A Christmas Carol (2009)

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It's Holiday Moviepalooza: A Big Bag of Dickens, Week Two, which means that the guys have settled in for another version of Charles Dickens's immortal classic, A Christmas Carol. But this time it's animated!

See/ Whimsy!

Jim Carrey stars as Scrooge (as well as the ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, and Yet to Come), the bitter, joyless man who fails to acknowledge what a horrible turd of a human being he is to everybody around him, including his cross-eyed nephew Fred (Colin Firth), his old girlfriend Belle (Robin Wright), and his giant-headed dwarf accountant, Bob Cratchit (Gary Oldman, who also plays Tiny Tim and Jacob Marley).

Gary Oldman is Corky in Life Goes On: Special Victims Unit

As we all know, Marley visits Scrooge to warn him that he had better get his head on straight, or he's going to spend the afterlife dragging around chains and not being able to help people. in order to help him avoid this, Marley schedules a meet-up with three of his ghostly buddies, who will show Scrooge the error of his ways by bringing him into settings that warm his heart...and then slapping him down when he gets too cheerful. Tough love. You know how it goes.

Bruh...You are so screwed!

The only ghost that doesn't seem interested in showing Scrooge anything good is the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, because go to hell, Scrooge! Instead, the ghost drags him around town, shows him that everyone hated him and is glad when he's dead, and then makes him run from an out-of-control carriage and rats that want to eat him. Adding to that the numerous possible internal injuries and brain trauma from the eighteen different falls he takes, it's a wonder Scrooge even survived to see Christmas morning, let alone remember that he was supposed to be nice now. Or even remember who he was, really.

Scrooge's nephew Fred looks as though he is watching an ice pick lobotomy
while simultaneously experiencing one.

The most worrying of the ghosts, however, is the Ghost of Christmas Present, who seems jovial and friendly at first, but then becomes kind of a dick as he sees the same things Scrooge does. Admittedly, Scrooge is not the greatest guy in the world, but keeping him constantly terrified by throwing him around the room seems a bit much for the old dude. But maybe we're projecting.

Touch the sleeve of my coat...and I WILL KICK YOUR ASS, wormy!

As we all know, Scrooge changes his ways, because th' hell else would happen? And he takes care of Cratchit and Tiny Tim, as expected, but also appears to be completely and totally pants-crapping insane by the end of the film. Was that the ghosts' goal? If so, why? The world may never know.

Derek was concerned he wouldn't like this movie because of his long standing claim of intestinal distress in the presence of a Jim Carrey performance. However, he actually quite enjoyed it. He was, however, distracted for a good portion of the film by Cratchit's bulbous, balloon-like head. It's really pretty upsetting.

Jake also enjoyed it, and was also upset by Cratchit's weird head. Additionally, he has real problems with the score and a particular sequence that plays more like a YouTube video of someone playing a video game than an actual haunting story of a man confronted with the life he's wasted by being awful instead of helping those around him.

So pull on that old-timey nightcap, light a candle, and join us for the latest episode!