Ten Funny Tweets (And THAT'S ALL) Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week (Late Evening Edition)

Okay, okay...I know I usually post these lists earlier in the day, but, as today is Easter, I decided to give myself a little leeway so I could gorge myself and perhaps pass out in a food coma. I'm pleased to announce that this is exactly what happened, so, er, Victory, I guess!

Anyway, it was another hilarious week on Twitter, but I've decided to scale back to the original limit of ten posts, because frankly, it's been getting out of hand. And, as silly as this may sound, I feel like adding more and more each week diminishes the list. (Because you just know all those funny Twitter folk are just living for the prestige of ending up on a list that is read by the dozen or so of you that actually take the time.)

And so, in no particular order...

it's even more awkward now knowing that when my grandfather asks me to pull his finger, it's going directly into his colostomy bag
— Illuminated Wonder (@illuminatedwndr) April 13, 2014

Judge me all you want, but I think John Moe (@johnmoe), the host of Wits on Minnesota Public Radio, is one of the funniest human beings on Earth. And one of the funniest bits they do on the show is The Mad Men Show Sketch. This is why:

"Oh I got fired from the idea thinking up store. More time for brown drink, sex having, and PUNCH ME IN THE MIRROR." - Dan Draple
— John Moe (@johnmoe) April 13, 2014

Tryouts for my band tonight. So far it's Crackhead Todd on flute & me whispering into a paper cup so we're kind of just looking for dancers.
— Chelsea Lockwood (@Chelsea_Elle) September 18, 2012

I cleaned my phone on my boob and wound up with a date to the Senior Prom... I'm not even in high school. WHAT KIND OF WALMART IS THIS?!
— Felix Felicis (@LuckoftheDraw86) April 12, 2014

Rick Springfield was probably Jessie's shittiest friend.
— david nuzzy nussbaum (@theNuzzy) April 14, 2014

I'm in such a weird place in my life right now. Literally. This shop only sells Owls and Mayonnaise.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 16, 2011

Babies named Agnes are born wearing a floral print blouse that smells like beef stew and do crossword puzzles while they watch Columbo
— Bownuggets (@Bownuggets) April 10, 2014

Seven more cassettes and I'll have fulfilled the terms of my Columbia House contract.
— Tony P. (@Steelers1972) March 4, 2014

[speed dating] "hi im jennif- WE DONT HAVE MUCH TIME *pulls out 17 charts* HERES HOW JUMANJI FORESHADOWED 9/11
— EJ Gomez (@EJGomez) December 6, 2013

And finally, here's Tim Bartlett (@wbllostsoul), a truly funny human being who doesn't get nearly enough attention on Twitter.

Got banned from another Redbox site for dressing like the Grail Knight and saying, "You chose poorly" when someone rented a shitty movie.
— Tim Bartlett (@wbllostsoul) April 18, 2014

There you have it! And, as always, if you're not on Twitter, join and find even more funny!

Stay tuned, as I will be posting a new Couchcast in the next few days!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco