Piranha

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This week, the guys sat down to watch the 2010 reboot of the Roger Corman classic, Piranha, starring Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd,Ving Rhames, Jerry O'Connell, Steven R. McQueen, Eli Roth, Adam Scott, Paul Scheer, and Richard Dreyfuss, who was given top billing, despite the fact that he was only in the movie for about two minutes. There are also several thousand others, but really, they're pretty much there to be eaten by super-mean fish.

Say, baby...

It's Spring Break! So, naturally, thousands of teens on the verge of alcohol poisoning have converged on Lake Victoria, where they also run the risk of contracting literally hundreds of STDs, dying from overdoses, and, this time around, being eaten by angry prehistoric fish with a bad outlook on life.

But beautiful smiles.

Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue), along with Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames), are doing their best to contain the insanity, but are unavoidably diverted to investigate the death of a fisherman (Richard Dreyfuss) whose body has turned up almost completely skeletonized, so Julie enlists her son, Jake (Steven R. McQueen), to babysit his younger siblings while she takes a dive team out to find clues.

But moooommmmm!

Jake, who is madly in love with a girl from his school, Kelly (Jessica Szohr), is sidetracked by Derrick (Jerry O'Connell) and his cameraman Andrew (Paul Scheer), who want him to be their guide around town, so Jake pays off his little brother and sister to babysit themselves while he traipses around town, following Kelly to make sure she doesn't get involved in Derrick's horrible "Girls Gone Wild"-esque stupidity. That works briefly, but once Kelly gets a few shots of tequila in her, sh appears to be down for doing anything with anybody. Further proving what a lightweight she is, Kelly parties hard for about ten minutes before barfing over the side of the rented boat they're on, and then retiring to the cabin, where she stays for the rest of their trip.

Gross! It's that guy from Sliders!

Right about this time, everything goes to hell, and the titular piranhas begin eating everybody in sight.

No, really.

From this point, there's really not much more to add to the story. There's tits everywhere, blood everywhere, and Sheriff Julie has to rescue Jake and his idiot friends while leaving Deputy Fallon to handle thousands of people being eaten by thousands of angry fish. Ving Rhames being Ving Rhames, he does his part by hacking just about every single one of them to bits with an outboard boat motor.

Two words: Bad. Ass.

The rest of the movie is just loads and loads of gore. Really. That's pretty much it. There is, however, a pretty cool setup for the sequel!

SPOILER: not appearing in the sequel.

Jake picked this one, and he was right to do so. He is happy to point out that the gore effects are done by the amazingly talented folks at KNB Effects, but the CGI piranhas were...somewhat lacking. He also says that the overall feel of the film harkens back to the horror films of the late 70s and early 80s. He's right. And it's awesome.

Derek absolutely despises Jerry O'Connell. So much so, in fact, that he refused to remember his name throughout the whole show, despite the fact that the only difference between O'Connell's character's name and his own amounts to, essentially, a typo. But seriously, fuck that guy.

Larry is super-impressed with the gore effects, too. He was, however, upset that there was nobody in the movie with his name, so Derek found a random person in one of the shots and declared that that guy was the Larry of the film. Everybody was happy with that choice.

So put on your swin trunks, shake what your mother gave you, and download this week's episode!