Re-View: Invasion U.S.A. (1952)

To listen/download, click here!

Dateline, 1952! The Red Scare takes hold of the country! McCarthyism is on the rise, as Senator Joseph McCarthy prepares to begin his witch-hunt for supposed Communist sympathizers working withing the government, and then beyond!

In Hollywood, many are black-balled from working due to their ties to Communism! But not the folks in this little number, which features Gerald Mohr, Peggie Castle, Tom Kennedy, Dan O'Herlihy, Robert Bice, Erik Blythe, and not one, but two Lois Lanes! (Noel Neill and Phyllis Coates!)

And almost all of them drink their lunch away, because it's the goddamn fifties!

Yeah, the guys sat down to re-watch Invasion U.S.A., a propaganda film from 1952 that asks the question, what if some vaguely East European Communist country invaded the United States? And if this movie is any indicator, it involves lots of booze, breakfasts of coffee and cigarettes, and tiny generals who look like Kevin Pollock. You can read about and listen to the guys' original podcast here. (Jake wasn't there for it.)

And so, rather than go over the entire story again--basically, these booze hounds watch the invasion on the bar TV, and then, one-by-one, are picked off by Commie soldiers dressed in U.S. military outfits--they're going to discuss some of the more disturbing things they saw.

Such as Tim the bartender's weird, lumpy head.

First off, one of the things the guys noticed was the abundance of World War II stock footage of dogfights and planes crashing into the ocean and various ships. While that adds a solid amount of realism to the look of the film, it is also very clear that a lot of people died unaware that their deaths would be used as a political entertainment. It's almost as disturbing as the cow that was blatantly murdered onscreen in Atomic War Bride. But at least these guys were fighting for their countries.

In between stock shots, actors dressed as soldiers shot each other in the junk.

Then there's Vince and Carla's brief but fiery romance. As best as the guys can tell, Vince met Carla at the bar around lunchtime on a weekday. Not long after, the first enemy planes are spotted over Alaska. When the bar clears out almost completely so each of the patrons can go home to their families or, in the case of George, the guy who brought Carla there in the first place, to his factory, Vince and Carla stick around and let romance bloom. (Although the moment was almost ruined when a paperboy showed up. Best walk-on ever. Watch the movie embedded below, or just start it at about 28:07; it lasts about twenty seconds, but is so worth it.)

Sometime later that day(?), Carla has become a Red Cross nurse, and Vince has spent the intervening time trying to enlist, although he keeps getting refused. It appears to be minutes later when they are smoking their breakfast (or possibly just a late afternoon post-coital protein refill) and discussing what they intend to do for the rest of their lives, which, at this pace, will be about fifteen to twenty more minutes. And not long after that, Vince is reading the news on the radio as the studio is taken over by the vaguely East European Communists. In a few short seconds, he is whisked back to Carla's place by a pair of alcoholic enemy soldiers. When one of them makes a play for Carla, Vince intervenes, only to be shot. Carla, taking the initiative, jumps out the window, ending her life. All in what appears to be less than twenty-four hours. And you think your schedule is hectic!

All dead, in hilariously dramatic fashion.

And what about the others? George and Ed (the "cattle racer"?) hire a cab when Lois Lane won't sell them airline tickets, and drive first to George's factory, where he is quickly dispatched by the tiny window cleaner guy who also happens to be a general in the Communist army. Ed and the cabbie then drive from New York to Arizona, where Ed lives with his family, in roughly twenty-five minutes. Unfortunately, as fast as that cab is, it isn't fast enough to outrun the flood caused by bombing the Hoover Dam, killing Ed, his family, and the cabdriver.

All because some creepy German-sounding hypnotist thought it would be a hoot to show these souses what it would be like if the country were invaded by the Commies. The only one who was pretty much left unaffected, at least until a building fell on him, was Tim the bartender. He was content to keep pouring drinks and yelling at the TV. Just like Derek's grandmother used to.

She used to have the same expression as Mr. Ohman, too.

But what about the others? Senator whatsisface? The loud guy who laughed too hard at himself? His embarrassed friends? You don't have to tune in to find out; they all died, as well. But if you want to, you can listen.

Jake was pleasantly surprised, and not just because there was no Chuck Norris beating people up in this one. He actually quite enjoyed it, comparing it to Rod Serling's work. Not too shabby!

Derek still digs it. As before, he cannot figure out why this made it to Mystery Science Theater 3000, because it's really not a bad movie, if you can get behind the sort of goofy premise.

Larry also still enjoyed it. He can't wrap his head around the cab driver and the tiny general looking like the same guy (it's not; we checked), but he wouldn't let that get in the way of enjoying it again.

Want to watch the movie? Here ya go!

So have a drink, have another...You know what? Just leave the bottle. And check out this week's episode!