Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, gang! It's another week, and another steaming pile of fresh tweets to cram in your eyeholes!

And what a week it's been! There was the Democratic Debate, which was, predictably, really just the Hillary Clinton - Bernie Sanders debate with a few guests who got to say stuff sometimes. But, according to one of them (I'm not interested in any of them enough to find out which one it was...I think Jim Webb? Or Lincoln Chaffee?), not enough time to say the stuff they wanted to say. It doesn't matter, though, because nobody wanted to hear anything they wanted to say because they were listening to Bernie and Hillary.

Although most of the analysts say that Hillary won the debate, Bernie got some good points in, and he pretty much won the night when he came to Hillary's defense to say that the public was "sick of hearing about your damn e-mails." A nice move, and surprisingly modern for a guy who still has dial-up.

Bernie's brain trust.

Over on the Republican side, Donald Trump and Jeb! Bush both have teams working on the best "Yo mama so fat" jokes they can create. In the meantime, they've been taking random shots at the Democrats and each other. It started when Trump took a shot at Jeb!'s brother, pointing out that 9/11 happened on his watch. Infuriated, Jeb! said his brother kept America safe.

How pathetic for @realdonaldtrump to criticize the president for 9/11. We were attacked & my brother kept us safe.

— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) October 16, 2015

Trump was not about to let that one slide. Instead, he responded in a surprisingly lucid manner and pointed out that Dubya was, in fact, they guy who was in office when the World Trade Center was attacked, going so far as to add that Dubya was on vacation for the entire month beforehand.

Though I am by no means a fan of Trump, I have to give credit where it's due. That was a solid one-two punch of factual information that wasn't in any way at all diminished by this tweet to Hillary Clinton during the Democratic Debate:

Take the time let the stupid to be properly absorbed.

Meanwhile, not having cable, I was unable to see the debate, and I don't follow Trump or Jeb! on Twitter (I see these tweets when other folks re-tweet them--thanks, you guys!). So I spent what can only be considered an inappropriate amount of time looking for animated GIFs by typing random words into Chrome. Sometimes it's a win...

That is one rockin' double cheeseburger!

Other times, it's pretty upsetting and weird.

Gah! WHAT THE HELL?!

And when I've made myself throw up, I go over to Twitter, seeking out the soothing balm that is other people's tweets that are so much funnier than anything I can throw out there. F'rinstance, in no particular order, these:

I went cow tipping, but I couldn't remember if I was supposed to leave 15 or 20%.

— David David Katzman (@AGreaterMonster) October 11, 2015

Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.

— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) September 21, 2015

I call my vagina Donald Trump because it only likes attractive rich people and also it sports a combover.

— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) October 13, 2015

I like to think that most of the tragic beautiful girls Bob Dylan was singing to/about are now all grandmas who love NCIS: New Orleans.

— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) October 14, 2015

Anthony Kiedis was recently taken to the hospital by concerned relatives and placed in a medically-induced shirt.

— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) October 16, 2015

*majestic falcon lands on my date's arm and offers me a rose from its beak* Me (pulling a mouse out of my bra by its tail): Let's do this

— SuperCynthia (@Super_Cynthia) October 13, 2015

Maybe it's all the concussions, but Bernie Sanders looked a lot different back when he played for the Detroit Lions.

— Lemming Däd (@LemmingDad) October 14, 2015

[manning my booth at the farmer's market] yes i canned all these myself. it's organic, artisanal whoop-ass

— lil spooky lovitz (@nbadag) October 15, 2015

I will be live tweeting the trip to Disney World my wife just surprised me with!! Here we go! Update: I was tricked, this is the dentist

— Louis Friendly Pants (@GoldenFoolLouis) October 16, 2015

My cat’s reached that age where he needs help cleaning himself. Licking his asshole is the worst.

— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) October 16, 2015

And there you have it! A pretty solid entry and a great bunch of folks, all of whom I recommend you follow when you're over there. And if you're not over there, get over there. It's awesome. Seriously.

Anyway, have a great week, and to set you on that path, here's one of the best ape-based music videos I've ever seen. (I know I've shown this before, but it's a good song and a fun video, so bear with me.)

All the best,

Derek and Bosco