Tank Girl

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In another failed attempt to watch John Landis' first film, Schlock, due to Larry not being able to make it to the session, Derek and Jake sat down to watch a classic 90s comic book movie that doesn't involve muscly dudes in spandex body suits: 1995's Tank Girl, starring Lori Petty, Naomi Watts, Malcolm McDowell, Ice-T, Don Harvey, Jeff Kofer, Reg E. Cathey, Scott Coffey, Stacy Linn Ramsower and Iggy Pop, among others.

Rebecca (Petty) lives in a commune with her boyfriend (Brian Wimmer), several other adults, and a number of what appear to be feral children, in a futuristifc, post-Apocalyptic world that is all but completely without water. What little water there is, is claimed and controlled by a massive company called Water & Power, run by Kesslee (McDowell).

Water & Power have their own problems, because their outposts are regularly attacked by a mysterious group called The Rippers, thought to be some kind of mutant monsters.

Not a people person.

When the commune is attacked by Water & Power's army because there was an unauthorized water pump in the house, Rebecca's boyfriend and most of the other inhabitants of the house are killed, and one of the kids, Sam (Ramsower), is last seen screaming for Rebecca before being dragged back inside the house. Rebecca is subdued after killing a number of soldiers, and taken back to Water & Power headquarters, where she meets Kesslee and immediately pisses him off, so she gets put in the hard labor pool.

After a hard day at work, Rebecca hears another prisoner who is also a flight mechanic, Jet Girl (Watts) being harassed by a Water & Power officer (Harvey), so she intercedes, making a friend in Jet, who isn't quite sure what to make of Rebecca.

But she seems so normal...

The next day, Rebecca sneaks into the motor pool and tries to steal a tank. Unfortunately, because she doesn't have a security code, she triggers a cyanide gas release in the tank, which almost kills her before Jet, who does have access codes due to her status as a mechanic, saves her.

This entire scene is watched by Kesslee, who decides to interrogate Rebecca because he thinks she might know where the Rippers are. When she refuses to answer any questions, he puts her in a straight jacket and drops her down a long tube to think about whether she wants to help. At the same time, the officer who was harassing Jet takes away her flight status to punish her for helping Rebecca. After a while, Kesslee pulls Rebecca out of the tube and tells her they are going to use her as bait for the Rippers, who have attacked another outpost and killed a bunch of Water & Power soldiers.

That night, they all go to the scene of the last attack and prepare to send Rebecca out, but before it can happen, the Rippers attack, killing almost everyone except Rebecca. Jet, who has stolen a plane, goes looking for her and finds her, hoping to get the two of them out of there, but Rebecca refuses to leave without her tank, and they two of them take off to go find Sam.

Traveling in style!

In their travels, they find another house where a woman has some of Sam's personal effects, and after they convince the woman they aren't from Water & Power, she tells them they can find Sam at a place called Liquid Silver, which appears to be a kind of gentlemen's club, but for super-creepy pervs. After a quick montage of Jet and Rebecca, who is now officially Tank Girl, personalizing their chosen vehicles, they head out to Liquid Silver.

When they arrive, Rebecca sneaks into the club somehow, and Jet steals some woman's clothes so she can sneak in, too. At the same time, The Madam of the club (Ann Magnuson), sends Sam off to do "a school girl thing" with a customer called Rat Face (Pop). Sam escapes from him and finds Rebecca, and the two of them find Jet and head out, but not before interrupting the evening's events for the club-goers to make The Madam sing Cole Porter's "Let's Do It", because why the hell not?

Completely normal.

The performance is interrupted by Water & Power soldiers who, once again, capture Sam, leaving Rebecca and Jet to go after her one more time, completely unaware that Kesslee has survived the Ripper attack and has a new robotic arm, as well as his head removed and replaced with...something else? But this time, Rebecca wants to recruit The Rippers to help, so she and Jet head out into the desert to find them, which they inadvertently do, only to discover that The Rippers are, in fact, human/kangaroo hybrids created by a mysterious man named Johnny Prophet. Rebecca takes a liking to one of them, Booga (Kofer), who also has some dog DNA in him (because he was a good dog), and another, Donner (Coffey) is really into Jet, who doesn't seem to be as interested. Another Ripper, T-Saint (Ice-T) doesn't trust either of them and suggests they kill both Rebecca and Jet. He is outvoted by the others, who choose instead to test them by sending them to get pictures of a weapons delivery headed to Water & Power headquarters.

Rebecca and Jet sneak onto the site and get the pictures by pretending to be a photography crew making a Water & Power calendar, and then a plan is hatched to steal the weapons. It goes as well as it can, and Rebecca manages to get the trailer that has the crates on it, but when they get the crates back to the Rippers' underground lair, they discover most of them filled with dirt, with the exception of one, which holds the remains of Johnny Prophet. Naturally, the Rippers are upset, and they make a plan to take down Water & Power for good.

Again, nothing strange here...

But will it work? Will they shut down the evil company for good? Will Kesslee's head replacement work like it's supposed to? Will Rebecca and Booga go on to live happily ever after? Will Donner continue to dry-hump Jet every chance he gets? Oh, and will Sam be saved?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake was pleased to realize he enjoyed this as much as, if not more than, when he first saw it back in 1995. He also points out that Tank Girl is the empowered female hero for people who think Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman was a bit too stuffy and proper. He does, however, have some issues with the technology used for Kesslee's head replacement. Also, a musical number?! Really?!

Derek has liked this movie since he first saw it, and has never wavered in his appreciation of it. He also thinks that a reboot should include Paul F. Tompkins as the Ripper T-Saint, doing his killer Ice-T impression. If you haven't heard it, you should. He is also okay with the musical number because it was in such an absurd place, and Joan Jett was singing on it. What's not to dig?

So put on your weirdest post-Apocalyptic outfit, climb into the military vehicle of your choice, and check out this week's episode!