Graffiti Bridge

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Let's get this out of the way, right off the bat: We at Here Be Spoilers absolutely love Prince. We've all listened to his music since at least his 1999 album. Derek was even lucky enough to see him in concert once.

But, alas, even Prince was human, and therefore capable of making mistakes. And Derek and Larry sat down to have a look at one of them, 1990's Graffiti Bridge. And then they talked about it. And then Derek somehow managed to lose the recording somewhere in the vast disk drive of the very laptop on which this page is being created. So they sat down a week later to talk about it again. This time, it stuck.

Graffiti Bridge is an "unofficial" sequel to 1984's vastly superior Purple Rain. Prince is The Kid, a Minneapolis musician who is also half owner of a club called Glam Slam, which resides in an area known as Seven Corners.

With Special Guests...BELL BIV DEVOE! (Not really.)

The owner of the other half is none other than Morris Day (as Morris Day). Both men were willed the club when Billy, the owner of 7th Avenue in Purple Rain, passed away sometime between the two movies.

Morris has taken a dark turn since 1984, and is now some kind of low-rent gangster in the area. He wants all the clubs in Seven Corners (there is George's, which is run by George Clinton; there is Melody Cool, which is run by Mavis Staples as Melody herself; and there is Pandemonium, which is run by Morris), but The Kid refuses to hand over his half. This disagreement leads to numerous musical confrontations, usually at Glam Slam.

See? Obvious gangsters. Not "gangstas". These guys dress better.

Meanwhile, a mysterious woman named Aura (Ingrid Chavez) has drifted into Seven Corners, and she has a running internal monologue that sort of explains why she's there, although it is left vague enough that it takes some time before she reveals she's some sort of angelic-type person. She has come to Seven Corners to help The Kid along his path to enlightenment and spirituality. For some reason, she also seems to think she can turn Morris in that direction, as well. On top of that, she takes up residence under the bridge mentioned in the title, like some kind of poetry-writing, Latino bridge troll.

She may be from Heaven, but she will not tolerate billy goat jokes.

Naturally, The Kid and Morris both fall for her, which brings a new angle to their ongoing battle, despite Morris being with Robin (Robin Power) and The Kid having something going on with Jill (Jill Jones, who played the blond-haired waitress in Purple Rain).

Morris tries to woo Aura with his usual style, including the help of his associate/manservant(?), Jerome (Jerome Benton). This is accomplished by getting her drunk at his club and then abducting her so he can take her back to his house and do unspeakable things to her.

Fortunately, The kid intervenes, causing an awkward moment between Morris and Jerome, and then takes her still-unconscious self back to his place. When she wakes up, he attempts a weird seduction that involves forcing her to play Hangman with him while he wordlessly lay uncomfortably close to her in his bed.

This is some serious SIlence of the Lambs serial killer stuff right here.

Morris sends his guys to trash Glam Slam a few times in order to force The Kid out, but it just makes him funk harder, if you can believe that's possible. Unfortunately, in his attempts to display his funkitude, he starts to drive Aura away because he strays away from the spirituality.

Things are not exactly going so well for Morris, either, as his band wants more money, Robin wants more money, and Jerome seems to be getting fed-up with Morris being so mean all the time. In fact, he even challenges Morris to an odd money-counting contest.

And it is set to the tune, "Duelin' Banjos". Really.

Things finally come to a head when The Kid challenges Morris and The Time to a battle with his own band, New Power Generation. Morris agrees, and the stage is set, so to speak. But who will win? What will become of Aura, who tells The Kid that she will not be around for long? How does a giant velvet painting of a nude, large-breasted angel fit in to all this? And how does Melody, who appears to be well into her fifties or early sixties, have a son who is about 14 (Tevin Campbell as Tevin)? You'll have to tune in to find out!

Also, what was it like to be on the set and working as an extra? Well, we can help you there, because Derek was lucky enough to exchange messages with Beth "Beez" McKeever, prop diva for Mystery Science Theater 3000, and Prince enjoyer. She was kind enough to talk about her experiences working as a club extra in two scenes, as well as some fun stories about what it was like to just sort of, you know, be around such a fascinating and talented artist.

This is the opening New Power Generation performance...

...and here she is on the Pandemonium set, "trying to shake something" (her words)
during a performance by The Time.

Derek freely admits that this movie is not great. However, he will defend the soundtrack to the very end because there are some great songs. He is also enraged that we are only shown what is at four of the Seven Corners. What is on the other three? Also, what the heck is up with the ending?!

Larry did not care for this movie at all. He, too, liked the soundtrack, but did not feel it make up for the story, such as it was. He did enjoy those few moments where Morris and Jerome slipped back into their comedy, which felt like it did in Purple Rain. Too bad there wasn't more of that.

So put on your shimmery pants with the buttcheeks cut out, slip on those giant heels, and listen to this week's episode!

Beat Street

To listen/download, click here!

Once again, we find ourselves going back to 1984. That year, rap music was starting to become huge, with the rise of artists like Run DMC, Doug E. Fresh, Kool Moe Dee, Beastie Boys, Afrika Bambaataa, Sugarhill Gang, Slick Rick, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Melle Mel, and so many others.

Along with that music, there came a new style of dancing known as breakdancing. And when the two were combined for major plot points in a movie, how could it possibly not be a hit?

The answer, of course, is this episode's movie: Beat Street.

Beat Street was in direct competition with Breakin', and both were meant to capitalize on the growing new music-based lifestyle. When the two studios found out the other was making a breakdancing-related movie, they both rushed to finish first. Breakin' got out two months before Beat Street, and it made a ton of money. Two months later, Beat Street failed to make even half of the box office that Breakin' did.

Some blame star Rae Dawn Chong's demand to be carried everywhere Yoda-style.

The movie itself stars Rae Dawn Chong, Guy Davis, Jon Chardiet, Leon W. Grant, Robert Taylor, and Mary Alice. It also features performances from Afrika Bambaataa, Doug E. Fresh, Kool Moe Dee, Melle Mel and the Furious Five, Soul Sonic Force & Shango, Us Girls, and a bunch of other ones. Sure, it's not the lineup we had for Krush Groove, but it has its merits.

F'rinstance, you won't see LL Cool J dressed like this!

The story, such as it is, revolves around four people: Double K (Guy Davis), Ramon (Jon Chardiet), Chollie (Keon W. Grant), and Lee (Robert Taylor).

Double K is a DJ. He wants to become famous for working the turntables, but he is not getting anywhere by throwing parties in abandoned buildings. With his friend Chollie's help, he hopes to get work in some of the bigger clubs in the city.

Ramon is, to use his own words, "a graffiti writer" who dreams of having his art seen all over the country. Unfortunately, his work is ruined by a mysterious tagger by the name of Spit (Bill Anagnos), who writes his own name all over Ramon's art. AND THAT IS ALL. Seriously. The guy just shows up with a paint can, and very neatly writes his name--in cursive--all over Ramon's work. What a dick.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

And then there's Lee, Double K's brother, who wants to be a professional breakdancer, despite his mother's (Mary Alice) insistence that he knock it off. Lee, however, insists on continuing, so that he and his crew can challenge the other groups around the city to prove they are the best.

When Double K gets work filling in at a club called Burning Spear, Lee and his crew show up to challenge the Rock Steady Crew, and they are seen by Tracy (Rae Dawn Chong), a composer and writer who is currently working on a show for the local dance school. She invites Lee to the school for a demonstration, and Lee tells his brother that he is going for an audition, and when it is made clear that it is not an audition, Double K immediately gets pissed at Tracy, and then storms out with a videotape of Lee's performance, thereby setting Tracy up as Double K's love interest, for some reason.

This is why you don't leave banana peels on the dance floor.

Meanwhile, Ramon, whose father thinks he is wasting his life, is fascinated with a shiny new subway train that is completely white, and he immediately begins plans to paint it, with the help of his friends.

Chollie convinces the owner of another club, Monte (Jim Borrelli) to come see Double K at Burning Spear, hoping it will get him a job at Monte's club. Monte is impressed with what he hears and offers Double K a spot, which he accepts.

Tracy, wanting to talk to Lee, comes to his home and talks to Double K, who takes her to see him. She starts planning a show of some kind, and she takes Double K along to the studio to see if he can do anything there while she works with her writing partner, Robert (Duane Jones from the original Night of the Living Dead). When Tracy shows a minor display of affection toward her writing partner, Double K immediately assumes she is dating him and crashes an expensive Synclavier computer/keyboard, then storms out of the studio.

Ramon suddenly reveals (to the viewers, at least) that he has a child, as well as a girlfriend named Carmen (Saundra Santiago), and he realizes he needs to take care of them. So he gets himself a real job and, with the help of Double K, Lee, Chollie, and a weird Puerto Rican dude (Dean Elliot) they found in the basement of the abandoned building they hold parties at, makes an apartment for the family in that same building.

Ironically, his job is cleaning graffiti off of subway cars. (Not really.)

Almost immediately after, Ramon gets a chance to tag the white subway cars, and he takes Double K along to help him. While they are working, Ramon hears a noise and goes to investigate. What he finds is Spit, and he gives chase down the tunnels, with Double K bringing up the rear. Ramon catches Spit, but the two stumble and fall on the third rail, electrocuting both of them.

Double K decides that the new gig at Monte's club will double as a memorial to Ramon, with live performances by himself, as well as a gospel choir, Afrika Bambaataa, and all the local breakdancing crews. But will it help with the healing and possibly raise money for Carmen and the baby? Will Double K be able to keep the job? Will Lee become the world-famous breakdancer he hopes to be? And will Tracy ever realize that she is just setting the bar way too low in her choice of men?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry picked this movie based solely on what little he remembered from seeing it decades ago, as well as his love of three songs on the soundtrack. He now regrets this choice, but what can he do? He thinks the movie is a bit choppy, and the story mainly focuses on exactly the wrong character. He is right.

Derek never saw this one before, and now, having seen it, wishes he could get that 121 minutes back. He thinks the movie is sloppy and poorly edited. He also agrees wholeheartedly with Larry that the main story focus was on the wrong characters. It should have been Ramon's story. And why did it take so long to introduce his girlfriend and child?

So put on your Kangol hats and Puma sweatsuits, limber up, and listen to this week's episode!