Graffiti Bridge

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Let's get this out of the way, right off the bat: We at Here Be Spoilers absolutely love Prince. We've all listened to his music since at least his 1999 album. Derek was even lucky enough to see him in concert once.

But, alas, even Prince was human, and therefore capable of making mistakes. And Derek and Larry sat down to have a look at one of them, 1990's Graffiti Bridge. And then they talked about it. And then Derek somehow managed to lose the recording somewhere in the vast disk drive of the very laptop on which this page is being created. So they sat down a week later to talk about it again. This time, it stuck.

Graffiti Bridge is an "unofficial" sequel to 1984's vastly superior Purple Rain. Prince is The Kid, a Minneapolis musician who is also half owner of a club called Glam Slam, which resides in an area known as Seven Corners.

With Special Guests...BELL BIV DEVOE! (Not really.)

The owner of the other half is none other than Morris Day (as Morris Day). Both men were willed the club when Billy, the owner of 7th Avenue in Purple Rain, passed away sometime between the two movies.

Morris has taken a dark turn since 1984, and is now some kind of low-rent gangster in the area. He wants all the clubs in Seven Corners (there is George's, which is run by George Clinton; there is Melody Cool, which is run by Mavis Staples as Melody herself; and there is Pandemonium, which is run by Morris), but The Kid refuses to hand over his half. This disagreement leads to numerous musical confrontations, usually at Glam Slam.

See? Obvious gangsters. Not "gangstas". These guys dress better.

Meanwhile, a mysterious woman named Aura (Ingrid Chavez) has drifted into Seven Corners, and she has a running internal monologue that sort of explains why she's there, although it is left vague enough that it takes some time before she reveals she's some sort of angelic-type person. She has come to Seven Corners to help The Kid along his path to enlightenment and spirituality. For some reason, she also seems to think she can turn Morris in that direction, as well. On top of that, she takes up residence under the bridge mentioned in the title, like some kind of poetry-writing, Latino bridge troll.

She may be from Heaven, but she will not tolerate billy goat jokes.

Naturally, The Kid and Morris both fall for her, which brings a new angle to their ongoing battle, despite Morris being with Robin (Robin Power) and The Kid having something going on with Jill (Jill Jones, who played the blond-haired waitress in Purple Rain).

Morris tries to woo Aura with his usual style, including the help of his associate/manservant(?), Jerome (Jerome Benton). This is accomplished by getting her drunk at his club and then abducting her so he can take her back to his house and do unspeakable things to her.

Fortunately, The kid intervenes, causing an awkward moment between Morris and Jerome, and then takes her still-unconscious self back to his place. When she wakes up, he attempts a weird seduction that involves forcing her to play Hangman with him while he wordlessly lay uncomfortably close to her in his bed.

This is some serious SIlence of the Lambs serial killer stuff right here.

Morris sends his guys to trash Glam Slam a few times in order to force The Kid out, but it just makes him funk harder, if you can believe that's possible. Unfortunately, in his attempts to display his funkitude, he starts to drive Aura away because he strays away from the spirituality.

Things are not exactly going so well for Morris, either, as his band wants more money, Robin wants more money, and Jerome seems to be getting fed-up with Morris being so mean all the time. In fact, he even challenges Morris to an odd money-counting contest.

And it is set to the tune, "Duelin' Banjos". Really.

Things finally come to a head when The Kid challenges Morris and The Time to a battle with his own band, New Power Generation. Morris agrees, and the stage is set, so to speak. But who will win? What will become of Aura, who tells The Kid that she will not be around for long? How does a giant velvet painting of a nude, large-breasted angel fit in to all this? And how does Melody, who appears to be well into her fifties or early sixties, have a son who is about 14 (Tevin Campbell as Tevin)? You'll have to tune in to find out!

Also, what was it like to be on the set and working as an extra? Well, we can help you there, because Derek was lucky enough to exchange messages with Beth "Beez" McKeever, prop diva for Mystery Science Theater 3000, and Prince enjoyer. She was kind enough to talk about her experiences working as a club extra in two scenes, as well as some fun stories about what it was like to just sort of, you know, be around such a fascinating and talented artist.

This is the opening New Power Generation performance...

...and here she is on the Pandemonium set, "trying to shake something" (her words)
during a performance by The Time.

Derek freely admits that this movie is not great. However, he will defend the soundtrack to the very end because there are some great songs. He is also enraged that we are only shown what is at four of the Seven Corners. What is on the other three? Also, what the heck is up with the ending?!

Larry did not care for this movie at all. He, too, liked the soundtrack, but did not feel it make up for the story, such as it was. He did enjoy those few moments where Morris and Jerome slipped back into their comedy, which felt like it did in Purple Rain. Too bad there wasn't more of that.

So put on your shimmery pants with the buttcheeks cut out, slip on those giant heels, and listen to this week's episode!