The Visitor

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Hey, everybody! It's Derek. it has been a couple of weeks since we have been able to do a show, what with Larry's insane work schedule (and now he's sick, to boot), so I wanted to do something special to make up for it. So I went and found a very special guest whose name I won't mention in this write-up; you're just going to have to listen to my guest and me provide commentary for 1979's Italian flick, The Visitor, starring Mel Ferrer, Glenn Ford, Lance Henriksen, John Huston, Joanne Nail, Sam Peckinpah, Shelly Winters, and Paige Connor. With a cast like that, what could possibly go wrong?

Actually, quite a bit, it turns out.

Not the least of which is the opening scene, which appears to have no
connection to anything at all.

The above scene ends, taking us to a scene where a guy who looks like the lead singer from Nickelback (Franco Nero) tells a bunch of bald kids about a great battle between Good (in the form of Yaweh) and Evil (in this case, Zateen). According to Wikipedia, he talks about how Yaweh killed Zateen, but Zateen's spirit remains alive and well, occasionally managing to impregnate women, causing all kinds of problems.

THIS IS HOW...YOU REMIND ME...

Next, we're thrown blindly into a basketball game, where team owner Raymond Armstead (Henriksen) and his girlfriend, Barbara (Nail) watch the last quarter of a game n what appears to be real time. It goes on forever, only to end with an exploding basketball, which appears to signify that Raymond's team won. Or not.

It should also be noted that Raymond is part of a Satanic group that are trying to gain control of Barbara's daughter, Katy (Connor), who happens to have some pretty disturbing psychokinetic abilities, as well as a deranged bird that murders for her.

Henriksen, as usual, displays his emotions with the voracity of a stunned
raccoon.

While Raymond is trying to get to Kasty for evil purposes, Jerzy Colsowicz (Huston) is trying to win her over to the side of Yaweh. Or, failing that, straight-up kill her. And he is the good guy. He's also got powers similar to Katy's, and the Nickelback guy sends him to Earth to get the job done.

For some reason, his plan involves beating her at Pong.

During Katy's birthday party, she uses her powers to transform a glass peacock into a gun, which she blindly tosses across the room, where it lands on a table and goes off, shooting her mother and severing her spine. A new housekeeper (Winters) comes in and instantly recognizes Katy for what she is, and the housekeeper is not putting up with any of her shit.

Why is your daughter's head spinning 'round like that, ma'am?

There's all kinds of yelling and trying to murder each other, Jerzy tries to get Katy, and Katy tries to kill him. A detective (Ford) is trying to find out who keeps killing people who don't like Katy, Raymond is trying to convince his Satanic masters that he can totally get Barbara knocked-up to spawn another Zeetan baby to mate with Katy, and possible abortions performed by Barbara's ex-husband (Peckinpah).

But really, there is almost no coherent plotline to follow. Seriously. I literally had to look it up on Wikipedia because I had no friggin' clue what it was I had watched. And the same goes for my Special Guest, who is the person that suggested this movie. Truthfully, the plot described on Wikipedia sounds like it would be a good flick, so I'm not really sure what happened here.

Eventually, things come to a head (and that head is almost decapitated), and there are birds and screaming and blood and all kinds of I-don't-know-what, and then it ends, and you are left even more confused than you were before you started watching.

I'm not going to give you a summary of our opinions. Suffice to say, we were both confused. Still, we managed some good jokes, so feel free to look it up on Vudu or Hulu for free, and listen to our commentary while you watch!