October 26, 2015

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

You guys...You make this hard for me to do every week, ya know that?

Here's why: Each week, I have to search through all the funny tweets you wrote--tweets that made me laugh loud enough to scare Bosco, or at least snort Coke out my nose. (I would not recommend this.) And, as I go through them, I have to make a lot of tough decisions about which ones to include and which ones, sadly, to pass on. If I could, I'd post all of them, but then it wouldn't be so much a list as a recreation of my own Twitter feed, but without all the poorly-written ones from me.
But only Bosco would hear me.
But I still forge ahead, looking for those perfect ten to show you just what you are missing by not joining Twitter and finding some funny on your own. Maybe one day you'll see the light and GET OVER THERE AND FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. (Subtle, right?)

Anyway, it was a heck of a week last week. presidential hopeful and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sat down to talk to the yahoos running the 478th Benghazi hearing designed to show that she personally went there and karate-kicked those four Americans to death, stopping only to give piles of free government money to gay immigrants and forcing any Christians she ran across to convert to Islam while receiving federally-funded abortions. I think.
Trey Gowdy gives his opening statement to an attentive audience.
To be honest, I gave up caring about these hearings when the last few committees reported that Clinton had not ordered security to stand down. But I found it interesting that so many people came forward to say that these hearings were--GASP!---bullshit designed to make Hillary look bad during the presidential campaigns.

Now, normally, I would take statements like that with a grain of salt because, like so many other average citizens, I am an idiot, and I'd like to assume that somewhere in the governmental machine, someone is sitting at a desk and actually trying not to destroy everybody for personal gain. But this time I paid a little more attention because the people who were saying this stuff were, in fact, the guys who were running the hearings.

When the guy running the show (Trey Gowdy), as well as another guy who, at one point, was supposed to take over the Speaker of the House position when John Boehner leaves (Kevin McCarthy), and one of their investigators (Maj. Bradley Podliska) all say it's horseshit...Well, maybe you should pay attention.

And speaking of the Speaker of the House, the above-mentioned McCarthy decided that, nah...He didn't want the job. There was a lot of speculation as to why, but it all boils down to McCarthy taking a look at what was going on between Boehner and the loonies in the Freedom Caucus, and he uttered those two important words that have saved so many lives and careers in the past: "Fuck that."

Smart man.

Unfortunately, that means Paul Ryan has decided to step in and take the job. There's more about that, but I'm frankly sick of talking about it.
Let's go back to the studio for the weather report...
And, finally, there's a serious thing to talk about. This past weekend, the strongest hurricane on record, Patricia, hit Mexico, putting thousands out of their homes, destroying loads of property, and, according to some douche nuggets on Facebook and Twitter, completely ruining the vacations of hundreds of tourists! ("This shit doesn't happen when we go to the Wisconsin Dells, Martha!")

Now, yes, this is pretty upsetting. All those folks injured or, worse, killed; those whose homes were damaged or destroyed...It's terrible when stuff like that happens to anybody. (Except you, Todd. You know why.) But even more upsetting is the fact that this hurricane, so late in the season, was so strong and so huge. Let's throw it over to my pal @PaperWash to see a comparison to the last big-ass, hurricane that hit close to that area:

They're getting bigger. Yikes. Global warming? An angry god (or gods)? I'm not picking sides, although I have my opinions. (Damn you, Todd. You dick.) But regardless of the reason, it's extremely worrying.
Almost as worrying as whatever is happening here.
Meanwhile, I spent some time last week looking inward and asking myself the hard questions. And maybe...Just maybe...I learned a little something about myself.

Oh, yeah...And some folks over on Twitter made me laugh. What say we get to those, being as that's why you're here, I assume? In no particular order...

BONUS EXTRA TWEET (requested by @redtache):

And there you have it! See what I mean? It gets more and more difficult each week, but I keep doing it. For you. And to validate my need to ramble about other stuff under the guise of humor. It's win-win!

Anyway, have an awesome week. And, to start it off, have a look at the unofficial Star Wars trailer some genius created by editing together all of the released footage from The Force Awakens so far.

As an added bonus, here's John Boyega reacting to seeing himself in the trailer during Monday Night Football last week:

All the best,
Derek and Bosco