August 27, 2014

Steel Dawn

To download, right-click and choose "Save file as..."

Patrick Swayze, Patrick Swayze's mullet, Patrick Swayze's wife (who looks like Edgar Winter), and Patrick Swayze's almost entirely unused sword, accompanied by what seems to be a down-and-out Hulk Hogan, battle against Not-John Voight and his army boy band rejects in fright wigs in this post-Apocalyptic masterpiece of understatement and nepotism known as Steel Dawn.

Oh, boy, were the guys angry about this movie. Jake, who actually chose this turd-burger, is angry about the lack of actual swordplay in this swordplay-based film. Larry is angry about nearly everything in this movie, but the "sword holster"(?) in particular. Derek is just generally angry, but wants to make it clear that, despite a lack of specifics, it's still an unquenchable rage that makes him want to sit on this movie and dangle loogies over it, and then maybe pants it and drag it around the track at the local middle school..

Steel Dawn is exactly the kind of movie for which you need a podcast like this. We watch is so you don't have to! Listen now, and never, ever watch this film. Ever.

Next Week's Movie: The Man With The Screaming Brain

August 24, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

It's been another "meh" week in the real world, folks. However, the funny people at Twitter have come through like champs and provided me with loads of laughs over the past seven days, which made it way hard to pick the ones to share.

And that's why I've managed to wrangle Tonya Mehler to be my assistant in choosing this week's top ten. She carefully went through the vast number of re-tweets I did last week and helped me hone it down to a solid ten that I think will make you guys giggle.

Before I get into that, though, I wanted to remind everybody that next weekend is our live show, Sausagefest 2: Electric Boogaloo! If you're going to be in the Port Huron, Michigan area, come on out and have a blast with us!

And so, with only the smallest amount of ado possible, and in no particular order...

And there you have it! We both hope everyone has a great week. To help you along, please enjoy this 8-bit rendition  of The Big Lebowski.

All the best,
Derek, Tonya and Bosco

August 20, 2014

Horror of Party Beach

To download, right-click and choose "Save file as..."

This week, the guys go waaaay back to the mysterious, dark time known as 1964 to check out a "classic" called Horror of Party Beach!

This movie has everything! If, by chance, your definition of "everything" consists of teenagers who appear to be in their forties, excessively stereotypical housekeepers, a surf band that doesn't look like they know how to play their instruments, scenes shot in almost absolute darkness, poor dubbing, and a weird-looking fish monster/zombie that looks like it was made from old tires and hot dogs, that is...

No, seriously...This is it.
Alternate title: The Beast From Nathan's Famous!
Derek takes the lead on this one and gets upset by the swimwear choices. Larry talks about missed character choice opportunities for Eulabelle the maid, and Jake almost bites his own tongue off arguing about what does and does not constitute a "zombie".

In the end, they are left with even more questions than they had at the beginning. For instance, what's up with the monster's mouth? Are those bratwursts? And why is it filled with rice pudding and Stove Top stuffing (instead of potatoes)? Did Tina poop herself? How close to retirement are Hank and Elaine, the two "teenage" heroes? What's the deal with Elaine's father and his pervy expression? That band? Seriously? Is Eulabelle, with her insistence that "this is all voodoo", actually the smartest person in this movie? Or is she actually a ring wraith sent from Mount Doom? Why the slumber party/wake? Why wasn't there a sequel that focused on the drunk guys? And so much more...

So go! Now! Download this latest episode of Here Be Spoilers and share in the confusion!

Next Week's Movie: Steel Dawn

August 17, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Well, gang...It's Sunday. And thank Gawd, too, because the last week has absolutely sucked in the real world. I don't even want to talk about all that. That's not why I'm here for.

What I am here for is to share some tweets from the great people on Twitter who have given me a reason to smile in an otherwise dreary week.

And so, without any further ado, and very little organization...

And there you have it!

Before I go, I want to remind everyone that Sausagefest 2: Electric Boogaloo is less than two weeks away! If you're in the Port Huron, MI, area on the 30th, stop on by and join us for our second annual live podcast show!

Here's to a better week this week. And let me start it off for you with a little animated music video I made for "The Fruit Song" by my old band, Gypsy Moth:

Have a great week!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

August 13, 2014


To download, right-click and choose "Save file as..."

It's another thrilling episode of Here Be Spoilers, gang!

This week, the fellas watched 1985's Clue starring a cast of...well, of about ten. But it's a good ten! Martin Mull, Eileen Brennen, Christopher Lloyd, Leslie Ann Warren, Michael McKean, Madeline Kahn and Tim Curry make up the bulk of the cast, with a few nifty cameos thrown in for good measure!

The guys discuss the movie, the cast, what happened to John Landis, how the new Ghostbusters movie should be cast, and the Here Be Spoilers Civic Theater performs a scene from the movie!

They also take a few serious moments to talk about Robin Williams.

So tune in, ye scurvy dogs! And hoist your earbuds into your ears!


Next Week's Movie: Horror At Party Beach

August 10, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Well, it's Sunday again, kids. So it's time to throw a whole bunch of Twitter funny in your faces! Oh, sure, you could go and find some yourself (something that I would highly recommend), but until then, I'm happy to provide you with a few amusing examples that have made it onto my own timeline.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that it is also SHARK WEEK! With that in mind, why not listen to the podcast I did with Jake and Larry about Sharknado 2? Or, if you wish to hear about other big-mouthed creatures, there always our Year One podcast. (It stars Jack Black...Ya see, he's a monster with a large mouth, too, and he chews scenery like the sharks in Sharknado chew on people...See? I knew where I was headed with that.)

Anyway, let's get on with the madness that is Twitter, shall we? In no particular order...

And there you have it! Have yourself a great week! And to set you on your way, here is my absolute favorite campaign commercial ever. (It's from the 2010 Tennessee governor's race.) Enjoy Basil Marceaux!

In the immortal words of Tracy Morgan: "Live every week like it's Shark Week."

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

August 6, 2014

Year One

To download, right-click here and choose "Save link as..."

This is the first time the guys have had a movie they didn't all agree on: Year One starring Jack Black, Michael Cera and a host of incredibly funny cameos like David Cross, Kyle Gass, Paul Scheer, and Harold Ramis in his final role. (He also directed it!)

Derek demands that everyone refer to Jack Black as Humphrey Bogart and then almost immediately forgets to do it himself, Jake does his impressive Gary Oldman impression, Larry tries to keep everyone from finding out what next week's movie will be, and the (almost) Nicholas Cage-Off returns!

Tune in, turn on, and drop out, you weirdos!

Next Week's Movie: Clue

August 5, 2014

Sharknado 2 Special!

To download, right-click here and choose "Save link as..."

Oh, people...We experienced what can only be described as a monumental event. So much so, in fact, that we had to do a special podcast to talk about this thing....

That's right! We sat down and watched Sharknado 2: The Second One. If you have never listened to this show before, this is the one that should be your starting point. There are arguments about shark physiology, Tara Reid impressions, a frank discussion about weather graphics. And laughs. Lots of laughs.

So get on board for this amazing movie and the fun we had with it!

Oh, and keep watching the weather and watch out for falling sharks...

August 3, 2014

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

It's Sunday! So, of course, all the cool kids are stopping by to see what was funny on Twitter last week, right? RIGHT?!?

Well, maybe not all the cool kids, but definitely all the attractive and smart ones.

Anyway, it was another awesome week. Of course, there's the premier of Sharknado 2: The Second One (which--shameless plug--I'll be recording a podcast about with Jake and Larry this very afternoon for Here Be Spoilers, so tune in on Monday when it's posted!).

Another fun thing that happened was Orlando Bloom (The Lord of the Rings trilogy, the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies) did something we all have wanted to do for some time: He took a swing at worthless hunk of infected taint skin, Justin Bieber. Unfortunately, he missed. But he got to take a swing! It's a step in the right direction, for sure.

But enough of that. It's time to lay on the silliness of the Twitter folks. And, as always, let me implore you to go and join. It's great over there.

And now, in no particular order...

And there you have it! I hope you all have a fantastic week! And to help you on your way, here's a neat little clip of Wits host John Moe and author Neil Gaiman talking Mythbusters host Adam Savage into singing "I Will Survive" as Gollum from Lord of the Rings:

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

August 1, 2014

Goldblumathon: The Awesomess That IS Jeff Goldblum

I’m going to say this right up front: I like Jeff Goldblum.

Oh, sure, he’s a twitchy man whose movie choices sometimes leave me baffled (Earth Girls Are Easy, Independence Day – judge me all you want on that one; I stand by my belief that it’s not a very good film, although it is through no fault of the Goldblum himself…that one lays squarely at the feet of director/co-writer Roland Emmerich), but he’s also made it into some amazing films, as well (Jurassic Park, the incredible remake of The Fly), and, despite the fantastical storylines of a good many of them, he managed to give those roles the feel of a regular guy stuck in incredibly weird circumstances.

And that’s why I’m writing this piece as part of the multi-blog Goldblumathon presented by Cinematic Catharsis and talking about a few of my favorite Goldblum performances.


Another thing I like about Goldblum is that he’s an actor, not an Actor. This may not seem like a big difference, but for me, this is a big deal. A lot of Actors tend to take themselves too seriously. They will only work in films that will highlight their Amazing Dramatic Abilities, often in an attempt to get their hands on a little gold statue of a naked guy. And when they try something even remotely comedic, they fall flat on their faces almost every time. (A rare exception that springs immediately to mind is Robert DeNiro’s turn as Harry Tuttle in Terry Gilliams astoundingly underrated Brazil. The guy who was in Raging Bull, Taxi Driver and countless Mafia-themed films, played a vigilante air conditioner repairman and pulled it off incredibly well, long before crashing and burning, in my opinion, in Meet The Parents and its various unwatchable sequels.) Also, he’s a freakin’ MENSA member genius!

Goldblum, on the other hand, seems very comfortable in both serious and comedic roles, as well as roles that manage to combine the two. One need only look at his performance in Jurassic Park for a perfect example. Whether it’s explaining how it is impossible to keep the dinosaurs in the park from breeding (“Life, uh, finds a way…”) or just commenting on his surroundings (“Now that is a big pile of shit…”), he makes you believe that Dr. Ian Malcolm is a real person, and one you might want to hang out with, at that.

"I was The Fly. I know shit when I see it."
As a huge movie nerd, as well as a lover of almost all things Science Fiction (although I must admit, I still can’t figure out the appeal of Dr. Who, but that’s my cross to bear), I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Goldblum’s performance in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. He plays New Jersey, a neurosurgeon and the newest member of Banzai’s band, The Hong Kong Cavaliers. Here he is, meeting the band.

Nice outfit. He could not possibly look more out of place, but that’s part of what endears him to the viewer.

Okay. I was trying to avoid because, as I pointed out earlier, I’m not a huge fan of the film Earth Girls Are Easy (although Julie Brown’s song “’Cause I’m a Blond” is catchy), but I feel I would be remiss if I didn’t at least talk about it a little bit. Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans and Goldblum are aliens whose ship crashes in Geena Davis’s swimming pool. (Davis was Goldblum’s wife at the time, having married her after acting in Transylvania 6-5000 and The Fly with her.) All three aliens are covered in fur and this does not seem to bother Davis or her friends at all. Instead, they convince the three to shave off the fur and become surfer dudes so they will be inconspicuous on Earth while trying to fix their ship or some damn thing. I don’t know. To be honest, I can’t be bothered to remember the story, as it’s been done before and since (minus the surfer dude part, unless you count Jeff Bridges just being Jeff Bridges in Starman), with much better results. Really, the only reason to watch the movie, aside from Brown’s song, is Goldblum’s performance. Despite this being a ridiculous comedy, he creates a character that you can honestly believe is someone trying to learn to be human.

Nope. No other reason at all...
I could go on and on about the other great films Goldblum has been in, but really, you should go and seek them out yourselves. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll find anything bad about his performances, despite how questionable the material he’s been given to work with. (Again, I’m looking at YOU, Independence Day.)

Fun fact: Goldblum was considered for the role of Doc Brown in the Back to the Future trilogy. Tell me you wouldn’t want to watch that…

All the best,

Derek and Bosco