Silent Hill

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Let's be honest: Video game movies have not exactly managed to hit it out of the park, quality-wise, for the most part. For every Tron (a movie about video games that, itself, spawned a video game) there is a Super Mario Bros. or a Street Fighter.

But every once in a great, great while, somebody gets it right. And that brings us to Silent Hill, this week's movie commentary. Based on the popular horror/adventure game of the same name, it follows Rose (Radha Mitchell), whose adopted daughter, Sharon (Jodelle Ferland) is having nightmares about an abandoned town. Although her husband, Christopher (Sean Bean), is against the idea, Rose takes her daughter to the town, which has had a fire going under it for thirty years, much like that Pennsylvania town that actually exists.

But without as much blood splatter.

When she stops for gas on the way, Rose catches the attention of a motorcycle cop named Cybil (Laurie Holden), who follows her. Rose tries to get away, but a little girl steps into the middle of the road, causing Rose to swerve and crash, knocking her out.

Rose wakes up the nest day to find that she is actually in Silent Hill, and Sharon is no longer in her car. She goes looking for Sharon, following the little girl she almost hit with her car, through the town because she thinks it is her daughter. This turns out to be a really bad idea because the town keeps switching back and forth from an abandoned, ash-covered town to a hellscape full of monsters that want to kill her and, one assumes, eat her soul or some such thing.

The naughtiest of nurses. Tell us they are soul-eaters. We dare you.

There's also a giant muscly guy with a big metal helmet called Pyramid Head. He has a giant sword, as well, and seems really intent on murder. You have to admire that kind of dedication.

Rose finds a woman named Dahlia Gillespie (Deborah Kara Unger), who tells her about her daughter, Alessa (also played by Jodelle Ferland with extreme creepiness), who was burned by a bunch of crazy cult people in town called The Brethren. A little freaked out, Rose heads back to her car to get her phone and call her husband for help, only to meet up with a now very unhappy Cybil, who handcuffs her and leads her back into town.

And, from the look of this photo, to drop her latest rap diss.

Christopher, meanwhile, is trying to get to Silent Hill himself, but that seems unlikely because the police won't let him through, until he meets Officer Gucci (Kim Coates). Gucci has no intention of letting Christopher go there alone, but is willing to accompany him to search for Rose and Sharon.

They wander around the town (the "normal," non-hellscape version) and look for Christopher's family, but they are unable to find anyone, even when Rose is in the same hallway, but in the other version of the hallway. When they check the orphanage where Sharon was adopted, and Officer Gucci tells Christopher that he crew up in Silent Hill and saves Alessa from being burned by the crazy cult people. He then suggests Christopher go back home and let the police do their job.

Meanwhile, Rose and Cybil are being pursued by Pyramid Head and his pet roaches, and although he eventually goes away, they are captured by The Brethren. Fortunately, Cybil holds them off long enough for Rose to escape and keep searching. Cybil, for her efforts, is beaten repeatedly and taken back to a hotel, where The Brethren meet.

Headed by the Borg Queen.

Turns out The Brethren have a way of dealing with people like Cybil: They tie them to ladders and then sacrifice them with fire, hoping to appease some god or other, and keep them safe from Pyramid Head.

Rose, meanwhile, is still searching, and she discovers that the reason Alessa was supposed to be burned is because her mother had her out of wedlock. A further flashback explains that these yahoos burning Alessa is what started the fire that caused the town to be abandoned in the first place.

Sharon is captured by The Brethren, and is going to be the next sacrifice, but that gets interrupted by Rose, who confronts Christabell (Alice Krige), only to be stabbed. Luckily, this summons Alessa and her dark counterpart, causing a scene that would fit right into a Hellraiser fan film. It gets messy.

Especially when this guy shows up.

But will Rose and Sharon escape? Will they get back home to Christopher? Will this generate a number of sequels, even though there was really no reason for them? You'll have to listen to find out!

Derek likes this movie, although he has issues with Pyramid Head's helmet. And his name. Really, pretty much everything about the guy. Sure, he's dedicated to his job, but is it really fulfilling? Probably not.

Larry loves, loves, loves this movie. He believes it's about the only video game movie that got it right, despite having seen Jackie Chan's City Hunter. He also gets really excited about the woman getting her skin ripped right off her body.

Jake likes it, too, although he has legitimate concerns about the quality of the CGI. Sure, they looked pretty good, but they felt way too rushed, and the compositing seems a bit lacking. Still, for a $50 million flick, it looks pretty good.

So get your blood bucket and your giant, unwieldy helmet, and listen to this week's commentary!