Penguins. Sure, they're always so serious and formal, what with being dressed in evening wear all the time, but they can also be funny.
F'rinstance, this photo-realistic drawing of one. |
*****
Last Sunday was Mothers' Day, and, if you're a mother, I hope you had a nice one. And if you aren't, well, I hope you showed your mom the love she deserves, what with all she went through to carry you into this world and all...
oh you love your mom? name three of her albums
— POOPSCRUFFIN4U (@POOPSCRUFFIN4U) May 14, 2017
Myself, I wasn't able to do much because I worked all day. But, as my mother passed away almost 17 years ago, I don't think she minded.
Hey, guys! Look...a girl! |
A lot of people on their high horse tonight acting like they haven't had to break up an awkward pause with state secrets before.
— orb (@sadvil) May 16, 2017
Needless to say, a lot of people on both sides of the aisle were a little upset, which in turn caused an independent council to be named, adding to the growing number of investigations into Russia's tampering with the 2016 election, as well as any other stuff they happened to have their fingers in. (Which is turning out to be a lot more than it was initially thought.)
And, once again, observant folks on the interwebs have noticed what is an ongoing trend with Angry Orange's actions versus his past tweets.
Every tweet. Every goddamn tweet of his predicts a future lined with his own fuck-ups. He's like a time traveler failing to warn himself. pic.twitter.com/tXFsdSWrkD
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) May 15, 2017
(Incidentally, if you haven't read any of Chuck's Star Wars novels, I highly recommend them.)
I'm not drunk! You're the one who's drunk! |
Comey's notes are very good. pic.twitter.com/8JrYwMU5Jc
— Cody Johnston (@drmistercody) May 16, 2017
When those notes go public, it's gonna make Angry Orange look even worse. And that in itself is a thing, because everyday I wake up and think, "He couldn't possibly do anything stupider than the last thing he did." And then he goes and proves me wrong. And I'm nopt the only one, it seems, who feels that the level of stupid is growing and growing...
My Peoples pic.twitter.com/ipXmnu1mgn
— Christopher Moore (@TheAuthorGuy) May 14, 2017
Personally, I would have chosen something a little stronger.
So majestic... |
The Romphim: for when you want women to not have sex with you, but you don't feel like wearing your MAGA hat. #rompersformen
— Attorney at Bird Law (@absynthetics) May 17, 2017
And no, I will not post a picture of them. If you need to know, google it yourself.
They basically are their own sitcoms. |
Guy on the bus keeps looking at the toast crumbs in my hair. This is how sex starts.
— Noodles 4 Michele (@Dawn_M_) December 22, 2015
Dammit. I forgot to find a deep and meaningful love that transcends space and time again.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) May 15, 2017
Once a month I'll ask you 197x if I look bloated & then cry about JFK Jr. dying while eating 100's of pickles. It's exhausting to love me.
— The Sassiest Semite (@LittleMissLizz) May 17, 2017
When it comes to making cheese, I become a mad scientist. I once grew a mold so powerful, it's now an entertainment attorney.
— Queen BB (@praisecheese) October 26, 2015
The porn and music industries are a lot alike in that nobody pays for them anymore and I'm too old now to succeed in either.
— Kimberly Dinaro (@KimberDin) May 17, 2017
The porn and music industries are a lot alike in that nobody pays for them anymore and I'm too old now to succeed in either.
— Kimberly Dinaro (@KimberDin) May 17, 2017
Lonely nights, we've all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.
— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) March 2, 2017
I just typed "abusive testicles" while trying to write "abusive tendencies" and now I'm imagining a porn genre of intense rage teabagging.
— Amy (@MsFoxIfUrNasty) May 21, 2017
"Grandma, how's the lettuce?" pic.twitter.com/4mbtuRQxR8
— Qrabby (@underfleeker) April 23, 2017
"And Scarecrow, I'll miss you most of all," then, emotionless, Dorothy sets fire to him. "C'mon, guys, he was slowing us down."
— Own Your Meh (@TheAlexNevil) May 19, 2017
And there you have it! Now get out there and have a great week! And to help it along, here's a great clip from Impractical Jokers were Sal Vulcano can't stop losing his shit:
All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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