Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Surprise! I got the list done early! I know, I know...I'm as shocked as any of you. But it happened, and here we are.

So, this week, Kim Davis went back to work and immediately went about breaking the law again by removing her name from the marriage licenses that her office is supposed to issue, as well as removing the signature area for her assistant clerks to sign. This woman is a terrible, hateful, homophobic human being. Why has she not been fired yet?

Nerd humor!

Also, a bright, creative 14-year-old boy named Ahmed Mohamed in Irving, Texas, was arrested for bringing a digital clock he built inside a pencil case that was about 8"x5.5". The police said he was arrested because it was a hoax bomb.

A police spokesman said, "We attempted to question the juvenile about what it was," without, it should be noted, a lawyer or his parents present, "and he would simply only tell us that it was a clock." That would be because that's all it was.

But because this kid has brown skin and his family is Muslim, they refused to accept that it was exactly what he said it was, and he was arrested. He was later released and not charged, but the police did not apologize for arresting him. He was also suspended from school, to which he and his family have decided he will not be returning.

Clearly a dangerous criminal!

And while the right wing nutjobs have been going nuts, claiming, among other things, that this kid built "half a bomb" and it was "in a suitcase", sane, intelligent people, many in the field of technology, decided to respond with a little more positivity.

Also, this guy, who you may have seen or heard of before:

Cool clock, Ahmed. Want to bring it to the White House? We should inspire more kids like you to like science. It's what makes America great.

— President Obama (@POTUS) September 16, 2015

And, of course, the folks on Twitter had a field day with both of these stories.

But we're not here to look at those tweets. If you want to see 'em, look 'em up.

No, I'm here to show you some of the funny stuff people who aren't me had to say about regular (and weird) everyday life. So what say we get to doing that? And, as always, if you dig what you read, feel free to hop on over and follow these people. They are hilarious!

So, in no particular order...

FILM IDEA: Announce a sequel to Groundhog Day, then re-release the original.

— PulpKetchup (@PULPKetchup) December 24, 2014

Say yes to the dress. Say no to the shirt. Friend-zone the socks. Reply "K" to the pants' texts. Tell the cardigan to fuck off.

— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 12, 2015

I now know that seppuku & bukkake are very different & realize that the card that I bought u after ur Gram's suicide was kind of insensitive

— Pseudo Fred (@pseudo_fred) September 16, 2015

I love that Donald Trump got fired from "The Apprentice" and replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger. An immigrant.

— Justin Root (@JustinWRoot) September 16, 2015

This tweet contains cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and allspice. White people will love it for the next 2 1/2 months.

— Rick Aaron (@RickAaron) September 17, 2015

I huffed the fumes of a newborn baby's neck, and now my uterus is crying.

— Mama Insomnia (@IcyInsomnia) September 15, 2015

SON:I'm worried about my SATs tomorrow DAD:That test is like an orgy; use some tongue & try not to fart SON:What DAD:Son, I've been drinking

— Michael Flynn (@Home_Halfway) September 17, 2015

Eating a BigMac after avoiding McDonalds for over a year is like when a drunk falls off the wagon and lands in a pile of diabetes.

— Jack (@Jeff_G_Nixon) July 5, 2015

I'd be scared to be alone with Steven Tyler on an elevator, because I feel like he has certain expectations.

— Goats? (@hazelmotes1) September 18, 2015

A CNN camera crew caught me berating a Mexican valet for scratching my Audi and now I'm the GOP front runner

— vonTraphaus (@vonTraphaus) September 17, 2015

And there you have it! So get out there and have an awesome week, will ya? And to get you started, here's a clip from Jeopardy! where a lady actually got Alex Trebek to say "Turd Ferguson". If you're not sure why this is funny (other than just because Alex said "Turd" on national television), I suggest you look up the old SNL Jeopardy! sketches with Will Farrell and Norm MacDonald. It will all become so clear...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco