Snatch

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Once in a while, it is still possible to surprise one of the guys with a movie that not only meets the expectations that the others establish, but actually exceeds them. This new episode's film is one of those.

Snatch is a 2000 film by Guy Ritchie, starring an amazing cast, including Jason Statham, Brad Bitt, Benicio Del Toro, Dennis Farina, Alan Ford, Jason Flemyng, Robbie Gee, Stephen Graham, Lennie James, Vinnie Jones, Rade Šerbedžija, and Ade, among others.

You know it's going to be something when Brad Pitt's is a secondary character.

After an 86-carat diamond is stolen during a heist in Antwerp, one of the robbers, Frankie Four-Fingers (Del Toro), travels to London to sell the stone to Doug "The Head" (Mike Reid) for a New York jeweler called Cousin Avi (Farina). On the way to Doug, Frankie stops and acquires a gun from ex-KGB agent Boris "The Blade" (Šerbedžija). He shows the diamond to Boris, who decides that he should be the guy who owns it, and makes a plan to steal it.

At the same time, an unlicensed boxing promoter called Turkish (Statham) tries to convince a mobster called Brick-Top to put Turkish's boxer, Gorgeous George (Adam Fogerty), into a match with one of Brick-Top's guys. Brick-Top agrees, and Turkish sends his partner Tommy (Graham) to go buy a new caravan for them to use as an office. Stephen goes to a local Pikey (Irish gypsy) camp, taking George with him, where, after an intentionally incoherent-sounding man named Mickey (Pitt) sells them a caravan whose wheels fall off, George challenges Mickey to a fight, only to get knocked out and have his jaw broken with one punch. Turkish convinces Mickey to replace George in his upcoming fight, but when they go back to Brick-Top, he tells them that he will only allow the fight if Mickey takes a dive in the fourth round. Mickey agrees after Turkish promises to buy Mickey's mother (Sorcha Cusack) a new caravan for herself.

Want to feel old? This is Hanson now!

Boris tells Frankie he can have a gun if he places a bet for him at Brick-Top's bookie. When Avi finds out, he flies to London,with his bodyguard Rosebud (Sam Douglas), because he is worried Frankie, who has a gambling addiction despite not being very good at it (hence the name "Four-Fingers"), will do something stupid. This seems a definite possibility because Boris hires Vinny (Gee) and Sol (James) to rob Frankie at the bookies.

Vinnie and Sol hire a friend Tyrone (Ade) as their getaway driver,despite his inability to park properly. He runs their car into the van Frankie is in, knocking him out. Vinnie and Sol go into the bookies and fail miserably to rob the place, getting away only with a bag of pennies, as well as showing their faces directly to a security camera. Tyrone "rescues" them, however, and spots Frankie crawling out of the van with a briefcase cuffed to his wrist, and even manages to kidnap him so he can be taken back to Vinnie's shop to be interrogated as to the whereabouts of the diamond.

Not the best criminals around, but somehow they manage.

Mickey's fight takes place, but he doesn't dive in the fourth round; instead, he knocks out his opponent with his first punch,pissing-off Brick-Top, who takes all of Turkish's money and insists on another fight from Mickey, but this time he had better lose like he's supposed to.

At the same time, Boris finds Vinnie, Sol and Tyrone at their place, shoots Frankie in the face and saws off his hand, taking the briefcase with the diamond in it. He pays the guys $10,000 and leaves. Meanwhile, Brick-Top and his guys are hunting for Vinnie and Sol, and they find them a short time later, trying to dispose of Frankie's body. Brick-Top tells his guys to kill them,but Vinnie offers to find the diamond for Brick-Top. He reluctantly agrees, giving them forty-eight hours to find it.

Avi is pissed (largely because he is in London), and Doug hires a guy named "Bullet Tooth" Tony (Jones) to find Frankie, whom they are not yet aware has been killed.

Suddenly, in the middle of the movie, Dennis Farina lashes out at Jake!

Avi, Rosebud and Bullet Tooth find their way to the flat of Boris and stuff him in the trunk of their car. Vinnie, Sol and Tyrone pull up, hoping they find Boris before anybody else does. And finally, Turkish and Tommy come cruising down the street in a van, on their way to see about getting another gun from Boris and arguing about whether humans should consume dairy products. Tommy throws Turkish's milk out the window, causing Bullet Tooth to hit someone crash, accidentally killing Rosebud and popping the car's trunk, allowing Boris to get out. As Vinnie and Sol argue about the replica guns Sol brought, he fires it off, blowing out the car's windows and distracting Tyrone, who hits Boris.

Turkish and Tommy walk up to speak to Boris, only to have him shove past them and re-emerge from his house with a rocket launcher, ready to fuck somebody up.

Not a happy guy.

Vinnie, Sol and Tyrone follow Tony to a pub, where they try to get information about where the diamond is, but Tony notices that they only have replica guns, and promises his gun is very real. The three wisely retreat to the hallway, where they catch Avi coming out of the bathroom with the briefcase in his hands. But as they confront him, Boris comes in with his much bigger gun, demanding the diamond. Tony hears the conversation and fires his gun through the wall, hitting Boris and Tyrone. Vinnie and Sol escape with the diamond, and Tony empties two clips into Boris, but can't kill Tyrone because he is out of bullets. He gathers up Avi, and they leave, heading for Vinnie and Sol's place.

When they get there, Vinnie swears the diamond is at their shop, but when Tony threatens to just shoot them, Vinnie pulls the diamond out of his pants, only for it to be swallowed by a small dog that Sol got from the Pikeys. Avi grabs Tony's gun and starts shooting blindly, accidentally killing Tony. That's when he decides he's had enough and goes back to New York.

Turkish and Tommy talk to Mickey, who says he won't fight again unless they buy his mother an even nicer caravan. Turkish, who is now broke because Brick-Top took all his money, can't do it, and when he tells Brick-Top, Turkish's gambling arcade is destroyed, and the Pikey camp is burned to the ground, killing Mickey's mother. That can't be good.

But will Mickey fight? Will Brick-Top consider switching to contacts? Will Vinnie and Sol get the dog back? Will that dog experience the most painful poop ever? You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake loves this movie, claiming he has watched it dozens of times, despite the fact that he only just learned Rosebud's name, as well as believing Mickey had three fights for Turkish, even though there were only two, Jake. Say it. SAY IT.

Derek loved it, too. It felt like a Tarantino movie was violently molested by an Elmore Leonard novel. Maybe with Carl Hiassen watching. He likes the editing, giving the film a real seventies vibe. And he was able to discern in one try how many fights Mickey had for Turkish. SAY IT, JAKE.

So avoid dairy, pick a silly nickname for yourself, and listen to the latest episode!