February 27, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Everybody shut up! There's important news!

Okay...Now that we have that out of the way, I'm going to make this short and sweet.

Let's get down with our bad selves!
First off, Angry Orange is still having a not very good time of being the boss of everybody, and it is getting weird now.

It started with White House spokestoddler Sean Spicer banning certain news organizations from the White House briefings. It turns out that the ones that were banned were the ones that happened to be reporting on the ties between his boss and Russia, which makes the Angry Orange cranky. And when that happens, everybody suffers.

To be honest, nobody's really losing out on not being there. All Spicer does is lie, and with all the leaks coming out of the White House, getting real news isn't all that hard.

Dramatic re-enactment of the most recent press gaggle.
All of the battling with the press is causing some tension over what's going to happen with the White House Correspondents' Dinner. At first, a number of news organizations canceled parties they had planned for that night as a protest against the White House's choice to shut out some reporters. However, Angry Orange soon tweeted that he would not be attending them dinner. (This is the first time since Nixon that a president straight-up declined to attend. President Reagan didn't attend in 1981, but he had a doctor's note that excused him from making jokes due to gunshot wounds.) So now, the organizers are scrambling to decide what to do. Of course, a few people had some suggestions...

Personally, I'd like to see Alec Baldwin show up in full costume.

Whatever, Ron. Whatever.
Also this week, CPAC had their big ol' meeting to decide how much more evil they can be. Angry Orange was the keynote speaker, and it was...odd.


That's what rock and roll music does to you.
As for myself, I had a fun week.

Oh, and one last thing about Angry Orange that I almost forgot, which prompted the "getting weird" comment:

So...uh...there's that.

And, of course, there was Twitter! Seriously, were it not for the fine folks there, I might have just lost it by now. Their funny makes my angry go away. So let me share it with you, won't us? In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now go have an awesome week. To help you along, here's a little tease of what this week's Here Be Spoilers will be like...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

February 22, 2017

Once Bitten

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Once a lifetime, a movie comes along that will change your life. This week's film is not one of them, unless you count getting 90 minutes older as a life change.

This week, the guys sat down (at least one of them against their will) to watch 1985's Once Bitten, starring Jim Carrey, Lauren Hutton, Cleavon Little, and Karen Kopins. Megan Mullally also makes a brief appearance, but not so's you'd notice.

Mark (Carrey) is a 21-year-old (or possibly 18-year-old) college (or high school) student who really wants to get laid by his girlfriend of six (or possibly four) years, Robin, but she won't give up her naughty bits.

Possibly because, like most people, she is repulsed by Jim Carrey's touch.
So, faced with his six-(or four-)year blueballs just straight-up exploding and potentially putting the entire city of Los Angeles in danger of being covered in grossness, Mark lets his horndog buddies, Jamie (Thomas Ballatore) and Russ (Skip Lackey) talk him into cruising the Sunset Strip in Mark's ice cream truck, trying to find women that will utter those two magic words: "Why not?"

Jamie and Russ, although we're not sure which is which, like it matters.
They find themselves at a bar that does some sort of weird pre-speed dating kind of thing, where each table has a phone (shaped like lips) and a light with a number on it. If, say, you felt like allowing two or three incredibly hammy actors rub their gross selves against you, you would call the number of the table these bozos are sitting at. And get this: Somebody does call! And they want to buy Mark a drink! What are the odds?

When Mark goes to the bar to see who called, he meets the Countess (Hutton), who, it should be noted, is a vampire that needs to drink the blood of a virgin male three times within the next ten days (or maybe less...the continuity on this film is non-existent) in order to maintain her "youthful" (for a vampire, at least) appearance.

This would never happen in the real world.
She buys him a drink, the Countess' servant, Sebastian (Little) takes them back to her mansion, and bites him on the inner thigh to draw the blood she needs. If your brain is not throwing up all over the inside of your head as you read that, you need help.

Immediately, Mark shows signs of becoming a vampire: aversion to bright light, craving raw meat, hissing at children, slicking back his hair...You know; the usual vampire stuff.

When Kim finds out that Mark had himself a crazy night with another woman, she breaks up with him (or, again, possibly doesn't). Until he stalks her at work and tries to sex up a bunch of clothes while she's dealing with a customer. She can only make him stop by forcing him to try on new clothes, and when he goes into the fitting room, he finds that the Countess has followed him there to get a second helping of blood. What follows is a Three's Company-style scene where Mark tries to fool Kim into thinking he's in there by himself, but the Countess is trying to give it away that she's in there! It's kooky!

Cleavon should have known better.
Jumping forward (or possibly backward...Again, the timeline is kind of sketchy), Mark and Kim attend the college (or high school) pre-Halloween Hop on Halloween, and everyone thinks Mark is dressed as a vampire! But he's not! And the Countess shows up, setting off one of the shittiest dance-off scenes ever committed to film, and ending with Kim getting kidnapped and taken back to the mansion, where she will be used as bait to get Mark and his idiot posse to show up so she can feed for the third and final time.

It's like the dance-off in Grease, but worse.
When Mark and the toolbags find Kim, who was conveniently stuffed in the basement right near where they came in, they set off to find a way out, only to run across the Countess and her other, lesser vampires. A Scooby-Doo-style chase ensues, winding up with Mark in a gynecological exam chair. The posse finally does something useful, grabbing torches to hold the vampires at bay so Mark and Kim can escape...

But not before Kim tells the Countess to fuck off, as it should be.
Will the Countess and her minions catch up with them before they can escape? Will she feed for the third time, restoring her life for another century or two? Or will Kim give up the goods to save Mark's life?

It's that third one. Mark and Kim do it in the Countess' coffin.

Now you don't have to watch it, because fuck this movie. You're welcome.
Derek hated this movie as much as he expected to. He is irritated by the severe lack of continuity. And everything else about this film. But Kim and the Countess were nice to look at, and he hoped there would be some wrasslin' between them.

Larry still claims to love this movie and thinks it's a good watch with friends. He is wrong. The most the others are willing to concede is that there was one good joke in the chase scene. But that's it.

Jake is worried because he could potentially end up as collateral damage in the battle between the other two (which Larry started by introducing a Jim Carrey movie into the mix), and has already contacted Ken Burns to create a documentary about it.

February 20, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, everybody!

Well! It's been another week, and a lot of weird stuff has gone on. I'm going to get right to it, right after I post this GIF:

Which is why I do this; it's my version of meditation.

Last week kicked off with the Grammys, an award show that, if pressed, I could name maybe three of the "artists" who were up for awards this year. And, more importantly, I could not possibly care less about the awards because the show is so boring.

That was followed by Valentine's Day. And it appears that I'm not the only one who isn't a fan. But it was good for a laugh or two.

Myself, I went to go see LEGO Batman: The Movie and absolutely loved every single frame of it.

Seriously, stop reading this and go see it right now, if you haven't already. And even if you did, finish reading this, and then go see it. If you disagree with its awesomeness, I will fight you.

And it looks like Angry Orange is sprinting as fast as his doughy body can carry him toward either impeachment, treason charges, or straight-up insanity. Or possibly all of the above. And he's making more and more enemies as he goes on.

And you just made the list.
The frowny-faced, lint covered Jack-o-Lantern decided earlier last week that he needed to have his own press conference instead of letting Spicey have all the fun. Needless to say, it did not go well.

Along with that, just about everybody he has nominated for a cabinet position has either been forced to resign, backed out of the running, or just plain refused the position. It seems that his claim that he knows "the smartest people" is coming back to bite him on the ass. I don't know if they truly are the smartest, but they're smart enough to see where this administration is heading, and they want absolutely no part of it.

So what do we do? Fortunately, a couple friends of mine have suggestions.

Either of those works for me.

Because impeachment has that effect on me.
Another funny thing that has come to light since Angry Orange has started meeting various foreign leaders:

But, again, this information is providing some seriously entertaining ideas.

I would play that game. It's like a passive-aggressive version of Mortal Kombat.

Oh, and I discovered (and rediscovered) some fun things this week.

Now are you ready for some tweets that'll make you laugh your face right off?

Well, then...let's do this! And, as always, if you dig the tweets, follow the folks on Twitter! In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week! To help that along, here are some bloopers from The Office.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

February 15, 2017


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Back before there was Batfleck...Before there was Argo...Heck, even before a turn as Bartleby in Dogma, there was Ben Affleck in 1998's Phantoms.

Oh, sure, you could mention that it also included future Sabretooth Liev Schreiber, future Mrs.Marilyn Manson Rose McGowan, future Home Alone 4 part-haver Joanna Going, and, it must be added, former alive person Peter O'Toole. But the most important thing to take away from this film is that it is not good at all. And, as it came out the same year as Armageddon--a film which Derek has pointed out numerous times whose mission would have gone off without a hitch, had lunkheaded A.J. (Affleck) not gone along and been the cause of so many deaths and horrible maimings.

1998: Affleck's Year of Being an Idiot
As best as the guys can tell, Lisa Pailey (McGowan) is going to spend time with her sister, Dr. Jennifer (Going), in her little town somewhere in Colorado. When they get there, however, something is amiss. Nobody is anywhere to be found. The entire town's electricity appears to only be intermittently working. Oh, and there's some pies in an oven with severed heads dropping on top of them.

Naturally, Dr. Jennifer comes to the conclusion that this could be some kind of virus (because those things decapitate people all the time), so she and her sister try to find a weapon so they can shoot it. Apparently, they play pretty fast-and-loose with who gets to be a doctor in Colorado.

Not the brightest crayons in the toolbox.
While searching for weapons, they meet up with Sheriff Hammond (Affleck), and his two deputies, Steve (Nicky Katt) and Stu (Schreiber), who join them in searching the town. They head to a nearby inn that appears to have working lights, and begin searching the rooms.

Deputy Stu is also known as "Rapey McRapeface" by close friends and witnesses.
While searching, Steve quickly gets taken out of the picture by...something. Also, Stu gets caught getting a little handsy with a corpse, and Sheriff Affleck finds a mirror with the name "Timothy Flyte" written on it, in an empty, locked bathroom with no windows.

A further search brings the gang to the police station, where Affleck gets the radio working long enough to tell someone from another town to alert the FBI, the CDC, and anyone else who will listen about what's going on in this little town. He also asks them to forward the name Timothy Flyte to the FBI to see what they can find out. Shortly after, Deputy McRapeface is attacked by a giant murdermoth that humps his face to death.

It turns out that Timothy Flyte (O'Toole) is an actual person, and the FBI find him working at a tabloid, where he writes stories. The agents scoop him up, throw him on a plane, and ship him off to Colorado, where they hope he can be of some use.

Like testing their new fart-containment suits.
He teams up with a number of scientists who, armed with mobile laboratories and some military weaponry, head into town and find piles of jewelry, fillings, and pacemakers in front of a crucifix at the local church. While the other scientists believe it is some sort of tribute, Flyte realizes that it is, in fact, the things that whatever is killing and eating people cannot digest. It's monster poop! They get attacked by a dog then, and the whole "monster poop" argument is moot, because they're all dead, except for Flyte, who is forced to hide with Sheriff Affleck and the others.

Monster poop!

Inside the mobile lab, they make a sort of plan that involves a product that is used to dissolve oil spills, based on the idea that whatever the monster is, it is some sort of oil or weird-ass fluid in its rawest form. Vials of the product are shared around, and it comes time for one of them to taunt the monster out of hiding so they can attack it. Flyte--the only one who isn't armed with a gun of some kind--gets the short straw and is shoved outside to see whether the monster is willing to come out and play.

SPOILER: Yes. Sort of.
The group splits up, each dealing with their own problems, to try and take down the monster. Will it work? Will Deputy Rapeface return to be even creepier? Will Dr. Flyte survive? Will they ever be able to frame Affleck's entire forehead into one shot? You'll have to listen to find out!

Jake picked this one. Perhaps in retaliation for last week's movie. That's fine. He digs the practical effects, but despises the shitty "human-nado" at the end. He is right to do so.

Larry has issues with this film. He thinks it is obviously not the best work of anyone involved. He would be correct in his assumption. But is it the actors'or the movie's fault?

Derek feels like there were so many chances for there to be a good movie in this, and none of those chances were taken. He also questions Dr. Jennifer's method of virus treatment.

So put on your hazmat suit, hold your nose, and listen to this week's episode!

February 13, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, everybody! It's been another busy week. So let's get to it, shall we?

First off, Angry Orange continues to not make friends with anybody. From his asinine Executive Orders, to his ridiculous nominees for cabinet positions, to his tweets, he just can't seem to get anybody to like him.

Maybe he should, I dunno, just maybe not talk anymore or anything ever again. That'd be fine.

I have no caption for this. It's just awesome.
Angry Orange's people, it turns out, aren't doing much better. His spokesogre, Kellyanne Conway, sort of obliterated ethics rules when, after Nordstrom's announced they would no longer carry Ivanka Trump's merchandise (not the first or last to say they will drop the line), she suggested on television that everyone should buy Ivanka's stuff. Twitter went right after her.

So there's that. Unfortunately, all of the hostility Angry Orange and the Crypt Keeper have directed at Nordstrom's is misdirected, as the retailer claims it's just because there has been a steady decline in sales of Ivanka's stuff.

See previous caption.
And while huge (or YUGE) protests against Angry Orange and his gang of idiots continue almost daily, his supporters try and try, but ultimately fail.

Those guys really need a hug.

No prepared caption here, either, but a Happy 40th Anniversary to
the greatest sports movie ever: Slap Shot.
In my little part of the world, I discovered a dark, but helpful hack that's just a little bit too late because I'm no longer at Verizon.

Along with this revelation, I saw the greatest thing I have ever seen, and you missed it.

And, of course, there were tweets. A bunch of them, and some weren't even about politics! Shocking, right? So let's have a look at some, won't we? In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week.To help it along, here's a pointless song from the 80s that still makes me smile at its ridiculousness.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

February 8, 2017

The Horrors of Spider Island

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What happens when a group of dancers and their beefy employer end up on a deserted island that may or may not contain giant radioactive spiders?

No, it's not the latest Spider-man reboot. It's the 1962 film The Horrors of Spider Island!

Derek picked this week's movie, and it is a doozy; a big dumb guy, his much smarter assistant, several leggy dancers, a giant spider, some dancing, and a lot of women wrestling around in their underpants. Alexander D'Arcy is Gary, a promoter of some kind who is looking to hire some lady dancers for a show in Singapore. To that end, he and his assistant, Georgia (Helga Franck), go see talent agent Mike (Walter Faber, who looks like a young Roy Orbison), who has lined up a number of women to audition for them.

What follows is an excessively long scene where woman after woman is brought in to be displayed (and occasionally made to dance) for Gary, who has a complicated and stupid method of letting Georgia know which girls he wants without having to use any inconvenient words.

Babs and Mike: Theirs was a forbidden love.
Once the troupe is chosen (including Helga Neuner as Ann, Dorothee Parker as Gladys, Eva Schauland as Nelly, Barbara Valentine as Babs, and...actually, you know what? It doesn't matter; they're all pretty interchangeable, with the exception of Babs, who kind of stands out in a crowd), they head out to what they think is going to be a nice, long working vacation. What actually happens, though, is a laughably ridiculous plane crash that lands them on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. Adrift for at least one day, the women bicker about water rations, while Gary spouts pointless gibberish to make himself appear smarter than he actually is.

When one of the girls spots land, they paddle their way to what appears to be a deserted island. When they arrive, they all pile out of the boat and languish on the beach while Gary takes a look around. Somehow, the big lunkhead stumbles (literally) across a freshwater spring, and he calls to the girls, who come rushing over to get all wet and make murmuring noises while Gary slurps the water noisily.

A further search inland reveals a cabin, and upon investigation, they find a dead man hanging in a giant spiderweb. The women, because this is 1962, are frightened and run away, except for Georgia. She and Gary bury the old man and set up a place for all of them to sleep. The women come around after that so the can rummage through the old guy's clothes and other personal belongings, picking out things with which to make new skimpy outfits.

He died how he lived--DANCING!
When the night falls, one of the girls--let's call her May(?)--tries to play some tonsil hockey with Gary, who doesn't appear too upset about it until Georgia catches him in the act. All of a sudden, he's overcome by the heat on the island and claims to not know what he is doing. (Yeah, we've all tried that one. It doesn't work.) Gary lumbers off into the night to frighten small animals, while Georgia stays behind and roughs up May(?).

While lurching aimlessly through the forest, Gary is, in fact, bitten by a spider, shoots it, and immediately transforms into what looks like a homemade werewolf mask made from household items by someone who has only ever had a werewolf described to them. We think he was supposed to be some kind of spider-mutant.

The women search for Gary, with the exception of May(?), whom Georgia tells to stay at the cabin in case Gary comes back, and to put things in order. Gary does come back, but it's not the cheerful hugfest you might expect. Instead, he strangles May (?) and drops her lifeless body into what appears to be the outhouse runoff stream. When the women come back, they find her body and bury her.

Things settle down for a while, and the women do what every single man out there assumes women do when the men aren't around: skinny-dipping, making clothes, doing dishes, cleaning. When one of the women (let's say...Linda) is taken from the pond where they were swimming, the others find her gettin' busy in the long grass with Bobby, one of the people who worked with the old guy that was found dead in the cabin. Bobby's partner, Joe (Temple Foster), is also rambling around, and he arrives just in time to help the women throw a sexy dance party because these bozos found them and are willing to give them a lift back to civilization.

But  we don't have to, like, pretend we know you,do we?
Much dancing, drinking, and debauchery ensues, and Linda(?) announces that she wants to marry Bobby when they get home. Naturally, this is a show of weakness to the other women, who immediately try to bag Bobby before he gets too into the idea of monogamy. The only one to come close is Babs, who could probably squeeze the life out of Bobby with one gigantic hand, but she decides against it when Gary comes back and tries to murder more of them.

Will Bobby and Joe save the "helpless" women (who have now been on the island a month with a murderous monster stalking them, yet have only lost one up to that point)? Or will Babs punch Gary to death because he committed a party foul by knocking over her brewski? Will they get off the island to resume their more normal and less spidery lives? What happened to Joe the agent? Tune in to find out! (Except that last one. Joe only turns up in one more scene and then disappears for the rest of the movie.)

Will Gary get the dental work he is sorely in need of?
Derek picked this one, and he does not regret it one little bit. He also has a weird obsession with Babs that the others find somewhat unnerving. He doesn't care. He also wishes Joe was in the movie more.

Larry likens this movie to a school bus accident; it's horrible, but impossible not to look at. He finds Babs interesting, but not nearly on the level that Derek does. What's with that guy?

Jake is the only one who found anything approaching actual "art" in this movie, although it is relatively easy to miss. He also lays down groud rules for a drinking game based on the movie. It sounds really dangerous.

So put on your best stockings and garters, wrestle in your underwear, and listen to this week's episode!

February 6, 2017

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Oh, kids...What a week! So much insanity and stupidity, I don't even know where to start.

Let's start with the cool part first, shall we?

There was a Women's March held in Washington, D.C. (and all around the world--literally millions of marchers), to protest Angry Orange's (and his compatriots'--or comrades', if you prefer) threats to defund Planned Parenthood, women's inequality, and a lot of other stuff that really shouldn't even be an issue in these supposedly enlightened times.

This photo is worth the click to read all the signs that I fixed for them.

Of course, there were still a few good laughs to be had from the creative and hilarious marchers' signs.

Naturally, Angry Orange only had one takeaway from the whole thing: Denial. "There were more people at my inauguration! People love me!" he insisted. And, aside from that being complete bullshit, that was all he really had to say about it, largely because they were busy prepping executive orders to screw over everybody who wasn't rich, white, male, and them. And then they started firing them off...

And everyone's reaction was pretty much the same.
He announced a travel ban for seven countries in the Middle East, revoking visas and green cards from people immediately, even if they had already undergone the vetting process of becoming an American citizen. A lot of people pointed out two things about this ban: First, the ban does not cover any of the countries from which actual terrorists who have done evil things against the U.S. And second, there were at least three other countries in the same area from with actual terrorists came from, including the 9/11 guys, that Angry Orange did not ban. And it just so happens that those three-ish countries also happen to be places where he has business interests.

And the hits just keep on comin'!
Angry Orange also announced his nomination for the Supreme Court seat that should have been filled by President Obama, but was held up because Obama had the nerve to go around being Black while President. Before the announcement of the actual nominee, Angry Orange tried to make it like his asinine television show and tease it out on Twitter, where he was quickly torn to shreds.

When he finally did announce his pick, nobody cared and so he went on Twitter again, but this time it was to tell everyone how much better his version of The Apprentice was than Ah-nuld's version. Schwarzenegger responded by offering to switch places with him, and them trolled him by posting a news article headlined "Arnold Releases His Taxes".

Eet's naht a tooomah!
One of Angry Orange's talking monkeys, Kellyanne Conway, went on MSNBC to whine that nobody covered the Bowling Green Massacre, an event that never happened. This was her justification for the Muslin travel ban that they insisted was not a ban on Muslims.

(To be fair, there were two Iraqi men arrested in Bowling Green in 2011, for trying to send money and weapons back to al-Qaeda in Iraq. However, there was no "massacre".)

This, as well as Conway's insistence on spouting straight-up garbage lies on the networks, has led CNN to consider never having her on again, because she is a waste of space. If only the other networks would take that into consideration...

Angry Orange's top advisors, Reince Priebus and Steve Bannon.
All of this has led to Angry Orange's approval rating sinking to a record low in just a meager eight days.

Should be interesting to see if we survive to next week so we can see if he beat it.

I got nothing. Think up your own funny political quote here.
And then...there were tweets. So many tweets. Lots and lots of tweets. And I had to go through all of them to pick out ten of them that you might think are funny. And now, I'm gonna throw 'em at your eyeballs. If you dig 'em, come on over to Twitter and join in the fun!

In no particular order...

And there you have it! Not too shabby! Now get out there and have an awesome week. And to help it along, here's an oldie but a goodie from Bad Lip Reading.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

February 1, 2017


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Bowling! Sure, who doesn't! And this week, the guys, having the true athletic forms of professional bowlers almost half their weight, sat down to watch the Farrelly brothers' 1997 classic, Kingpin!

Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson) was a bowler with talent, skill, and his whole two-handed life ahead of him. He was the Iowa State Champion in 1979. Yeah, life was pretty sweet. Until he joined the professional bowling circuit and met Ernie "Big Ern" McCracken (Bill Murray).

McCracken convinces Roy to help him scam some amateur bowlers in order to make some extra cash while out working the pro circuit. Unfortunately, when they are found out, things do not go well for Roy.

That's right...He wears shirts like that.
Seventeen years later, a down-on-his-luck Munson is reduced to selling bowling alley supplies, trying to avoid his landlord (Lin Shaye), and, when all else fails, doing the unspeakable in order to avoid getting booted from his apartment.

We really hope you didn't just eat while looking at this.
While out on a sales call, Roy hears a sound he hasn't heard since he had both hands: the sound of a well-thrown strike. When he investigates the source, he discovers Ishmael (pre-batshit insane Randy Quaid), who has snuck away from the family farm to bowl a little like his grandfather taught him to.

Roy tries to convince Ishmael that he needs a manager to help him go pro, but Ishmael wants no part of it, largely because he is worried he will be discovered by his father, who would not be happy about Ishmael taking part in something the "English" are so fond of.

When Roy returns home, he gets involved in a terrible experience that begins with him throwing coffee in a fake robbers face, and ends with him barfing while his landlord (see photo above) smokes and talks about the need to "take a crap after sex." We will not go into detail about that. Just...just no.

After seeing an advertisement for a $1 million bowling tournament in Reno, Nevada, Roy goes to Ishmael's farm dressed as an Amish, and tries to convince him to get into the tournament. Wackiness, hilarity, and animal abuse ensue. There's also bull semen, so you've got that to look forward to.

Ishmael finally agrees after finding out that the bank is going to take away his peoples' land if they don't come up with a $500,000 payment. He convinces his father that he had a vision and needs to go on a mission with Roy, promising he will find that money, one way or the other.

And that's when it starts getting really weird.
On their way to Reno, Roy explains to Ishmael that they need to earn some money by hustling amateur bowlers, much like Ernie convinced Roy seventeen years earlier. Whent hey try the same "dictionary salesmen" bit that seemed to work so well back then, it fails, but a bartender sets them up with a guy named Stanley (Rob Moran), who has a two-lane alley in his house. He also has a stunningly hot girlfriend named Claudia (Vanessa Angel), who just can't keep her snarky comments to herself. When Stanley loses to Ishmael, Claudia gets into an argument with him and runs off on him. Meanwhile, Stanley notices that Roy's bankroll is nothing but Monopoly money, and a fight breaks out.

Fortunately for Roy and Ishmael, Claudia shuts off the lights, and they are all able to escape relatively unschathed. Claudia insists that she needs to be a part of their team,explaining that she has something to offer that they need, although Roy is not really sure what it is that she has.

Oh, right...Those.
They become uneasy partners, and begin scamming their way across the country, taking money from anybody who is willing to challenge them, and working their way toward Reno.

A few bumps in the road occur, including Ishmael running off because of Claudia and Roy's constant arguing, and him trying to find work. (He eventually does, but we don't want to spoil the surprise.) Claudia and Roy spend a good chunk of time trying to find him so they can apologize, and they become closer and less hostile toward each other along the way.

After a brief stop in Roy's old hometown, the two of them find Ishmael and make their way to Reno, where they are confronted by an older, but still obnoxious Ernie, who reveals that he and Claudia have a past, which upsets Roy and Ishmael, who takes a swing at Ernie but misses, breaking his hand.

The picture of professionalism in sports.
Ishmael tells Roy that the only way they can compete now is if Roy bowls instead of him. After much arguing, Roy agrees.

Claudia, meanwhile, runs into Stanley, who tracked her to Reno and wants to take her back home. She suggests that she was planning on returning anyway, because Roy and Ishmael were only good for the money they won, which she gives to Stanley.

When the tournament begins, Roy is not dealing with it very well, but he keeps going and makes it to the final round, where he faces off, once again, against McCracken...

Who will win? Will Claudia return? Will Ishmael go home a winner or a loser? Will Roy have to give his landlord what she wanted again?

In case you didn't want to scroll all the way up there again...
You'll have to tune in to find out!

Larry is sick. He sounds like Batman. It's actually pretty awesome. Oh, and he digs this movie a lot. So much so that he quotes a lot of lines from it. But let's face it; this is a ridiculously quotable movie!

Derek also enjoys this movie, and he is shocked to discover that it actually lost money in its theatrical release. He's also angry the Farrelly brothers go around making funny movies and looking like they do. Bastards.

Jake is also a big fan of this flick, and he is ready with some interesting tidbits about Chris Elliot's part in the movie, as well as one of Derek's favorite comments ever: "ZIPPERS ARE THE DEVIL!"

So grab your balls, wax up the lanes, and listen to this week's episode!