The Cannonball Run

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A lot of people might look down on the works of Hal Needham as a series of ridiculous, one-note stunt shows with jokes. And those people would, for the most part, be correct. But that's okay, because not everybody wants to sit through 180 minutes of two people discussing their feelings, even if it stars Meryl Streep and Sidney Poitier. Sometimes, a moviegoer wants to sit down and watch a 90-minute laugh-fest featuring Burt Reynolds slapping Dom DeLuise while Jack Elam mugs in the background.

Derek and Larry are two such people.

Straight-up raw sex appeal...and Burt Reynolds.

That's why they are finishing up their Hal Needham troika with a commentary of 1981's Cannonball Run, a film that pays tribute to the actual coast-to-coast race that ran for a number of years until 1979. (Needham himself took part in the final race, driving in the exact ambulance used in the movie.)

Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise are J.J. McClure and Victor Prinzim, respectively, and want to race in the Cannonball Run. However, they need a plan so they can make the trip without police interference. After throwing around a few ideas, they decide that driving an ambulance is the way to go. All they need is a doctor and a patient to make it look legitimate.

Meanwhile, we also meet Jamie Blake (Dean Martin) and Fenderbaum (Sammy Davis, Jr.), a couple of hard-drinking gamblers who are looking for a way in. They lay down a big bet with Jimmy the Greek (as himself), and head out to the starting line.

The line is hard to find when you are tanked to the gills, but they manage.

On the way, the two decide that dressing as priests is the way to go, although it is never quite explained how two priests driving a Ferrari will somehow avoid scrutiny, but that's for future scholars to discuss.

Over in Japan, we meet the Team Subaru, which consists of two drivers, Jackie Chan and Michael Hui. Their car is fully computerized, with a powerful rocket mounted in the trunk. They yell at each other a lot, and none of it is subtitled.

It's probably a safe guess that they are yelling about being cast as Japanese,
even though they are Chinese.

Other racers include Seymour (Roger Moore), who believes he is Roger Moore; Marcie and Jill (Adrienne Barbeau and Tara Buckman), a couple of Spandex-clad women who use their cleavage to get out of tickets; a sheik (Jamie Farr) who wants to buy his way into the race to show the superiority of Arabs; Mel and Terry (Mel Tillis and Terry Bradshaw), a couple of beer-swilling racers; Brad (Burt Convey) and his pal Shakey Finch (Warren Berlinger), who dress up as a married couple on a motorcycle; as well as a load of other people who don't get nearly as much screen time.

The "and the rest" of this movie.

The entire race, however, is in danger, as a naturalist named Arthur Foyt (George Furth), in an attempt to impress a beautiful photographer named Pamela (Farrah Fawcett), tries to get the whole thing shut down. Pamela, meanwhile is erotically fascinated with trees, it seems.

J.J. sends Victor on a mission to find a doctor to ride with them, and he himself decides that Pamela is the perfect candidate to be their patent, mostly because she is hot and bra-less.

Yeah, we're good with that.

Victor finds a doctor in the lumpy form of Nikolas Van Helsing (Jack Elam), who is really into sedatives, and the race gets underway.

There are too many storylines to keep track of, and most of the plot is a series of funny vignettes involving booze, sex, and Victor turning into his alter ego, the superhero named Captain Chaos. Chaos has a tendency to show up when he is not wanted, and never when he is needed, much to the chagrin of J.J. He does have his moments, though, such as when the entire race (at least the ones we recognize) gets into a fight with a biker gang led by Peter Fonda, because why the heck not?

Because once you've got this, Peter Fonda is almost a step back.

But who is going to win the race? Will it be J.J. and Victor? Will Pamela give up the goods to J.J.? Where does Foyt disappear to? How did Dean Martin manage to drive when he was so obviously hammered? How did Burt Convey get cast? What about Jamie Farr's character? (Not why anything in particular...Just why?) You'll have to tune in to find out!

Derek enjoys this film for the plain goofiness of it all, but he doesn't feel like it has the rewatchability of the first two Smokey and the Bandit movies. He wants to know more about the racers, as there wasn't really a lot of time spent on their stories. He would also like to see a Captain Chaos standalone movie. Maybe Marvel can get on that.

Larry disagrees with Derek, in that he is happy to watch it over and over again. He gets a real kick out of the pairing of Reynolds and DeLuise, and considers the addition of Jack Elam a huge plus. He, too, is worried about Dean Martin's liver, and is fascinated with the pairing of Terry Bradshaw and Mel Tillis. Who wouldn't want to see a movie with just those two?!

So fire up the radar detector, fuel up the race car, and tune in to this week's episode!