Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, gang! I'm going to tell you up front: This post is going to be .GIF-free today for a couple of reasons. First, I'm tired and want to sleep. Second, I have to get it posted now because I won't be able to on Monday; Jake and I are going to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. (Larry already saw it.)

Anyway, it was an interesting week. Martin Shkreli, PharmaBro and apparent Wu-Tang Clan fan, was arrested and taken into custody by the FBI this week for running a Ponzi scheme that soaked investors of millions of dollars at a previous firm where he worked.

Hey, @MartinShkreli, I bet You don't mind the old picture of you they used on TV now. Personally, I like this one. pic.twitter.com/raK3I34VKM

— Derek the Misfit Elf (@TheRealDCF) December 17, 2015

It does my heart good to see that worthless douche nugget being hauled away in handcuffs...

And, as I said earlier, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was released. Although its announced release date was December 18th, many theaters were showing it the day before. In fact, the theater at the mall here in Port Huron had two showings that started at 7:00 PM on Thursday.

People arriving to see #StarWarsTheForceAwakens: pic.twitter.com/22ree4MtKF

— TrivWorks (@TrivWorks) December 18, 2015

I realize it may come as a surprise to many of you that there was a new Star Wars movie coming out, being as they hardly advertised it at all or anything. And they released it up against a new Chipmunks movie?! Good luck trying to take down that monster, Star Wars guys!

pic.twitter.com/3pKCFOycyE

— Derek the Misfit Elf (@TheRealDCF) December 19, 2015

But enough of that stuff. Let's look at some tweets! And, if you dig what you read, come on over to Twitter and join us to find even more funny, or make your own!

In no particular order...

You know how they inject a small amount of a virus to help your body build up immunity? Well, your mom's a whore.

— Splendid Hobo (@Hobo_Splendido) December 13, 2015

Save 50% by going to the register staffed by a Caitlyn or Tameka because they get off in 10 minutes and ain't got time for this bullshit.

— Polar Penis Enos (@Neauxpe) December 15, 2015

Overheard an old man describe the time he saw a monkey on the subway and how he's concerned about a monkey uprising and now frankly me too.

— Mike (@mijamtweets) December 9, 2015

Me: this a rush song? Bartender: yeah, you a fan? Me: does this answer your questions? *lifts shirt to reveal giant tattoo that says "no"*

— ron flanson (@johnbiehl) December 13, 2015

So, to recap: #GOPDebate pic.twitter.com/JyBGA7GYEm

— Greg Greene (@ggreeneva) December 16, 2015

6yo: WHY DO WE NEED A NEW PRESIDENT? IS BRONCO BAMA DONE BEING KING OF AMERICA? Common Core social studies. Zero stars. Wouldn't recommend.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 16, 2015

I bet Christmas morning at the Schrödinger house is pretty tense.

— Jason Sweeney (@sween) December 17, 2015

I'm Batman. Really? You look like a garbage man. No, I'm Batman. ... Can I have your trash? Ok. I'm Batman, though.

— Mr. Bea Arthur (@FuckabillyRex) January 14, 2015

Missile toe is what guys in skinny jeans get.

— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) December 18, 2015

[trying to explain Christmas] Me: And they brought gifts for Jesus... 4: Like Playdoh? Me: Uh... 4: Did you know Jesus rhymes with Cheez-It?

— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) December 19, 2015

And there you have it! Another great group of tweets from a group of hilariously awesome folks. Now get out there and have an awesome week! And to start it off, here's a cheesy Christmas video for you to snort at or ignore!

All the best, and have the happiest of holidays!
Derek and Bosco