Kingpin

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Bowling! Sure, who doesn't! And this week, the guys, having the true athletic forms of professional bowlers almost half their weight, sat down to watch the Farrelly brothers' 1997 classic, Kingpin!

Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson) was a bowler with talent, skill, and his whole two-handed life ahead of him. He was the Iowa State Champion in 1979. Yeah, life was pretty sweet. Until he joined the professional bowling circuit and met Ernie "Big Ern" McCracken (Bill Murray).

McCracken convinces Roy to help him scam some amateur bowlers in order to make some extra cash while out working the pro circuit. Unfortunately, when they are found out, things do not go well for Roy.

That's right...He wears shirts like that.

Seventeen years later, a down-on-his-luck Munson is reduced to selling bowling alley supplies, trying to avoid his landlord (Lin Shaye), and, when all else fails, doing the unspeakable in order to avoid getting booted from his apartment.

We really hope you didn't just eat while looking at this.

While out on a sales call, Roy hears a sound he hasn't heard since he had both hands: the sound of a well-thrown strike. When he investigates the source, he discovers Ishmael (pre-batshit insane Randy Quaid), who has snuck away from the family farm to bowl a little like his grandfather taught him to.

Roy tries to convince Ishmael that he needs a manager to help him go pro, but Ishmael wants no part of it, largely because he is worried he will be discovered by his father, who would not be happy about Ishmael taking part in something the "English" are so fond of.

When Roy returns home, he gets involved in a terrible experience that begins with him throwing coffee in a fake robbers face, and ends with him barfing while his landlord (see photo above) smokes and talks about the need to "take a crap after sex." We will not go into detail about that. Just...just no.

After seeing an advertisement for a $1 million bowling tournament in Reno, Nevada, Roy goes to Ishmael's farm dressed as an Amish, and tries to convince him to get into the tournament. Wackiness, hilarity, and animal abuse ensue. There's also bull semen, so you've got that to look forward to.

Ishmael finally agrees after finding out that the bank is going to take away his peoples' land if they don't come up with a $500,000 payment. He convinces his father that he had a vision and needs to go on a mission with Roy, promising he will find that money, one way or the other.

And that's when it starts getting really weird.

On their way to Reno, Roy explains to Ishmael that they need to earn some money by hustling amateur bowlers, much like Ernie convinced Roy seventeen years earlier. Whent hey try the same "dictionary salesmen" bit that seemed to work so well back then, it fails, but a bartender sets them up with a guy named Stanley (Rob Moran), who has a two-lane alley in his house. He also has a stunningly hot girlfriend named Claudia (Vanessa Angel), who just can't keep her snarky comments to herself. When Stanley loses to Ishmael, Claudia gets into an argument with him and runs off on him. Meanwhile, Stanley notices that Roy's bankroll is nothing but Monopoly money, and a fight breaks out.

Fortunately for Roy and Ishmael, Claudia shuts off the lights, and they are all able to escape relatively unschathed. Claudia insists that she needs to be a part of their team,explaining that she has something to offer that they need, although Roy is not really sure what it is that she has.

Oh, right...Those.

They become uneasy partners, and begin scamming their way across the country, taking money from anybody who is willing to challenge them, and working their way toward Reno.

A few bumps in the road occur, including Ishmael running off because of Claudia and Roy's constant arguing, and him trying to find work. (He eventually does, but we don't want to spoil the surprise.) Claudia and Roy spend a good chunk of time trying to find him so they can apologize, and they become closer and less hostile toward each other along the way.

After a brief stop in Roy's old hometown, the two of them find Ishmael and make their way to Reno, where they are confronted by an older, but still obnoxious Ernie, who reveals that he and Claudia have a past, which upsets Roy and Ishmael, who takes a swing at Ernie but misses, breaking his hand.

The picture of professionalism in sports.

Ishmael tells Roy that the only way they can compete now is if Roy bowls instead of him. After much arguing, Roy agrees.

Claudia, meanwhile, runs into Stanley, who tracked her to Reno and wants to take her back home. She suggests that she was planning on returning anyway, because Roy and Ishmael were only good for the money they won, which she gives to Stanley.

When the tournament begins, Roy is not dealing with it very well, but he keeps going and makes it to the final round, where he faces off, once again, against McCracken...

Who will win? Will Claudia return? Will Ishmael go home a winner or a loser? Will Roy have to give his landlord what she wanted again?

In case you didn't want to scroll all the way up there again...

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry is sick. He sounds like Batman. It's actually pretty awesome. Oh, and he digs this movie a lot. So much so that he quotes a lot of lines from it. But let's face it; this is a ridiculously quotable movie!

Derek also enjoys this movie, and he is shocked to discover that it actually lost money in its theatrical release. He's also angry the Farrelly brothers go around making funny movies and looking like they do. Bastards.

Jake is also a big fan of this flick, and he is ready with some interesting tidbits about Chris Elliot's part in the movie, as well as one of Derek's favorite comments ever: "ZIPPERS ARE THE DEVIL!"

So grab your balls, wax up the lanes, and listen to this week's episode!