Schlock

To listen/download, click here!

For the first time in what felt like forever, all three of the guys got together! And to celebrate, they finally sat down to watch Larry's pick from months ago, John  Landis' first film, 1973's Schlock, starring John Landis as the monster, Saul Kahan as Detective Sgt. Wino, Joseph Piantadosi as Ivan, Richard Gillis as Officer Gillis, Harriet Medin as Mrs. Blinerman, Eliza Garrett as Mindy Blinerman, and a cast of almost nobody that you would recognize.

When over 700 people turn up dead over a couple of days, police have nothing to go on, other than banana peels left all over the crime scenes. Thus, the Banana Killer is loose in this small town, free to kill at will.

A group of four teens find a hole leading to a cavern, where one of the teens finds an ape-like beast that beats him to death. A second teen goes looking for him, and is also killed due to his own inability to recognize the monster, choosing instead to interrupt it beating his friend to death. The two remaining teens--the girlfriends of these two victims--go to the police, who only seem vaguely interested in their story, despite them bringing him a severed and mummified head they found at the site.

A severed head? Gross.

Meanwhile, somewhere else in town, Mindy is being released form the hospital, having undergone surgery to repair her eyes after being involved in some kind of accident. She is still bandaged, but her mother thinks it would be good for her to go in the yard and get some air. While Mindy is out there, she finds what she believes to be a dog, but which is actually the monster, Schlock. She throws a stick for it to fetch, causing it to get more and more frustrated that she won't hold onto it. Before long, Mindy's mother comes out to bring her back in, causing Schlock to run away.

Why are you like this?!

Over at the cavern, a TV crew and a bunch of scientists have arrived to investigate, sending one of the scientists down into the hole, while the TV host talks to people on the scene, including a woman who was able to guess how many complete people were in several bags of body parts at the last crime scene. Schlock arrives on the scene, takes part in an interview, and then rips the reporter's arm off.

Mindy gets her bandages removed, and the surgery worked; she can see! She and her boyfriend go out in the yard to make out, and Schlock sees this, causing him to freak out, because he apparently was in love with her. He attacks, but Mindy's boyfriend is able to fend him off with some road flares that just happen to be laying around. Frustrated again, Schlock runs away and goes to the movies. Seriously.

No, really.

At the theater, Schlock sneaks into a double feature of The Blob and Dinosaurus, where people keep sitting in front of him and blocking his view. But, again...nobody acknowledges that this is a murderous apeman. Goofiness ensues, as one might expect, including Schlock taking a young boy to the bathroom, waiting patiently, and then taking him back. Nobody...says...a...word.

After the movie, Schlock attacks some random woman at her home (after politely ringing the doorbell), and then heads back into town, where he crashes a dance. While he's there, he watches a couple making out and sneaks into the man's car to surprise him and kill him. He has had a busy day.

Heck hath no fury like a monkey scorned,

The next day, while strolling around town, as monsters do, he is almost run over by a douchebag who yells at him to watch where he's going. Schlock calmly drags the man out of his car, rips out the seat and places the man on it, then begins to tear the car to pieces. He also goes to a baseball game and causes a disruption there, although one of the kids just isn't that impressed with him and blows raspberries at him until Schlock gets tired of him and throws him...somewhere far away? Wherever he lands, there's a pool, and it's clearly nowhere near the baseball diamond, which is in the middle of nowhere.

Throughout all of this, Detective Wino and Ivan are trying to figure out what's going on. At one point, Wino puts on an ape mask, hoping to convince the creature to follow him out of a house, allowing the police to shoot it a lot. It doesn't go as planned, and Detective Wino gets shot(?) instead, although you wouldn't know it by the way he reacts to it.

Body parts, anyone?

When Schlock finally gets around to taking Mindy hostage and climbing a building, Wino calls the "National Guard", which appears to be some kind of doughy guy militia sort of thing. But can they save Mindy?

And what about Schlock? Will they kill him? Will Wino ever do anything right? What, to paraphrase Wino, is wrong with Ivan? And the most important question of all: How did John Landis get work after this?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry absolutely loves this movie. He says it's right in his wheelhouse, and feels like it was made for him, despite not being born when it came out. Maybe that makes Landis a very specific kind of visionary?

Jake thinks it's okay, and he's into Rick Baker's effects work. He thinks that all the perceived flaws are a part of the movie itself, being as it is an homage to the drive-in horror films of the 1950s.

Derek just doesn't get it. He gets what they were going for, but he feels like it was too far over to the comedy side, and not nearly as horrific as it should have been. Also, the acting is not great. Woof.

So get some bananas, give up all hope, and tune in to this week's episode!