November 30, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, gang!

Well, it's been a helluva week. I hope all of you had a good Thanksgiving. I had to work, but I did get to enjoy a nice dinner with my girlfriend Tonya and her family. We also kicked off Holiday Moviepalooza by watching The Nightmare Before Christmas! But more on that whole thing later.

First, let's take a look at some of the funniest folks on the Twitter machine! And if you dig 'em, by all means, go ahead and get on there and follow them, darn it!

In no particular order...

And there you have it! Pretty groovy, yes?

Now, on to some other important stuff.

Because we're all about class here at The Ugly Couchcast!
Well, kids, it took some time to get it all together, but we've finally put together the Official Here Be Spoilers Holiday Moviepalooza Viewing List with a Very Long Title! Have a look:

(Titles marked with an asterisk will be featured on Here Be Spoilers)

Week 1
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Miracle on 34th Street
Christmas with the Kranks
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Lethal Weapon
A Christmas Story
A Christmas Story 2*

Week 2
Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas
Batman Returns
Bad Santa
Die Hard
Trapped In Paradise
Black Christmas*

Week 3
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
A Christmas Carol (starring Patrick Stewart)
Rare Exports
A Muppet Christmas Carol
A Christmas Wish

Week 4
Jack Frost
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Jingle All the Way
The Littlest Angel
Beyond Tomorrow
Reindeer Games
The Star Wars Holiday Special*

Christmas Day Release:
We will be posting our very own It's A Wonderful Life commentary!

So, if you want to play along at home, get to watchin'! And be sure to download the weekly episodes where we will discuss all the movies!

Also, have an awesome week! And kick it off by watching this clip from the above-mentioned Star Wars Holiday Special! It has Bea Arthur in it!

Hey, it could have been worse...It could have been the first thirty minutes, which features almost no human dialog at all! Have a great week!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

November 26, 2014

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

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You know what this podcast was missing? Barely legal teenage girls. And that's why, when Larry told the guys he couldn't make it for this week's episode, they invited their friend, Jessica Kinney, to watch what can only be described as "some sort of moving image that isn't very good at all".

And what better way to destroy her will than to show her Birdemic: Shock and Terror?

A unique interpretation of Hitchcock's "Rear Window".
Birdemic is the story of a robot that is slowly learning to be more human (Alan Bagh) while he pursues a Victoria's Secret model (Whitney Moore) who inexplicably talks to her food and does her photo shoots at a one-hour photo place, so he can wear her skin. We think.

Surprisingly, he is not the rapiest guy in the movie!
This movie has everything! Good V't'n'mese R'strau', software companies being sold to other software companies, a refreshingly riot-free Pumpkin Festival, people shitting in fields, a tree-hugging hippie, a crazy doctor who can't explain science, global warming, animals such as seals(!), LOTS of peace imagining, and, of course, slr pnls! And driving. Lots of driving.

There also may be birds of some description in there somewhere. And uncomfortable-to-watch attempted sex scenes.

Good V't'n'mese R'strau' makes an unpleasant return later in the movie...
Jake gets upset about Rod's friend's need to air-hump whenever he has to talk. Jessica, as girls her age are wont to do, can't even. And Derek, despite getting angry with the movie while talking about it, loves the film unabashedly. He is unable to explain why.

No idea why, but it's the BEST. MOVIE. EVER.
There's also a reeeeeally long song from the movie, a further update on this year's #HolidayMoviepalooza, and Jessica takes part in this week's thrilling edition of The Nicholas Cage-Off!

So tune it, turn on and get your eyes pecked out by poorly-made bird .GIFs! Listen to Birdemic: Shock and Terror!

November 23, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, kids! Guess what time it is!




No, not that, either.


You know what? Why don't I just tell you? Otherwise, we'll be here all week, and I've got stuff to do.

It's time for another thrilling episode of Using Stuff That Other People Wrote To Make It Look Like I Did Something! (editor's note: We have GOT to come up with a better title than that.)

I have combed the vast wasteland that is Twitter to bring you five -- maybe even TEN -- minutes' worth of laughs! I do this as a service to you, the reader, as well as the hilarious people I have come across in my daily search for a nice, short giggle. These people crack me up. If they crack you up, too, why not head over there and get a giggle or two?

Anyway, here's this week's list of funny retweets. Stick around after for a brief announcement about this week's Here Be Spoilers episode, as well as another fun video clip! But first, the tweets...In no particular order...

And there you have it!

And now, on to other stuff...

First off, thanks to all of you who have been so patient with us at Here Be Spoilers while we've dealt with computer problems, scheduling issues, rains of frogs (and some lovely sponge cake), and what may or may not have been the opening of the Seventh Seal. (Still checking on that last one.)

This next few weeks are going to be like that, too; Larry won't be able to make it for this week's show, and Jake will be going out of town for Thanksgiving, so he won't be here for the show after that.

But this time...this time...we have a plan.

This week, we'll be having our first-ever guest on the show! Her name is Jessica Kinney, and she is a mutual friend of  Jake and myself. On top of that, we'll be watching one of my own personal favorite movies of all time: Birdemic: Shock and Terror!


And as for the following week, to kick off our month-long Holiday Moviepalooza, we will be joined by my own personal girlfriend, Tonya Mehler. This seemed like a logical choice to me, because she was the guest on The Ugly Couchcast Christmas Eve Self-Pity Extravaganza last year. We're still plotting which movie we'll be watching for that show, so stay tuned!

And on that note, we move along to a nifty little video clip to help get your week started off with a laugh. It's Ali Spagnola again, being funny and awesome with her Hunger Games Franchise Folk Song!

Have a great week, everybody!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

November 16, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

It's that time again, gang! As always, I have spent countless minutes searching out and curating some of the funniest tweets I happened to run across while idly staring at Twitter on my phone at various points throughout my day.

Isn't it exciting to get these candid behind-the-scenes peeks at the goings on-around this joint?

Anyway, before I get started, I just wanted to give everyone a heads-up about this week's episode of Here Be Spoilers. Specifically, why there won't be one.

You see, we don't get paid for doing that show. We do it because we love movies, and we hope you get a kick out of us yammering away about them. if you do, thanks. We appreciate it. However, sometimes our real-life jobs get in the way of our recording schedulhe, which is, itself, pretty difficult to set up in the first place, due to all of us working different shifts. usually,ave we would have recorded today, but due to a scheduling conflict on my part, it just didn't happen.

That said, there will be a new episode out a week from Wednesday, and we hope you'll tune in and have a few laughs with us at The Undertaker and his Pals.

And so...

Enough of that stuff. let's get on with the funny, shall we? And, as always, it's in no particular order...

And there you have it! Good times, indeed!

On that note, all of us here at The Ugly Couchcast hope you have a fantastic week. And let us help it along with this classic clip from Weird Al Yankovic!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

November 12, 2014

The Wraith (aka "Shut Up, Jake!")

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Just when we thought Steel Dawn was the be-all, end-all of 80's movies, Jake showed up with 1986's The Wraith (or Wraith The, if you read the title card normally) neatly tucked under his arm.

It "starred" Charlie Sheen, Nick Cassavetes, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid, and one of the guys' favorite character actors, Clint Howard as "Rughead".

THRILL! To a guy who may or may not have actually been actual Charlie Sheen (though probably not) wearing an actual costume that actually hides his actual face!

SNORT! As Nick Cassavetes slowly morphs into a haggard Rick Springfield, Sherilyn Fenn turns into Kirstie Alley, and Charlie Sheen, for one brief moment, turns into Ron Weasley!

GLANCE! At your watch as you wonder how much more of this you will have to sit through before you see boobies! (Two-thirds. The answer is two-thirds.)

REVEL! As Rughead suffers from eating one of Burger Boy's "special" burgers!

YAWN! As, once the internal rectal storm has passed, Rughead airs out his favorite thong!

"One day I will meet a girl who will fit into this better than I do!"
Also, there's a bunch of cars and ghosts and shiny lights and they-don't-know-what-all because none of the guys were really paying that close attention to whatever the hell was going on. Jake is annoyed by the lack of Charlie Sheen in this Charlie Sheen movie, Derek wanted to punch the stupid ending in its stupid face, and Larry wants to know whether Jon Cryer will be replacing Charlie Sheen in a reboot, if that ever happens. (It should.)

There's also another thrilling edition of The Nicholas Cage-Off (with its own theme music!), entertainment "news", Larry's new Top Ten segment, and a frank discussion about what Jake's first screenplay will be about, should he ever get around to writing one. Plus some exciting news about #HolidayMoviepalooza!

So what are you waiting for? Download the new episode now!

NEXT WEEK: The Undertaker and His Pals! (You can watch it for free on YouTube!)

November 9, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey there, gang! What a week, huh? It's finally starting to get cold, there were midterm elections in which the Democratic party lost its control of the Senate, Macaulay Culkin was pronounced dead on Facebook (don't worry...He's not really), and the rest of the normal world spent the beginning of the week either trying to avoid a sugar coma from eating their kids' Halloween candy or trying to pry their kids off the ceiling because of it.

Myself, it was a pretty good week. We (Jake, Larry and myself) recorded one of the funniest podcasts we'd done in a long time after an extended hiatus due to my computer issues (we also just recorded one today that's even funnier which will be up Wednesday), and I started planning out my third Holiday Moviepalooza. (More on that later.)

But before I get into any of that, let's have a look at the fine, funny people on the Twitter machine, shall we? And, as always, if you find these folks funny, join Twitter and follow 'em! Or find other funny people! Or both! Look, do I have to explain everything to you?

Anyway, in no particular order...

And there you have it! Pretty groovy, yes? I certainly thought so.

Now, as I mentioned earlier in this post, it's almost time for #HolidayMoviepalooza again!

The way it works is, every year, starting on Thanksgiving Day, I watch one holiday movie each day, until Christmas Day. (By "holiday movie", of course, I mean Christmas, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan...Any of those end-of-the-year-holiday-type-things.) There will be classics, such as A Christmas Carol. There will be funny ones, like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Action movies will be watched, like Lethal Weapon. (Look, we went over this last year. Is is too a Christmas movie. If Die Hard  and  Gremlins can be classified that way -- and they will also be seen -- so can a movie where a pre-racist Mel Gibson is a cop...on The Edge!)

This year will be my third or fourth time doing this. But this year Larry and Jake from Here Be Spoilers will be watching the movies, as well. Joining us for several of the movies will also be my girlfriend Tonya. (You may remember her from last year's Christmas Eve Self-Pity Extravaganza.)

As it's still in the planning stages, I can't really offer more information just yet. There will be updates in the upcoming podcasts leading up to the start of the whole thing, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, why not start your week out by watching four minutes of Nicholas Cage freaking out a lot? (NSFW)

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

November 5, 2014

The Creeping Terror

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Oh, people...The guys had a real winner this week, and it was all because of Marco Platt.

You see, Marc was in a band with Derek's brother, Vern, called My Secret Life, and Derek used to act as a guitar tech (and occasional photographer) for them, largely because he liked the music, some of which can be found here.

Anyway, as a result, a mutual friendship formed around a love of music in general, the Beatles specifically, and cheesy sci-fi/horror flicks from the 50's and 60's! And when the guys did an episode for the movie Horror of Party Beach, Marc got pretty excited. And he got even more excited when Derek told him that the next movie he picked would be the 1964 "classic", The Creeping Terror!

An anthropomorphic wad of gum! RUN!
And what a movie it was! There's so much awesome to stare at and be be confused by! Dumb cops! Laundry being hung out to dry! Even dumber victims! Terrible narration! Incompetent soldiers! Rectal thermometers! (Wait, what?)

And the stupidest-looking monster ever to grace the silver screen (at least until Mac & Me).

No, seriously. This is it.
(It should be noted that, in the above photo, the victim in the monster's space vagina/mouth more than likely had to crawl in there on his own.)

Jake is bothered by the narrator. HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO SAYS ANYTHING! Larry is upset by the car humping scene. Derek is irritated by the exploding scientist. It's just...awful. But fun! Which is why you should listen to this episode!

Also: Another round of the Nicholas Cage-Off! Tune in now!

Next Week's Movie: Charlie Sheen in The Wraith!

November 2, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Once again, it's time to cull the vast landscape that is Twitter for all of ten to fifteen minutes (budgeting know how it is) for a bunch of tweets that will, hopefully, give you all a giggle like they did me.

Before that, however, I just wanted to tell you all I hope you had a fantastic Halloween that was filled with candy, either earned by you going from door-to-door and demanding strangers give it up because you were wearing a disguise of some sort, or by just stealing your kids' candy. Whichever works, I guess.

Dramatic re-enactment of my own Halloween experience.
Halloween is the start of the holiday season. Oh, sure, some would say it's Thanksgiving, but those people are idiots. If it were Thanksgiving, why would the Christmas decorations be out in stores already? Heck, some places had them out in late September. And, as usual, all the businesses are starting to hype their "Black Friday" sales already.

(Black Friday, by the way, is becoming more and more of a misnomer each year, as stores open earlier and earlier to make sure they can suck in the consumer dollars with ridiculous "deals" that only require the customer to get in line even earlier to make sure they'll get their precious little rug munchers this year's latest trendy Cabbage Patch Transforming Jedi Dream House. As of today, I know of at least two stores that will be opening for their Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving Day at 6:00 PM. Th' hell?)

Some of us, however, will be avoiding that stuff like the plague. Unfortunately, due to my line of employment, I will be in the thick of it, so stay tuned for shaky cell phone video of people beating each other up over a toy their children will have broken and forgotten within a week of receiving it for Christmas!

But enough of that. Let's get on with the funny! In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and face the week! And to help it along, enjoy this little Halloween clip from Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy at!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco