Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Howdy, folks!

Another week, another couple dozen Republican debates, a few Democratic ones, a bunch of caucuses and primaries where people looked at the choices available, read about them...

"Huh...Ted Cruz is a human...I would never have guessed."

...and chose what they felt was the least of all evils.

Mostly in the hopes that the polling people will give them one of those cool "I voted" stickers.

And, of course, there were more opportunities for Donald Trump to offend people and act like the turd-with-teeth that he is. If he keeps kicking people out of his rallies, he's going to end up screeching his ridiculous rhetoric at nobody but his daughter and his campaign staff.

I coach high school debaters and they all learned last night that the secret to winning is a dick joke. LOL! Nothing matters.

— RunwayDan (@RunwayDan) March 4, 2016

Also, muttering nutbag brain surgeon Ben Carson dropped out of the race, finally accepting that the world wasn't ready for a guy who talks like he's tried all the drugs available at a Grateful Dead concert.

On the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders seems to have embraced his "angry old man" persona, even going so far as to cut off Hillary Clinton when she tried to interrupt him during their debate in Flint, Michigan, yesterday.

"Excuse me, young man. I hope I can count on your vote."

Finally, last Tuesday was Super Tuesday, when a whole buttload of states held their primaries and awarded delegate votes to the various candidates. It took me a while to get the hang of it, though.

I keep reading about tomorrow being "Super Tuesday", but I checked my calendar and there's no little cape on that square.

— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 1, 2016

But all that silliness aside, the folks over on Twitter were on fire again (like always) with their own special brand of silliness. Here, have a look!

I heard girls like guys that are mysterious so I just put a fog machine under my bed

— Joshy poo (@ItsLaTourette) January 8, 2016

I switched my GPS to a male voice. Now there’s two of us lost in traffic, too stubborn to ask for directions.

— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) February 23, 2016

Tired of rap songs starting with MC going "uhuh uhuh...One two one two...Let's do this..." No. You shoulda been ready when the song started.

— MKupperman (@MKupperman) February 26, 2016

Growing up in a steel town the kids are tough. They used to take my journal from me and say cruel things like "your prose is overly ornate."

— Ceej (@ceejoyner) February 26, 2016

What a time to be alive pic.twitter.com/kvxEh3pAi7

— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) March 3, 2016

It's considered rude in America if a guest is not offered a gun or at the very least a glass of ham.

— Smoochie (@TySmithdrums) February 29, 2016

BABY COP: Know why I pulled you over?
ME: *quickly puts hands over face*
BABY COP: *looking all around* DAMN HE GOT AWAY

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) March 2, 2016

Instead of accusing me of eating your leftover pie, ask yourself why you had any left to begin with, quitter

*said thru a mouthful of pie*

— tenley (@ProudFFAalumni) March 5, 2015

It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.

— Chris Rogers (@ChrisIsJoking) September 10, 2015

This week in science pic.twitter.com/V9RdQmK1O9

— SciencePorn (@SciencePorn) February 28, 2016

And there you have it! Now, before I get outta Dodge and let you get on with your week, here's a forklift safety video from Germany that was shown to me by my pal Kris Silva. It's all in German, but you can get the general idea. But watch it. Trust me. It's worth it...

And now...I'm outta here!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco