All the guys are back this week, so it's time for a movie review...of the Ollllllllld West!
This week, the guys sat down to watch the Sam Raimi-directed Western classic, The Quick and the Dead, starring Gene Hackman, Sharon Stone, Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lance Henriksen, Keith David, Gary Sinise, and about a billion other great actors.
|But this...THIS is the money crowd.|
That said, the people of Redemption just want to live their lives, have families, and maybe die at the ripe old age of 36. (It is the Old West, after all.) And things get a little less comfortable when the town holds its annual gunfighting contest, which brings in all manner of unpleasant folks, including a self-proclaimed shooting superstar and mullet enthusiast named Ace Hanlon (Henriksen), a hired gun named Sgt. Cantrell (David), an escaped convict named Scars (Mark Boone Junior), a seemingly unkillable Native American named Spotted Horse (Jonothon Gills), a general criminal type named Dog (Tobin Bell), and a super-rapey pedophile named Dred (Kevin Conway), who has his eye on the young daughter of the town's bartender (Pat Hingle).
Another out-of-towner (Stone as Ellen, the Lady) arrives just in time for the contest, but she has a purpose other than winning the money; The Lady wants to kill Harod because he was responsible for the death of her father (Sinise) when she was a child.
|She should be safe as long as no one|
gives him his throwin' phone!
One final contestant is brought in, although he seems somewhat unwilling to participate. Harod's men had to go all the way to Mexico to hunt down and bring back Cort, the Preacher (Crowe), because Harod has some rage wood of his own. It seems he and Preacher used to ride together back in the day, and Harod feels that Preacher left him in a bit of a lurch. He forces Preacher into the contest, but tells him that he will only get one bullet per gunfight, so he won't be inclined to shoot his way out of town. Preacher insists that he isn't going to fight, but still goes gun shopping with Harod. Kind of a weird relationship there. The rest of his time is spent chained to the fountain in the center of town, and arguing with The Lady. The sexual tension between the two of them is just...just...just almost there.
|No, not them...you weirdo.|
When it's time for Preacher to face his first opponent, he says he won't fight. However, when his opponent draws, he quickly changes his stance and takes the man down, but only wounding him. The Lady's first fight goes the same way, except for the not-wanting-to-shoot-anybody part, and she dispatches Dog pretty quickly.
|Ace Hanlon: The Home of Mullety Goodness!|
|Kills him thoroughly, yet in a photogenic way.|
Preacher has to face Spotted Horse in his next fight and, just like he insisted, Spotted Horse turns out to be incredibly difficult to kill. So much so that, after Preacher uses his one and only bullet to shoot the big man directly in the chest, he finds himself in a predicament when Spotted Horse gets back up and starts shooting at him. He starts begging for another bullet, and the only person who can help him is a blind boy (Jerry Swindall), who finds the right kind in his box of random bullets that he keeps around (doesn't everybody?), and, at the last possible second, Preacher shoots Spotted Horse in the head, taking him down for good. Harod, now happy that he has caused Preacher to condemn his own soul, welcomes him back.
The contest comes down to the Final Four: The Lady versus Preacher, and The Kid versus Harod. The Lady and Preacher argue about which of them will shoot the other. Neither wants to do it, but when The Lady tells him she won't shoot him, Preacher points out that, while he doesn't want to, he will definitely shoot her.
|But she was totally down for |
shooting Rapey McRapeface here.
Will Preacher actually shoot The Lady? Will The Kid beat Harod? Will there be a climactic series of explosions that pretty much invalidate the results of the contest up to this point? You'll have to listen to find out!
Larry, still smarting from viewing MANOS: The Hands of Fate a few episodes back, chose this one to remember what an actual good movie was like. He was pretty pleased with his choice, and even managed to share some interesting information, despite a really bad toothache. That's dedication! He was also glad to be doing the cast and box office stuff again. The others were glad for it, too.
Derek was sick, but that didn't stop him from being fascinated by the way Sam Raimi used his signature unusual shooting style to great effect. He also thought Sharon Stone looked like a badass...but, you know, a hot badass. He, like the others, was also mesmerized by Ace Hanlon's astounding mullet. It really is majestic in its mullety-ness. He also thinks that all of this shooting and stuff could have been avoided if some had just killed Harod early in the film.
Jake was healthy and not in any sort of pain at all. In fact, he was even on vacation, but the guys only held it against him a little bit. He feelt that the people of Redemption really didn't ask for all this horse shit. They just wanted to do their thing and live their lives. Unfortunately, that was not going to make for a very interesting movie, so it had to happen this way. He is also amazed by Raimi's shooting style and how well it adapts to various genres.
So shine up your spurs, put on your gunbelt, and listen to this week's episode!