Brotherhood of the Wolf

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Let's get this out of the way up front: French cinema can be pretty weird. From their excessively artsy films, to their seemingly bizarre obsession with Jerry Lewis, the French can really make some strange cinematic choices.

But once in a while, they put out a film that can appeal to fans of just about any genre, sometimes cramming them all into one film. Brotherhood of the Wolf is one such film.

Billed as a "historical action horror drama," it follows Grégoire de Fronsac (Samuel Le Bihan) and his Iroquois blood brother Mani (Mark Dacascos), as they travel to the French province of Gévaudan to track down a mysterious beast that is killing women and children in the area. All of this is taking place in 1764, during the French Revolution.

On the way to their destination, Fronsac and Mani come across a father and daughter who look like they are being robbed by a number of men, all of whom are dressed like women. The father and daughter claim the men are robbers, but the men insist they are out trying to draw the attention of the monster, as it only attacks women and children. Mani is immediately interested in the daughter, so he takes on several of them cross-dressing men, who are armed with Wolverine-style claws, and he beats them soundly, causing the entire group to run away. With a smirk and smoldering eyes, Fronsac and Mani continue on their way.

And sticks. They have sticks, too. Not that it matters.

Reaching their destination, the Marquis d'Apcher (Hans Meyer) sets the two of them up at the local brothel, where Fronsac is intrigued by an Italian woman there named Sylvia (Monica Bellucci). Later that day, Mani finds more people to fight, and they are again armed with those ridiculous claws. He beats them up again, and a dinner is thrown, where Fronsac meets all the local nobles, and then they convince Mani to tell them what their spirit animals are, although most of them don't take him too seriously. One of the men, Jean-François de Morangias (Vincent Cassel), who lost his arm to a lion during an African safari, asks Mani to identify his spirit animal, but Mani doesn't want to, for some reason.

About the same time, Fronsac meets Jean-François's sister, Marianne (Emile Dequenne), and becomes infatuated with her, despite the fact that she looks like she's maybe fifteen, at best. Jean-François is not too keen on Fronsac plowing his sister (we discover later that it's because he wants to do it himself), but their father, the Count (Jean Yanne), seems cool with it. Weird family.

Probably a metaphor for pre-teen sex or something.

While investigating another victim the next day, Fronsac removes a steel tooth from the body and decides that this is clearly no wolf, as the locals believed. However, this doesn't stop a wolf hunt that just results in a bunch of dead wolves that didn't do anything to anybody. King Louis XV's weapons master (John Leyson) orders Fronsac to taxidermy one of the dead wolves and make it look like a monster so he can bring it back to Paris and tell the king that the whole thing is handled. Fronsac is not into the idea, but he has no choice. After his work is completed, Fronsac is also sent back to Paris.

While trying to work out what the monster actually is, Fronsac connects it to a secret society, Brotherhood of the Wolf. He believes they are using it as a weapon to make the king look bad. When Fronsac receives a letter from Marianne, he sneaks back to  Gévaudan to see her, and they are attacked by the monster, but it doesn't attack Marianne.

Very clearly not a wolf.

Now a little more informed about what they are looking for, Fronsac, Mani and the Marquis go looking for it. They find it and try to trap it, but none of those work. They do manage to injure it quite badly, and Mani follows the trail of blood it leaves, leading to an underground cavern where the soldiers of the secret society--also known as the cross-dressers from the beginning of the movie--fight with Mani again. He beats of them, but them an unseen person shoots Mani int he back, killing him. Fronsac finds his body and takes him back to the Marquis's mansion, where he performs an autopsy, finding a silver bullet--the signature of Jean-François.

Total dick.

Now that he knows who the killer is, Fronsac returns to the cavern and starts killing bad guys. A lot of them. Like, dozens. But then he stops because the new day's sun is coming up, and he has to burn Mani's body, per his people's customs. As he gathers Mani's ashes, the local constable arrives and arrests him.

While in prison, Sylvia visits him, demanding that he be fed. The jailer gives Fronsac some food while Sylvia tells him about what has happened. Fronsac can't pay attention to her, however, because he is busy choking to death.

Nothing but trouble. Hot, sexy trouble.

Or is he? Is Sylvia more than she seems? Is Marianne cool with the guy she totally wants to go to Pound Town with also hitting the Bone Zone with Sylvia? Or will she reconsider her brother's advances? Oh, and we almost forgot; what the heck is the monster?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Derek liked the movie, but he was not particularly happy with the CG components. The practical monster looked cool, but its digital counterpart was not great. Also, how freakin' old is Marianne? She looks half Fronsac's age. That can't be cool, even in the mid-1700s.

Jake is a fan. He especially likes the fight scenes, as well as the various other action sequences. He's not impressed with the CG monster, either, but he's willing to give it a pass because it's such a good story. He does have some concerns about the whole powdered wig thing, though.

So put on a fake mole, some pantaloons, and get greased up for this week's episode!