January 31, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, guys. Let's get this over with quickly, shall we?

Turns out everyone's worst nightmare wasn't even close to as bad as Angry Orange is currently making it. But there is an ongoing resistance, which involves protests, contacting your representatives, and punching Nazi asshat Richard Spencer in the head.

All of these seems like a good idea.
Many people are saying that punching people in the heads is not really the way it ought to be, which I can understand, but this is a case in which I'm willing to cut the head-puncher some slack. Spencer is a fucking asshole who, after this past weekend's shooting at a mosque in Canada by an Angry Orange supporter, questioned why a mosque would even be in Canada. What a fuckstick.

Also, there's this story about Jack Kirby, one of the Marvel giants who helped create Captain America:

And so, Richard Spencer getting punched in the head is the only GIF I'm using today.

You've been warned.
On the lighter side of things, science and art continue to move forward to varying, but always entertaining, results.


Here's an example of at least one of Newton's Laws of Motion.
Then there were tweets...A bunch of them!So I grabbed a few from Twitter to throw out there...you know, to see if they stick. In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and punch a Nazi! Er, I mean, have a great week! And these need not be mutually exclusive! And to start you off in the right direction, here's a nice, quiet piece of music I think you'll enjoy.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

January 25, 2017


To download, right-click here and choose, "Save file as..."

It takes a special kind of person to deal with a demonic posession. And the various religious sects have their known methods of handling situations like that. But according to this week's movie, there's also a few ways that the general public might not know. And it's for your own good.

And probably theirs.
This week, the guys sat down to watch Hellbenders, the 2012 horror/comedy written and directed by J.T. Petty, and starring Clifton Collins Jr, as Larry, Clancy Brown as Angus, Andre Royo as Stephen, Robyn Rikoon as Elizabeth, Macon Blair as Macon, Stephen Gevedon as Clint, and Dan Fogler as Eric.

There's a problem in New York: an angry god killer called Certr is loose, brought into existence by a librarian/retired rabbi (Larry Block), and it's looking to open the entrance to Hell. But there is one group that can stop him. They are The Augustine Interfaith Order of Hellbound Saints, led by Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski lookalike, Angus.

That pulsating hell portal really ties the room together, man.
Angus and his crew are a special breed of priests who have been given a special calling, which involves getting rid of demons. This can range from something as simple as your standard exorcism (who hasn't done one of those, right?) to opening themselves to be possessed by the demon themselves and then committing suicide, thereby being sent to hell and dragging the demon back there with them.

One of the rules of being in the Order is that you have to maintain a certain level of sin in order to be "damnation-ready". According to Stephen, the de facto bookkeeper, this involves a 6/4 split: six of the Ten Commandments broken, as well as having acted on four of the Seven Deadly Sins. Anything less means that they are not ready to carry out their job, so Angus makes sure to badger everyone into being up-to-date, although the others tend to be a bit lax about it.

Coming soon: Roadhouse III: God's House...
When Elizabeth and Macon are dispatched to deal with a "mongoloid manchild" that has been possessed for almost thirty years, things go very, very wrong. Certr was trapped in the boy by a collar made of iron with sigils inscribed on it. Elizabeth takes the collar off, causing Cersr to be released, taking over Elizabeth's body, and throwing Macon a few blocks into the windshield of a truck. Then, still in Elizabeth's body, Certr goes off in search of new followers. (He totally should have tried Twitter.)

Larry wants to rescue Elizabeth because he still has strong feelings for her, having slept with her a year earlier to hit his sin quota.  (Adultery, as he is married to a Penelope, played briefly by Samantha Buck.) However, Angus is convinced that she cannot be saved, and he urges Larry to let her go.

She probably has to go get some Corn Nuts for Heather anyway.
The argument between them is shut down pretty quickly when a representative of the Bishop tells them they are being shut down and some less...embarrassing people will be taking their place. During the funniest fight scene an exorcist-based horror film has ever experienced, the call comes in, and everyone heads for Staten Island for the big confrontation.

Will the Order get there before their replacements? Will Certr be stopped, or will he open a portal to Hell and bring about the end of mankind? Will Elizabeth survive? You'll have to tune in to find out!

Or these guys will kick your ass.
Derek never saw this before. It was awesome, especially for a direct-to-video release. But what's going on with Larry's hair? Seriously. He looks like a Chia Pet that has mange. Still, a good flick.

Larry is not the one Derek was wondering about just now. But he is the guy who also liked this film, although he would have liked to see a little bit more of this "Hell portal" thingie all the kids seem to be so interested in these days.

Jake picked this movie, and he was right to do so. He knows that, too, so don't bother to say anything like that. He likes it, especially Clancy Brown's appearance. He also wonders about something we didn't mention in this post counting as one of Larry's sins. We're still not sure.

So put on your vestments, get your kit ready, and listen to this week's show!

January 23, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, guys!

I'm not gonna go into all the details about last week. I will mention literally millions of women marching on Saturday, which was pretty bitchen. I'll also mention the trailer for Logan, which was also pretty bitchen. Also, I got a lightsaber. AND THAT'S ALL THAT HAPPENED. PERIOD. (heh-heh...)

But there were also tweets! So I grabbed some to throw at your eyeballs! And part of the reason why I'm not adding GIFs this week is because this list is pretty heavy on pictures in its own right, so I didn't think it was necessary.  Now let's get to it, shall we?

In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now go out there and have an awesome week. To that end, here's a voicemail message that Larry's girlfriend Jenny found on YouTube from a guy who witnessed a car accident involving some elderly women in Texas. (I know that sounds horrible, but trust me when I tell you that you will not regret listening.)

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

January 18, 2017

Starship Troopers

To download, right-click here and choose, "Save file as..."

Once in a generation, a movie comes along that portrays the horrors of war so starkly, and changes the landscape so completely, that we can never look at the world the same way again.

And then there are movies like Starship Troopers, which do none of that, but it's still a fun way to kill a couple of hours.

Coincidentally, the same about of time it takes these lunkheads to boot up.
Anyway, Casper Van Dien is Johnny Rico! Denise Richards is Carmen Ibanez! Jake Busey is inconveniently a part of this cast! Dina Meyer is Dizz Florez! Michael Ironsides is Jean Rasczak! Neil Patrick Harris is angry Nazi Carl Jenkins! And so many more...

Rico and Carmen are madly in love at the high school they attend with Carl and Dizz in Buenos Ares, because they are obviously South American. Carmen is planning a career in the Federal Service as a pilot, and Johnny is planning to follow her into the service so he can get a crack at her goodies. Unfortunately for him, he's kinda stupid, so he gets sent to the mobile infantry. Carl, on the other hand, is super psychic, so he gets shipped off to some secret project where he reads brains and stuff. And then there's Dizz...

Sweet, neglected, smokin'  hot Dizz...
Dizz is madly in love with Johnny (for some inexplicable reason), and she, too, enters the Federal Service. Not necessarily to follow Johnny, but, yeah, it's totally for that. She makes a strong impression on the drill sergeant (Clancy Brown) when she arrives at the same base Johnny is stationed, but continues to be neglected by Johnny, the shithead.

Johnny manages to impress his commanding officers enough that they give him a squad of his own, which he promptly loses after getting one of his men killed. So bad are things that Ace (Busey) gets the squad leader position, and Johnny gets a serious whipping (not a metaphor) in front of the entire base.

Thusly embarrassed, Johnny makes plans to head home to Buenos Ares, until an asteroid, launched from the alien planet of Klendathu, wipes out the entire city, including his parents. Turns out the reason there is a Federal Service is so humans can fight the bug-like creatures of Klendathu, who appear to be just defending their own planet from the interloping humans who have set up bases in their space.

Just a regular, bloodthirsty arachnid, trying to make its way through life.
Dick move, humanity! This is not why the Vulcans established First Contact with us! But I'm mixing my sci-fi elements...

Carmen, meanwhile, is off learning how to fly spaceships with Zander (Patrick Muldoon), a Sportsball player that Johnny faced off against when they were in school. While learning to work the stick in space (heh-heh), Carmen, who has now broken up with Johnny, is also working Zander's stick, if you know what we're saying.

Zander, as you can see, is a Rob Lowe knock-off.
While everyone keep talking about what a great pilot Carmen is, she almost crashes into a bug asteroid, ripping off a large chunk of the ship, and, later, gets blown up...twice. All the while, she maintains a vapid expression of mld confusion that would make any right-thinking person wonder what it wrong with her.

Johnny and the rest of the space marines (it's more futuristic when you add "space" to the front of it) head out to check on what is believed to be a Mormon outpost on another planet, only to discover that it was actually a military spying outpost, which has been attacked by the bugs, and all the people have been killed, with the exception of General Owen (Marshall Bell), who informs them all that the bugs have a way to get inside humans' heads and control them. They want more information, but before they can ask, the bugs attack again.

It's a trap!
The general is squished by a bug (irony!), and Rasczak is ripped in half by something large that comes from under the ground. Ace and Johnny attack the cave the bugs came from and then retreat. Along the way, Dizz also dies, and Johnny gets all weepy because, not long before, he finally gave up the goods to her and realized that she was a better choice than Carmen.

Johnny is once again put in charge of the squad, and he leads the ground assault on Klendathu, which does not begin well. Nor does the coverage up in orbit around the planet, be cause the ships get all exploded by farting lightning bugs, and only Carmen and Zander can escape before their own ship goes up in flames.

They crash their escape pod through the ground and into the bugs' cave, where Zander gets his brains sucked out by a space vagina with a straw built in.

So that's what they look like...
Will Johnny and his roughnecks manage to rescue Carmen before the vagina bug sucks out her brains? Will Carmen give up her goods to Johnny now that Dizz and Zander are gone? Will Reichmeister Doogie Howser be able to read the bugs' minds?

And can they stop Dr. Jones from stealing the Ark of the Covenant?
You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry had not been able to make it all the way through this movie until this viewing, and realized just how wrong he was to bad-mouth it last week. He's really sorry. Also, he is really into the blood and gore used here.

Jake has been a huge fan of this movie since he first saw it with his brother. He attributes this to his love of Paul Verhoeven movies and bugs that look like scary spider vaginas. (This also goes toward why he enjoyed Godzilla's Revenge so much.)

Derek picked this flick, and he does not regret it one little bit. He will watch it again with great relish. He also thinks Dizz is the hotter of the two female leads, and he cannot understand what Johnny saw in Carmen.

So polish up your jackboots, put on your armor, and listen to this week's episode!

January 17, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, guys!

Well! It was a heck of a week last week, wasn't it? Where to start? Maybe I'll just talk about my own week.

My week started cold, like many others' week did. And not only was I unhappy about it, Bosco, who is usually always down for a romp outside when it snows, was also not feeling it, as can be seen below.

Fortunately, it looks like things are starting to turn around in the weather department.

So I have that going for me.

I also spent a good chunk of my week fighting corporate giants and news outlets with hard-hitting questions.

I have yet to receive a response, so I assume they are too intimidated by my straightforward questioning.

I do pride myself on my transitions...
In the ongoing disaster film that is Angry Orange, new allegations arose from a leaked--and unverified--secret document which claims the Russian government has potential blackmail material against him.

Specifically, the claim is that they have video of Angry Orange enjoying a "golden shower" party at a hotel in Moscow. To be even more specific, it appears he paid Russian prostitutes to come to the hotel and pee on the bed, which Angry Orange believed to be the same bed that President Obama and the First Lady slept in when they visited. What a sick fuck.

Naturally, Angry Orange denies it, and nobody believes him.

That's what he said.
There is also purported to be other important information about him being used as an unwitting stooge for Russian spying purposes, but that isn't what made the folks on Twitter cut loose with a steady stream of jokes. (See what I did there?)

Still, it all seems pretty sinister, and would explain why Angry Orange is so willing to put his faith in Russia than his own country's intelligence community.

I have nothing to add to this.
And finally, as I've mentioned before, I usually pick tweets to share for this list if they have less than 1,000 likes, because, as far as I'm concerned, that's plenty of love for those. However, I felt compelled to share this one because it's just so sincerely awesome. And I have a lot of respect for triangle players.

Really, what more do you need to know?

All right, all right...I'm getting to it.
Then there were tweets...SO many great ones. All on the mysterious digital land known as Twitter. As always, if you dig 'em, go and follow the folks who wrote 'em!

In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week, will ya? And to get it moving in the right direction, here's a short film from the guys who did the effects on Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness. It's...different.

And that's about it. You can go home now, Bruce. No need to hang around. We're gonna make a drink and relax.

Oh, don't  be like that.
All the best,
Derek and Bosco

January 11, 2017

The Goods

To download, right-click here and choose, "Save file as..."

Sometimes you just have to move the metal, ya know? And this week, that's exactly what the guys are doing, because they sat down to watch 2009's The Goods, starring Jeremy Piven,Ving Rhames, James Brolin, David Koechner, Kathryn Hahn, Ed Helms, Jordan Spiro, Tony Hale, Ken Jeong, Rob Riggle, Alan Thicke, Charles Napier, Jonathan Sadowski, Wendie Mallick, Noureen DeWulf, and Craig Robinson. What a cast, right? But that doesn't even cover some of the great cameos that show up.

And yet, for some reason, this movie is not very well liked. Why?

Eye strain from all the forced perspective shots intended to make Piven look normal-sized?
Don "The Goods" Ready (Piven) and his team (Koechner as Brent, Rhames as Jibby, Hahn as Babs) are mercenaries...Car-selling mercenaries. And they get a call from Ben Selleck (Brolin), whose car lot in Temecula, California, just isn't moving the metal, and that's bringing the dealership closer to being shut down. Don and his crew accept the job and head out, ready to sell some cars.

When they arrive, they meet Ben, who develops an immediate attraction to a completely disinterested Brent. Don starts crushing hard on Ben's daughter Ivy (Spiro), and Babs wants to get naked and do stuff to Peter (Riggle), Ben's ten-year-old son with a thyroid problem that has made his body develop to the size of a full-grown man's.

This is way more disturbing than Ben's fascination with Brent.
Once the team is made comfortable, they meet the dealership staff and start executing their plan, which involves advertising, booking a musical act, an inflatable gorilla, forcing through credit approval, lying about the car prices, and hiring a DJ. (The brilliant Craig Robinson as DJ Request.) The whole time, Don is trying to get closer to Ivy,but she is engaged to Paxton Harding (Helms), a guy with a $44 haircut and a"man band" called Big Ups. (It's like a boy band, but older.)

Derek refuses to call them by that name.
Additionally, Paxton and his father, Stu (Thicke), want to buy the dealership from Ben and turn it into a rehearsal space for Paxton's man band. Don refuses to let that happen, insisting that, with his team's help, they can sell all of those cars and make sure the dealership stays in Ben's hands. A bet is made, with Don offering to leave the mercenary business and get out of town if they can't sell all the cars on the lot, and Paxton will get the dealership for a rehearsal space. Both Stu and Ben agree.

The big day comes--the first of three over the July 4th weekend--and sales are brisk, with the staff moving over seventy cars. A big celebration ensues, and Babs tries to bed Peter, despite being told repeatedly that he is, in fact, only ten.

That shit ain't right, yo.
The second day brings problems. First, the commercial Don has Ben make convinces everyone that he is dying ("I got cancer of the nads..."), so the only people who show up are mourners with casseroles and fruit baskets. Undeterred, Don believes that the musical celebrity they booked--Bo Bice's brother Eric--will bring in the buyers. Unfortunately, they never find out, as Eric cancels due to adult chickenpox. One of the salesmen, Richard Lewiston (Napier), starts a riot and the police are called. And it's all narrated by DJ Request, who refuses to take requests.

Again, Don is unfazed. He and Ben use the news reporters covering the riot to advertise the discounts they plan to give to the police (or anyone wearing a police hat, or anyone who even says the word"police") for being heroes and stopping the riot. It works, and more cars are sold! (You're not even surprised a little bit, are you?)

Another celebration ensues, and this time Jibby hooks up with a stripper who was hired as a greeter, Babs continues to try to have sex with Peter, and Ivy finally gives in to Don, which is nice and all, until the next morning when she informs him that it was all just a one night stand before she marries Paxton.

Reasonably upset, Don storms off into the desert and finds a junkyard, where he has a vision of McDermott, his old friend who died in another sales stunt back in Albuquerque, Mew Mexico. (The Q, Duke City, Captain Kirk...)

It was a very strange stunt.
McDermott tells Don that he needs to get off the road and settle down. But first, he's got to sell those cars...

But will he? You'll have to watch to find out.

Derek didn't remember seeing this before, but apparently, he did. He really liked it, and he believes these are the kind of movies Will Farrell should be making. (Farrell is a producer on the film, along with Adam McKay.) He also wonders why Jeremy Piven can't get more comedic lead roles.

Larry picked the movie, so it's pretty clear he liked it. He  is deeply disturbed by Babs' obsession with Peter, but he's totally into Babs herself. He also thinks that McDermott was brilliant. And he was.

Jake is also concerned about Piven's inability to carry a movie, as well as why this film is so disliked. (Check RottenTomatoes.com's rating.) It is genuinely funny, and it deserves a second look. Also, Craig Robinson's character should get his own movie.

So put on your suit, shine your shoes, and listen to this week's show!

January 9, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, guys!

We're in Week Two of 2017, and we're still here. For now. However, in just eleven days, all bets are off. So we might as well have some fun until then, right?

Strobe light dance-off...GO!
Now, as I've been pretty good about not discussing Angry Orange lately, I'm taking a hiatus from my hiatus this week. But first, let's see what others are saying...

Yeah. What she said.
But, despite losing the popular vote by almost three million votes, he is still being inaugurated, and "many people are saying" that he is having trouble booking entertainment. SAD!

Angry Orange, however, is insisting that this is not an issue. He has the bigly-est entertainment booked! Whether they want to perform or not!

So not to worry, hillbillies that are unaware that they have inadvertently shot themselves in the foot and are now congratulating the gun on what a good job it did, you shall be entertained!

It means "enjoy yourself while you can, mouth-breathers...We're so screwed."
I'll close on the Angry Orange part with the following tweet that pretty much sums up my feelings about this disaster.

Well said, sir. Well said. I might also add:

Four. Fucking. Years...
Anyway, there were also tweets! Funny ones! And I looked at them, re-tweeted some, and now I'm passing the savings to you!

Go, you! It's your birthday! Go, you! It's your birthday!
As always, if you dig what you read, maybe head over to Twitter, follow these great folks, and join in the fun! Now...in no particular order...

And there you have it! Now go have an awesome week, will ya? To get it going, here are some My Name Is Earl bits to keep you cheerful.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

January 4, 2017

The Revenant (2009)

To download, right-click here and choose, "Save file as..."

The guys are back, and they're ready to start the new year with another movie that will make you wonder just what it is that someone's been putting in the food over here at Ugly Couchcast Industries, 2009's The Revenant, starring David Anders, Chris Wylde, Louise Griffiths, and Jacy King.

First and foremost, it needs to be noted that this movie should not be confused with 2015's The Revenant, which features Leonardo DiCaprio being mauled by a bear. And while the 2009 movie lacks any sort of bear attack (which, let's be honest, could have only made it better), it does include undead guys killing criminals. (Which is itself pretty awesome, but add in a bear attack and it will, like any other movie, become infinitely more awesome. Go ahead and try it. Fried Green Tomatoes? Bear attack. Bang! Instantly better. Citizen Kane? Already awesome because there's an unplanned pterodactyl in it, but even better with a bear attack in it. And there's even an opportunity to increase the awesomeness of animated movies! Imagine how much more dramatic Finding Nemo would have been if there was a swimming bear following Nemo and Dory the whole time, trying to eat them...)

Sorry, buddy. Maybe next time.

Bart (Anders) is a soldier in Iraq, and while out on patrol, he accidentally kind of hits a little kid with his transport truck. When he gets out to check on the kid, it turns out to be an ambush, and he is killed pretty quickly. Not a great way for the hero of the film to start. But a month later, when his body is returned to the states for his funeral, he suddenly wakes up and is unsure what happened. All he knows is that he's really stiff, and his mouth is sewn shut.

The real cause of "duck lips".
After he cuts his mouth stitches, he makes his way to his best friend Joey's (Wylde) house, hoping to get some help and maybe an explanation for what happened to him. Joey, naturally, responds poorly at first, convinced that someone is messing with him when Bart first knocks on his door. When he sees that it actually is Bart, Joey takes it even worse, hitting him with a baseball bat and screaming a lot before realizing that his best friend, who he thought was dead, is now...undead.

Joey tries to feed Bart, but it doesn't go well, and involves gallons of gross black fluid all over the carpet. A quick trip tot he hospital ensues, and the nurse (Stacy Glassgold) is unable to determine exactly what the problem is, except that Bart does not look well, and she calls for help. Bart runs out, and Joey takes him back to the apartment, where Bart "dies" as the sun is coming up.

The next morning, Joey makes breakfast and tries again, but it ends the same way it did last time, but all over the kitchen table. This is a pretty gooey film. It soon becomes apparent that regular living people food isn't going to do the trick, so they sneak into a different hospital (or blood bank) so Bart can get some human blood. When he's caught by a nurse (Yvette Freeman) while trying to break into the cooler where the blood is, he pulls a gun on her, and she tries to convert him to Scientology. (Did we mention that this is a comedy/horror film?)

Like The Office meets Night of the Living Dead.
Loaded with fresh blood, Bart is ready to party, so he and Joey cruise the L.A. Strip, trying to pick up women. Again, Bart "dies" as the sun comes up, and Joey has to carry him up to the apartment again.

Joey gets hold of Mathilda (King), a nurse and practicing Wiccan, to give Bart a look and see what can be done. She suggest cutting his head off because she is convinced Bart is a vampire. Joey refuses and demands she not tell Bart's former girlfriend, Janet (Griffiths), that he is back. mathilda grudgingly says she won't, but breaks that promise almost immediately. But we'll get to that.

Mathilda: Cute? Yes. Helpful? Not particularly.
That night, while out cruising around again, Joey and Bart are mugged by a Hispanic guy named Miguel (Emiliano Torres) who takes offense at them being in his part of town. He shoots Bart, but that doesn't slow him down. He and Joey kill Miguel, and Bart drinks his blood. Inspired by this, as well as a robbery they stop the next day, Joey and Bart decide to become vigilantes, ridding Los Angeles of the criminal element, as well as finding a regular source of food for Bart so he won't decompose. It's win-win!

Shortly after, Mathilda brings Janet to Joey's apartment, having told her about Bart. Janet sees Bart when he revives that night, and they spend some quality time together. Mathilda, however, still thinks that Bart needs to be killed, and accuses Joey of stringing him along because he feels guilty about sleeping with Janet after Bart's funeral.

Out for another night of fighting (and eating) crime, Joey tries to get involved when it looks like Bart is being outnumbered while stopping a convenience store robbery, and he gets gutshot for his efforts. While driving around, looking for a hospital, Joey dies and Bart feeds on him.

Joey IS Dennis Franz as Weasel in Deadpool!
The next day, Joey comes back, and they start killing bad guys with more enthusiasm. When they invade a warehouse full of drug dealers, they kill all of them, only to discover that they were cops. Joey is okay with it because they were dirty cops, but Bart is still upset. Before they can do anything more, Mathilda shows up, having followed them to the warehouse, and confronts them, revealing that she recorded video of them killing the cops and is going to send it to Janet, the police, and anybody else who will listen. Joey wants no part of that, so he shoots her, but not before she can send the video to Janet.

Hello. We've come to ask if you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal s-BRAAAAAIIIINNNS!
A plan is hatched to get them out of town, and Joey takes off to find transportation for them. Bart takes Joey's car back to the apartment to get their stuff together, only to find Janet waiting for him. She tells him that there's no reason for him to keep killing people because he can feed off of her. She slices her arm and he feeds. In fact, he sort of overfeeds, killing Janet. Whoops.

Joey arrives with a tricked-out hearse, and Bart tells him what happened with Janet, which leads to the funniest scene of the movie, where the two shoot each other over and over while arguing about what to do next. Bart wants to wait and see if Janet comes back. Joey wants to cut her up and toss her in the river. When Bart refuses, Joey leaves.

Realizing Joey was probably right, Bart cuts Janet into pieces, wraps her up, and throws the parts into the river they had been dumping their victims into the whole time. Unfortunately, the police SWAT team is there, and they take Bart prisoner. Again, while in his cell, he "dies", and his body is taken to the morgue, where he awakens the next morning, just in time to give a coroner (David Ross Paterson) a fatal heart attack. Escaping again, he heads back to the apartment.

Woah-woah-woah! Put on some shorts, pal!
Meanwhile, Joey is having problems of his own. It turns out that Miguel is back now, and he's a little unhappy about what happened to him. He woke up at the bottom of the river with fish eating his eyelids. He does not look good at all. But he figured out what happened, and how to end it, so he cuts Joey into little pieces, delivering his head to the doorstep of the apartment where Bart is.

Another funny scene ensues involving Bart making Joey's severed head talk with a vibrator that Joey just happened to have in his nightstand. Joey informs Bart that Miguel is coming for him, and then asks Bart to let him die because "I don't want to spend eternity with a fuckin' dildo strapped to my chin." Bart obliges, using a steamroller. It, like much of the other stuff in this movie, is really gooey.

Steamroller death > Dildo voicebox
Unable to deal with having to destroy his best friend and killing his girlfriend, Bart decides to end it all, but it turns out to be not nearly as easy as he hopes. After multiple attempts, he finds himself on the subway with his arm in his hand. (This is not a typo. Trust us on this.) A quick murder later, and the police are at the subway station to stop him...

Will it work? Will Bart finally get the release he wants? Will the police efficiently do what nobody else could? You'll have to watch to find out.

Jake picked this one, and he loves it, although he is a bit disappointed with the green screen work done at the end of the film. Otherwise, it's a great mix of comedy and horror, and he will be happy to talk about ti at length with anyone who wants to.

Larry also loved it, being a fan of the undead and all, and is the only one of the guys able to come up with a reasonable term for what Bart actually is: a "Zompire"--not quite a zombie, but also not quite a vampire. Something in between.

Derek came into this one with low expectations (mostly because of the lack of bear attacks, to be honest), and was pleasantly surprised. He has a lot of questions, though. What is the army's deal? Also, why was there a random dong just all out there in one scene?

So ice up your dead buddy, prepare a Spam omelette, and tune in to this week's episode!

January 3, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, guys! How were your holidays?

Oh...Um. Okay.

My holidays were fine. Thanks for asking.
So what say we dispense with the formalities and just get on with some tweets? And, as always, if you dig what you read, get over to Twitter and follow these greats folks!

In no particular order...

And there you have it! A good start to the New Year. Now get out there and make it better than 2016 was. That shouldn't be too hard. But to get you in the right frame of mind, here's this song:

All the best,
Derek and Bosco