Once more, It is my pleasure to show you just what kind of awesomely funny stuff you are missing out on by not being a part of Twitter. Go there. Join. Follow these funny people. (And, you know, I myself am not against the idea of accepting sympathy followers to help stroke my ego.)
As you can see, I've had to expand it again because they just keep putting more and more of the funny out there. It's totally worth it.
Before I start, though, I want to apologize to those of you who have been stopping by, looking for new content, only to find that I have, once again, failed to write anything funny this week. I suck. I have been trying to come up with something to amuse you, but, alas, I keep coming up blank. Sorry about that.
But that's just another reason why I like doing these particular posts: Funnier people than me do all the work, and I reap the rewards! And so, without further ado, here it is!
In no particular order...
"DIDN'T STAY TRUE TO THE REAL STORY WTF" is hands down my favorite review of noah or any movie of all time— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) March 30, 2014
If you eat your donuts in the bathtub, you don't even need napkins— Kori (@Kori_Okie) April 1, 2014
Standing in the "15 items or less" line with 16 items... Starting to perspire... Holding my broccoli tight... Ready to make a run for it.— Brian (@Black__Elvis) May 13, 2013
If Private Ryan was Black...it would be called.."Sorry for your loss Mrs.Ryan."— Crunchy PeaNutBrutha (@Livsey1) February 25, 2013
Animals may be our friends but they'll never pick us up at the airport.— Charlene (@char_is_apt) April 2, 2014
Vader: I am your father! Luke: No! V: April Fools! L: You're not my dad? V: No, I totes am. Cutting off your hand was the prank. Gotcha!— John Solo (@Shock_Monster) April 1, 2014
A Bigfoot spends 95% of his life removing poop caked in his butt fur.— Jason Lastname (@JasonLastname) April 2, 2014
Taco Bell Breakfast..... Death just got up a little earlier.— Hogpuddin Razorback (@Hogpuddin) April 2, 2014
"He'd be cute if he got a haircut." "Ever heard of sunscreen?" "Wait, what quarter is this?" Me watching baseball.— Sascha Rothchild (@sascharothchild) March 31, 2014
Sad spring training news in Florida: The Phillies invoked the "Stand Your Ground" law to kill entire Yankee lineup after feeling threatened.— Tony (@Tmoney68) March 28, 2014
People who order medium pizza or light beer are why I have trust issues.— Tony K. (@tkhan74) April 2, 2014
I farted in a room of hipsters and watched them fight over who heard it first.— Awescar (@awescar) August 25, 2011
Like grandma used to say: if it doesn't fit, just add spit. My grandma was a bit of a slut.— Miss M (@bendymommy) January 11, 2014
You know that little piece of poo that hangs from your cats butthole hair... That's you. But as a person.— TWAT WAFFLE (@MrTwatWaffle) April 3, 2014
"Hey kids,It's me Captain America.Anything is possible if you work hard, believe in yourself and take a lot of performance enhancing drugs."— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) April 4, 2014
Ya I just got a huge spoiler fitted to my car *gestures to a Honda Civic with WALTER WHITE DIES spray painted down the side*— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) April 4, 2014
I ate turkey bacon this morning and I was so disappointed that I wanted to Facebook message every ex and apologize.— Davey (@DefinitiveDavid) April 4, 2014
rad dad why are you rolling up my carpet? what's all the wood for? dad it's 3am i need to study, please don't turn my room into a skate park— M. Crow (@mean_crow) October 5, 2012
I liked Waterworld...there I said it!! Fuck, been carrying that load since '95.— Adam Says Relax (@Adam14) April 5, 2014
And on that note, have yourselves an AWESOME week! And stay tuned. I've got TWO new podcasts coming very, very soon!
How many babies have i fought? Like, 7. Next question.— A Responsible Man (@OBiiieeee) April 6, 2014
All the best,
Derek and Bosco