Once again, it's time for me to share some of the hilarious posts on Twitter from some of the weirdest folks out there. (This is a compliment. Seriously.) As always, if you find them amusing, by all means, go follow them. And if you aren't on Twitter, GO JOIN! You will laugh until your ass falls off. That may sound inconvenient, but it's totally worth it.
At any rate, here we go. In no particular order...
Years ago I tried on my sister's bra, couldn't undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I'm still wearing it. I live in shame.
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) April 21, 2014
Shot a furry #terrorist in my backyard yesterday, trying to make my kids fat and liberal with bright colored chocolate eggs. #Merica #NRA4VR
— JD McIntyre (@JDMcIntyre) April 21, 2014
Ya, I know a boner at the dinner table is awkward but did you see the way your aunt Sally sucked the meat off that turkey leg?
— Dr. Hooey Spitooey (@BigBagOfScum) April 3, 2014
[picks up hitchhiker] "Where we headed?" "Our demise [puts on Coldplay CD & opens egg salad] our slow, agonising demise. Mind if I smoke?"
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) April 22, 2014
Dad's Special Rum Cake Recipe: 1: No cake 2: Substitute vodka for rum 3: LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) April 22, 2014
The 70s were a v bad time to get superpowers. The main superpowers you would get in the 70s were "trouble hair" and "van".
— Dodgeball Boyfriend (@dvoted_hubsand) April 24, 2014
My google image search history now includes "People's kneecaps that look like baby faces" so I've got that going for me
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) April 24, 2014
A Bald Eagle is just like a regular eagle, except IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS WHY I BOUGHT A CORVETTE, CAROL.
— It's Stephanie (@Snarfernini) April 22, 2014
*walks in pet shop* one mermaid please. ummmm we don't have any- DONT SAY U ONLY HAVE MERMEN. we only have- FORGET IT. ILL BUY A UNICORN.
— timmy pumpkin (@TimmyPumpkin) April 22, 2014
Just so you know God and your dead grandparents can see you masturbating so make sure you put on a good show for them.And, as an added bonus, here's an educational tweet. You know...to pretend you learned something...
— Chris Young (@CYComedy) April 23, 2014
WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF ~ SIR E DOES A SCIENCE~ *pokes Jello* THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF ~ SIR E DOES A SCIENCE~And there you have it! Hope you have a great week!
— Ray (Sir E) (@SirEvisiae) April 24, 2014
All the best,
Derek and Bosco