July 27, 2016

The Warriors

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1979...A dark time for New York City.

And the setting for this week's movie, the director's cut of The Warriors, starring a guy who also starred in Xanadu with Gene Kelly and Olivia Newton-John, a homophobic guy who wears way too much eyeliner to be that judgemental, and a few other people whose names we also can't be bothered to remember.

There's that one guy...Oh, and that other guy...
When the leader of the Riffs, Cyrus (Roger Hill), calls together all the major gangs in New York City--including the Warriors--in an effort to convince them that, if they all work together, they could take over the city.

Unfortunately, not everybody is willing to share, and one of those people, a wormy little turd basket named Luther (David Patrick Kelly) from one of the Warriors' rival gangs, shoots and kills Cyrus, and then claims it was the Warriors who were responsible. And, before the Warriors can deny it, the police show up and everyone scatters, thus beginning the Lord of the Rings-style trek across New York City as the Warriors, led by Andy Gibb simulacrum Swan (Michael Beck) and a super rapey Ajax (James Remar), try to make it back to their home turf of Coney Island.

A star-filled night of questionable hair choices!
At first, things seem to be going okay. Oh sure, there's a run-in with a gang called the Baseball Furies, a terrifying gang that dresses in old timey baseball uniforms and carries baseball bats, but who are surprisingly easy for the Warriors to beat. And then there's the Orphans, led by a guy (Paul Greco) who takes personal offense at his gang not being invited to the big meeting in the park, as well as the way the gang's sex toy (Deborah Van Valkenburgh as Mercy) is eye-humping Swan. When the Warriors walk briskly away from those guys, Swan brings Mercy along, alternating between returning the eye-humping and threatening to "run a train" on her. This is not a healthy relationship.

After the subway train they are on has to stop because of a fire on the tracks, the Warriors are back on their feet, and during a fight with another gang, the Punks--a bunch of dudes on rollerskates (because the 70s!) dressed like My Buddy dolls--the Warriors are split into two groups, and then people start disappearing or getting killed.

Guys...I can't get these off...HELP MEEEE...
Although it's probably not the way Cyrus envisioned it (specifically, the part about him being all dead and stuff), the gangs do start working together so they can hunt down the Warriors. In particular, the Riffs and their new leader, Cleon (Dorsey Wright), are putting in a lot of effort, and it begins to pay off when some of the information they gather tells them that maybe the Warriors aren't the ones who killed Cyrus after all.

Will the Warriors make it back to Coney Island before they are killed by Luther or someone less irritating? Will Axaj learn that being excessively forward with women is not really the way to a solid relationship? Will Luther find a way to be even more annoying by the end of the film than he was at the beginning? Will Mercy ever gain some self-worth and age well after this movie?

No, she will not. This is her at her best.
Derek is very upset by the clothing and hair--especially Snow's (Brian Tyler) hair and Cochise's (David Harris) "warerobe" choices. (That's not a typo...that's how it's listed in the credits.) He also despises Luther, and marvels at his terrible shooting skills.

Jake was disappointed that this was the director's cut because there was a comic book motif added that interrupts the flow of the film. He calls Mercy "pepperoni nipples", and he worries that nobody cares about or even mentions the fact that Fox (Thomas G. Waites) is missing after a police officer throws him under a subway train.

Larry is bothered by the lack of...well, pretty much any action, other than the two fights. The rest of it is basically just walking around. It's a nighttime tour of the less touristy parts of New York, and not much else. He also takes issue with the Warriors' "grafitti artist", Rembrandt (Marcelino Sanchez), whose only skill appears to be spray painting a large "W" on things.

So get your vest with the big back patch, put on your walking shoes, and "come out and plaaaaaaayyyyyyaaaaayyyyyy" this week's episode!

July 25, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week (RNC Edition!)

Okay, guys, here's the deal:

I planned on posting my usual ten tweets this week. In fact, I still have the list of them that I pulled. But then, when I was going through all of the re-tweets on my page, I noticed quite a few that were directly related to the Republican National Convention (aka Fear-A-Palooza featuring an angry carrot), and realized I had a ton of those, too.

So, it seemed like a reasonable idea to post a bunch of those. However, I didn't want to just throw out the other ones. That's why I've decided to make this a two-part list. First, I will put up the regular tweets, because I figured that anyone who would be offended by the potentially mean things said about the RNC would still want to see the other stuff. Then I'll put the RNC-specific list.

However, since you all should know by now where I stand concerning Trump, I don't imagine any of you will be surprised that I'll be using a number of images related to his disturbing interest in his daughter when I talk about other stuff beforehand.

Yeah, he totally wants to bang her...If he hasn't already.
First off, I want to talk about Ghostbusters. Specifically, I want to talk about one of its cast, Leslie Jones. A certain festering dickbag writer for Breitbart, whose name I will not give here because he doesn't deserve any more publicity, decided that he wanted to sic his "fans" on her, sending her racial slurs and insults, until she quit Twitter.

Seriously? How fucking sad does your life have to be that the only joy you get in life is to make someone guilty of nothing more than being a funny and talented comedienne quit social media, where she enjoyed stating in contact with her fans?

The upside of this story is, the Breitbart writer has been banned for life from Twitter. (And good riddance.) Also, Leslie Jones is back on! Follow her (@Lesdoggg) and show her some support!

By dating, he means "having sex with"...
Among other political stuff, there was a little announcement concerning Hillary Clinton's choice for her running mate, Virginia senator Tim Kaine. Aside from the fact that he doesn't seem particularly exciting to me, the announcement was met with mild, if somewhat indifferent, approval from most sources. There were, as there always will be for this sort of thing, complainers, but what're ya gonna do? You can't please everybody.

One other thing about la familia de Drumpf (aside from his overwhelming need to let the world know that he would totally bang his daughter, if only she wasn't his, you know, daughter) at the convention: Melania, Trump's wife, who gave an impassioned speech about what she feels America needs, er, appears to have plagiarized a good portion of it from a speech that Michelle Obama gave at the 2008 Democratic Convention. Whoops.

Several stories were put forward, from "she did not steal the speech and wrote it herself" to "someone on her speech writing team put those bits from Michelle Obama's speech because Melania admires her." (Notice the vast difference just between those two comments.) There was also a member of Trump's organization--not his campaign--who came forward and claimed (on Trump Company letterhead) to have been the one who wrote the speech. The bottom line is, whomever is responsible for the passages that were obviously lifted from the first lady's speech, nobody will ever find out for sure.

...Because then everyone will know I want to bang her.
Aaaaanyway, let's look at the first list of tweets from the Twitter place that the kids seem to be talking about so much these days. In no particular order...

Excellent work, everyone.

That's a bad touch, Donald.
Now, there's one other little difference in the RNC-specific list; I didn't put a limit on the number of re-tweets a post got. (As you may have noticed, I usually try to keep it to ones with fewer than 1000 because those ones have already had a bunch of attention.) So...let's get this dog-and-pony show underway! In exactly the order they were posted (just to maintain a timeline of the whole shitshow)...

And there you have it! Pretty groovy, no? Now, having been fully sated by a plethora of tweets, why not get out there and have a super-awesome week, will ya? And rest assured, there will be a DNC list next week, because judging from just what I've seen so far today, there's going to be a lot to choose from.

Nothing more to add, really.
Now get outta here, you knuckleheads. But before you do, check out Jon Stewart taking over the desk briefly from Stephen Colbert this last week...

Welcome back, Jon!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

July 20, 2016

Death Race 2000

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Once in a lifetime, a movie comes along that predicts the future so accurately, it is both frightening and astounding.

This week's movie, Death Race 2000, is not one of those movies.

What it is, though, is a delightfully kooky romp across the country seen through the rheumy eye of Roger Comrna, as several professional racers with weird costumes and funny-looking cars race to get from New York to Los Angeles while murdering as many civilians as possible with their cars.

Like Cannonball Run, but more murdery.
David Carradine is Frankenstein, the current champion of the Death Race, a government-approved method of population control. His main challenger is Machine Gun Joe Viterbo (a pre-Rocky Sylvester Stallone), a guy from Chicago who hates everyone, eats with his hands, and beats his female navigator, Myra (Louisa Moritz).

Frankenstein has himself a new navigator for this year's race, a half-human/half-owl named Annie (Simone Griffeth) who, along with acting as navigator, nurse, cook, and sex toy, also happens to be the great granddaughter of Thomasina Paine (Harriet Medin), a woman who leads a rebel faction against the government in an attempt to put an end to the Death Race.

I wasn't joking about the "half-owl" thing. Look at her legs.
The rebels get down to the business of killing off the other racers -- Calamity Jane (Mary Woronov), Matilda the Hun (Roberta Collins), and Nero the Hero (Martin Kove) -- but are unable to take out Machine Gun Joe and Frankenstein, despite having somebody working on the inside. (And having her insides worked by Frankenstein.)

It must be his captivating smile.
As the rebels work their way through the racers, the people who run the race try to keep the population ignorant of the things that are happening. And one of those things that are happening is that Frankenstein himself is trying to win the race because he wants to kill the president and end the Death Race himself...with a hand grenade. No, really. An actual hand grenade.

See? We are not screwing around here.
Will he make it to Los Angeles to kill the president in order to stop...all...the...violence...? Will Machine Gun Joe stop being a disgusting mess long enough to call Myra a baked potato?

And what's the deal with this guy?

Jake had to leave early because of something gross at work. We don't want to go into it. Just take our word for it.

Larry loved this movie. That's it, really. He really, really loved it.

Derek picked the movie, so it's pretty clear that he's a fan. He believes this movie is a gateway movie to many worse ones.

So fire up the engine, pull on your latex body suit, and tune in to this week's episode!

July 18, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, everybody!

Look, I know there's far more pressing and important stuff to talk about than the things I'm going to talk about here, but I have to be honest; I just can't talk about that stuff anymore. I can't.

So, I'm going to talk about the other dumbass, but less fatal (for the most part) stuff that's currently happening. And, because I'm trying to keep things light, I'm going to include these animations of a confused John Travolta:

No, like...what's in your wallet?
Although I am loathe to mention it, I feel I must because Here Be Spoilers pal and sometimes participant Troy Parker plays it: Pokemon GO is a thing that exists.

That statement covers everything I know, or even care to know, about Pokemon GO. In fact, it's more than I want to know about it, but being at the forefront of pop culture isn't all rainbows and unicorn farts. It has its dark side, too.

Apparently, people have to actually get up and move around to play this game, which is a good thing for parents, kids, and adults who maybe spend a little too much time awash in the glow of their computer screens and Cheeto dust. The parents are glad the kids are getting out of the house, the kids are getting exercise, and the adults who play are finding out what air that isn't contaminated by the stench of stale Mountain Dew Code Red smells like.

If you are playing, please know two things: 1. There are thousands of others out there playing it, too. Maybe look up from your phone occasionally to make sure you're not about to run into each other; and 2. You will never battle me or have me join your team because I have as much interest in playing Pokemon GO as a concussed kitten has in quantum physics.

Or as much interest as Black Widow has in Vincent Vega.
Also, Donald Trump picked his running mate this past week, much to the chagrin of most Republicans, including a solid half of the RNC, at least. Citizens of Indiana, where Governor Mike Pence hails from, is giddy with excitement over the prospect of getting rid of a terrible governor.

Trump, who insists that Pence was his first choice, spent a good chunk of Friday evening trying to get out of choosing Pence until he finally gave in because he realized that, terrible though Mike Pence is, he's a Boy Scout compared to Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich.

Unfortunately for both Christie and Gingrich, the word about Pence had already got out before Trump had called the two of them to let them know he was placing them on waivers. Whoops!

Still more realistic than Trumps chances.
Speaking of poor life choices, the Republican National Convention is going on this week, and it started out with Stephen Colbert crashing the party, where, as security arrived to remove him from the stage, he said, "I know, I don't belong here. Neither does Trump."

In the run up to preparing for this week, the RNC found themselves short on cash for this shit show, so they took their presumptive candidate's example of borrowing money and asked somebody to lend them $6 million to cover expenses.

And then a huge list of speakers was assembled...and as the names leaked out, more and more of those people released statements along the lines of "Wait, what? Oh, I am not going there..." Therefore, this convention's big celebrity catch is Chachi! (Whatsamatta? Was Screech still in jail?)

The rest of the list is equally impressive, including no less than six members of Trump's family. Nobody is surprised at all.

Confused? Maybe. But not surprised.
And finally, the new Paul Feig-directed, all-female Ghostbusters hit the screens this past weekend, and by all accounts, it has completely failed to destroy everyone's childhood memories, despite predictions by thousands of misogynist dickbags in the months leading up to it.

And, as I write this, it sits at 73% on RottenTomatoes.com. Go figure.

I got nothin' for this. Make up your own caption.
And then there were tweets. Not just any tweets, mind you...These are goddamn funny ones! And now I'm gonna throw them all up in your grill! And, if you like what you read, why not come on over to the Twitter machine and join us?

And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome week, will ya? And try not to be a dick. Why, you ask? Well, because of this...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

July 13, 2016

Adventures In Babysitting

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Once again, the guys dove deep into the 80s in search of a movie that, while being timeless, still managed to convey the feel of the times.

And that movie is Adventures In Babysitting, starring Elisabeth Shue as Chris, a cute-as-a-button 17-year-old who loves her boyfriend, Mike (Bradley Whitford). When Mike cancels their big date because his sister is sick, Chris is left with few options...She can either hang around with her terminally depressed friend Brenda (Penelope Ann Miller), or she can take a babysitting job watching Brad (Keith Coogan), a 14-year-old who is madly in love with her, and his sister Sara (Maia Brewton), a 9-year old who is obsessed with Marvel Comics' Thor.

My god! Not the guy from Revenge of the Nerds!
Trying to avoid both problems, she tries to push the job off on Brenda, but to no avail, and is left with no other choice but to go handle things herself. Once she gets everybody squared away and the kids' parents out of the house, Chris gets a call from Brenda, who has run away from home and found herself stranded at the bus station in downtown Chicago, and begs Chris to come and rescue her.

After a little protesting (one has to wonder whether Chris even likes Brenda, possibly only wanting to keep her around to make sure that there is always someone less nerdy around), Chris agrees to get her out of there, and the kids attempt to blackmail her into taking them along for the ride. As they are leaving, Brad's incredibly pervy friend Daryl (Anthony Rapp, looking like a lost Weasley brother--Shemp Weasley, perhaps) also manages to get swept into the adventure. (You know...the one that's in babysitting...)

Like most tow truck drivers, he wants to wear your skin
Thus begins a series of increasingy unlikely events, including meeting a tow truck driver (John Ford Noonan) with a hook hand and a cheating wife, the world's friendliest car thief (Calvin Levels), the only African-American in the Mafia (Don Canada), a guy named Dawson (Vincent Philip D'Onofrio) who may or may not be Thor, Albert King (yes, that Albert King), and a frat dude (George Newborn) who may be the true love Chris was lip-synching about at the beginning of the movie.

Meanwhile, Brenda is on her own little adventure at the bus station, where she encounters a creepy guy with a gun, a lady who steals her glasses, an old guy she evicts from the phone booth he's living in, a rat that she thinks is a kitten, a hot dog vendor who won't accept checks, and any number of weirdos that make up the fabric of what was 1980s Chicago. (And probably still do.)

So many homeless wieners around...
Will Chris and the kids get to Brenda before she is forced to sell her body on the street for bus fare? (Mind you, this is teenage, clumsy Penelope Ann Miller; not the smokin' hot Penelope Ann Miller we know and touch ourselves to today.) Will they make it home before Brad and Sara's parents do? Will anyone see to it that Daryl gets some sort of therapy for his sex addiction? You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake is concerned for Sara, who displays a number of traits that make him wonder whether she might be some sort of sociopath, or possibly just straight-up psychotic. He also wonders what happened with Vincent D'Onofrio between this movie and Full Metal Jacket.

Larry loves this movie, and cheerfully revels in the goofiness of it all. He also loves the soundtrack, as do the others, and waxes enthusiastic about "The Babysitter Blues", which Chris, Brad, Sara, and Dary perform with Albert King at a blues bar, because "nobody gets outta here without singin' the blues."

This next one is called "The Really Super White Kid Blues"...

Derek also enjoyed the movie. And while he shares Larry's excitement of the soundtrack, although he cannot agree less about "The Babysitter Blues". It's...kinda cheesy. He and the others marvel over the fact that now, about 30 years later, Elisabeth Shue is still as cute as she was back then. Maybe there's some sort of "Picture of Dorian Gray" thing going on somewhere or something. Or possibly voodoo.

So tie down the kids, stretch out on the couch, and download this week's episode!

July 11, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Seriously, you guys?

Look, I'm going to be honest here; I almost didn't post a list this week because it's hard to try and focus on funny stuff when people are dropping left and right. First, there was Alton Sterling, an African-American, who was shot by police while he was being held down. Why? Because he was selling CDs from the trunk of his car.

What the hell?

Then there was Philando Castile, who was in a car that had been pulled over for a broken tail light. Castile, an African-American, told the officer that he had a concealed weapon permit, and he was, in fact, carrying. When he reached for his license, the officer shot him several times. In front of his girlfriend and her small child.

No, really...What the hell?

Then, in Dallas, where a peaceful Black Lives Matter protest was going on, a man who told police he was angry about those two shootings, as well as the growing list of others, opened fire on the Dallas police officers who were just keeping an eye on things. And, since the protest was so peaceful, the officers were  just roaming the crowd, chatting with the people, and some even stopped to take photos with them.

And then Micah Johnson opened fire, killing five officers and wounding six others.

What. The. Hell.

And, of course, the pundits and politicians are no help. One only needs to pull up comments from asshats like Joe Walsh or Rudy Giuliani or, naturally, Donald Trump to see that they're working that pump to fan the flames as hard as they can and drive a wedge between white people and black people. My response to them: Fuck those assholes.

Among those listed? Certainly.
But I must persist. So I'm going ahead with the other stuff I wanted to talk about first, and then I'll throw some tweets in your face and, hopefully, we'll all be able to hug and try not to be jerks to each other.

Before I get to the funnier stuff, I do want to address something that happened after I posted last week's list.

Now, as you may remember, I talked a bit about the whole Donald Trump/Star of David thing, and I wondered, basically, whether Trump was starting to come to the realization that, should he win the election (yeah...that's likely), he would have to, you know, actually be the president and do the president's job, and perhaps he was not really feeling that. So, I wondered whether he had decided to try and tank his campaign so he wouldn't have to just come out and say, "I quit" -- something he's clearly not fond of doing, except when it comes to paying contractors and stuff.

But the bottom line is, I was just throwing my theory out there and seeing if it would stick. That was the whole point of that bit.

Now, if you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you'll notice that there's a little box where you can, should you feel the need, tell me what you thought of the post. If it sucked, you can tell me in there. If you loved it, you can tell me in there. That's the point of it. Go ahead and use it, if you'd like.

However, my cousin decided that, instead of commenting on it here, he wanted to say something on the link to the post that I had put on my Facebook page, where I make a concerted effort to avoid talking about politics because, frankly, there's no middle ground, and you're either a completely wrong commie pinko dirtbag, or a racist xenophobic money grubbing conservative.

My cousin, a big Trump fan who reads Breitbart on purpose, felt that he had to defend Trump by parroting the "it's a sheriff's badge" argument, and went so far as to say that, since my grandfather was a sheriff's deputy (in Wayne County, Michigan), I was saying he was a racist because he wore and actual sheriff's star.
Sheriff Badges.
Not Sheriff Badges. (Pay particular attention to the far right, middle row one.)
Well, I deleted the comment. I don't regret it, because I don't discuss politics over there, and also because it was a stupid comment meant to shame me into not bringing it up again. Well, that's too bad. Trump is a racist. He panders to white supremacists and other racist, as well as xenophobes. If you deny that, you're either stupid or a racist yourself. Or both.

That said, feel free to say what's on your mind, agree or disagree, but say it here.

On a related note: The interwebs continues to pound Trump mercilessly over his dumbass comment, as well his usual dumbass self.

Wise guy, eh?
Aaaaaaanyway, moving on to something a little more uplifting, you may remember last year, when we here at Ugly Couchcast Industries went bonkers(in a cool way) when our pal Billy Brooks got engaged to his partner Barry Bishop during the Con Man panel last year at San Diego Comic Con. If not, here's the video clip from it:

Neat, right? When I contacted Billy to congratulate the two of them, I pointed out that they were going to have a hard time trying to top that for the actual wedding.

Funny story: Saturday, I was poking around on Twitter and say this post:

Son of a--...They did it. They pulled off awesome twice. Congratulations, Billy and Barry! Thanks for making a bright spot in an otherwise dark week.

Celebrate with some pie!
And now...What say we go have a look at some tweets, huh? And, as usual, if you dig 'em, come on over and join the conversation! Be funnier than me! (It's not that hard, really.)

In no particular order...

And there you have it. Now get out there, have a great week, and try to make sure nobody's murdering anybody, will ya? I don't care if you're black, white, a cop, a ninja, a one-legged albino Puerto Rican...I want to see all of you guys alive and well next week. Got that? Good. Now here's a classic tune from my youth...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

July 6, 2016

FDR: American Badass

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This week, the guys were joined by their pal Troy Parker, who even chose this week's movie...


Barry Bostwick (you should remember him as Brad from Rocky Horror Picture Show...If not, move along) stars as Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the most ass-kickingest, polio-havingest president ever to grace the planet.

Also, a surprisingly messy eater.
When FDR contracts polio through the bite of a Nazi werewolf, he sets off on a crusade to run for president so he can personally kick werewolf Hitler (Jesse Merlin), werewolf Hirohito (Jamison Yang), and werewolf Mussolini (Paul Ben-Victor) directly in the taints. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.)

Wait a minute...Hot singles in MY area?!
As he campaigns across the country, with the assistance of his servant Louis (Bruce McGill) and the support of his wife, Eleanor (Lin Shaye), he meets an astounding number of unusual people, including Cleavon Buford (Ross Patterson) and his wife, the astoundingly open-minded Marietta (Keri Lynn Pratt), who help FDR win the presidency just in time to end prohibition and enter World War II.

And maybe diddle his secretary a little bit.
To help with FDR, he is given a specially-designed wheelchair that has two shoulder-mounted rocket launchers and machine guns built into the wheels, and he is not afraid to use it!

When the werewolf axis powers try to infect Americans with the werewolf virus (which, by the way, also carries the polio virus, but that part only works on the area where a person is bitten), FDR takes his new chair, the Delano 2000 (Named as such "because it'll blast those motherfuckers into the next century!")

Goddamn right!
When it all comes down to business, it ends up being a head-to-head battle between FDR and werewolf Hitler...And only one man is coming out of this alive.

Jake is a little concerned about the mechanics of FDR's wheelchair, as it appears the two rocket launchers are nothing more than some heater duct piping. Otherwise, though, he believes this movie to be one of the greats.

Larry is a big fan of FDR's secretary, despite her incessant need to involve condiments in her...um...dalliances with the president. She claims it's because his legs remind her of Coney Island, which is weird in itself, but there's really no need to spray him with ketchup and mustard.

Troy believes this film is what convinced his fiancee that he is The One. The others can hardly disagree, as a negative reaction to a movie like this seems like it would be a pretty definite sign, one way or the other.

Derek has concerns about the historical accuracy of this documentary. We're not entirely sure he is aware of what's going on around here, but we keep him on because he's the only one who knows how to work the recorder.

There's also presidents and the monsters they would hunt in Larry's List, and Jake-ing Off and Inside My Head have been combined into a free-for-all chatfest! This week, they guys talk about comic books, comic book movies, and the Worst. X-Man. Ever.

So tune in, turn on, and listen! Also, remember: You're vote counts...as a suggestion to the anonymous people of the Electoral College who will actually be choosing the next leader of the free world. DEMOCRACY!

July 4, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Happy Independence Day to all of my friends here in the U.S.! And to everybody else...fuckin' Mondays, huh?

As today is July 4th, I decided to find GIFs of the most American thing I could find...

That's right: Hulk goddamn Hogan. Deal with it.
So let's get this dog-and-pony show rockin', shall we?

First off, I had absolutely no plans to talk about the human Mac & Cheeto that's running for office, but then he went and dropped yet another colossal turd on Twitter and now I just can't stop myself.

Ya see, on the day that it was announced Holocaust survivor and political activist Elie Wiesel had passed away, Trump posted an image proclaiming that Hillary Clinton is the "Most corrupt candidate ever!" Okay...no big deal, right? I mean, it's pretty standard that a politician from one party will make remarks like that about his/her opposition.

Yeah, but then there's the bit about how those words are written on a big ol' Star of David, which itself is sitting on a background of $100 bills. I'm not putting in on here, but here's a link to both that image, and the one they replaced it with; you can still see two of the points on the star, if you look close.)

Of course, the fine, funny folks of Twitter landed on Trump like a load of rectangular building things, and there were so many to choose from, I decided to go with this one because it seems like the most likely scenario:

Go ahead...Tell me you didn't picture him doing that as you read it.

I'm concerned about what he's doing back there...
So that's all of that. I don't wanna talk about him anymore. Unfortunately, it seems he is determined to get me to keep doing it, and it makes me wonder (and I'm probably not the first person to think this) whether Trump, who wanted that nomination so bad that he was willing to be the most xenophobic asshole racist he possibly could in order to rile up the GOP base, finally got it and then realized, "Holy shit...If I get elected, these people are going to expect me to know what I'm doing!" and decided that he wanted out of it, but without straight-up saying "I quit."

I mean, there's got to be a reason that he keep cramming his foot so far down his own throat that it tickles his butthole, right?

Or, to coin a different metaphor, he wants to "drown that dog."
Anyway, let's look at some tweets, huh? In no particular order...

And there you have it! Now finish enjoying your July 4th, and have an awesome rest of the week! To help that along, here's a patriotic song for you.

Now get your asses outta here!

Look at it. LOOK AT IT!!!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco