Before we get started, I just wanted to let you all know that there will not be a list next week. I want to take a week off from doing it to do some stuff on this page that needed to happen a while but but never did, and also to do some stuff out in the real world, too.
Anyway, this week has been a heck of a ride for Angry Orange, and I've brought in "Macho Man" Randy Savage to provide animated commentary.
Trump administration working together smoothly to run the nation. pic.twitter.com/0bBTgLPJ3U— Joseph Scrimshaw (@JosephScrimshaw) March 17, 2017
Two weeks ago, Angry Orange flew a rage because a magical fairy in his dream (i.e., "somebody on Fox News") told him that President Obama had wiretapped Trump Tower, so he did what any reasonable person responsible for the safety of the free world would do: He went on Twitter and accused the former president of a felonious act without any proof at all whatsoever.
Obama probably wiretapped Trump while his death panels were shooting the elderly with all the guns he took and I can keep this going all day— Josh Faust (@JarshFarst) March 4, 2017
Needless to say, the rest of the world was shocked. President Obama possibly most of all. Angry Orange's team of mouthpieces, however, jumped right out there and defended their boss and his crazy word-sayings by insisting on all sorts of crazy shit. Top of the "Pants-Crapping INsane" list goes to angry bag of hairless cats, Kellyanne Conway, who suggested that anything could be turned into a surveillance device. A microwave, for instance.
Naturally, Twitter had some stuff to say about that.
.@KellyannePolls Fun fact: 'Imagine microwaves that turn into cameras' was the original first line of 'Imagine' by John Lennon!— Doctor Happyknuckles (@drhappyknuckles) March 13, 2017
But wait! It gets better!
|CIA Director Savage explains how it's done.|
Well, the hearings started today and, as I write this, every single news site I have visited is pointing out that FBI director James Comey (you may remember him as the guy who torpedoed Hilary Clinton with a bullshit letter about a continuing investigation into her use of a private email server because Anthony Weiner's wife had a laptop that contained a few emails--which the FBI had already seen--from Clinton) said, quite simply, that there was no evidence whatsoever that Obama had ordered a wiretap and, more interestingly, even if he had wanted one, the president cannot order it.
|Hey, Randy...Is this batshit crazy enough for you yet?|
What happens when u wear a green tie on TV 😭 pic.twitter.com/gAohulqeck— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) March 16, 2017
I watched it for twenty minutes when I first saw it, and at least once each day since. Still have no idea what it's about.
|And I'm sure Randy would have loved it.|
Daylight Savings returned with a vengeance last Sunday, affecting anybody who had to wake up early on Sunday morning (such as myself), and it sucked. I was stumbling around like a zombie the whole day. Fortunately, I had two days off right after that, so it didn't take long to readjust.
Not everyone had the same experience, though...
Set my clocks ahead earlier today then went out and bought a Sunday paper on a Saturday night, so I'm basically a Time Lord now.— Just Bill ❄ (@WilliamAder) March 12, 2017
NOBODY MOVE I LOST AN HOUR— SHANtilly Lace (@theshantilly) March 12, 2017
But, all in all, we survived.
As for myself, I spent some time with Ugly Couchcast CEO Bosco...
Bosco? Are you happy with your new chew bone? pic.twitter.com/N3PkwMMxGO— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 12, 2017
"DAD?! IS IT TIME TO GO OUTSIDE YET?!" pic.twitter.com/icrsTAqNVq— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 17, 2017
I came to a stunning realization...
With all the various versions of Batman movies, I've seen Thomas and Martha Wayne die more than Bruce Wayne has. I'm more Batman than he is!— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 16, 2017
And was possibly, or possibly not, "dissed", as the kids say these days...
They liked, but did not retweet, my tweet...I don't know if I should be pleased or disappointed...? pic.twitter.com/eJC6SZiVt6— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 15, 2017
But I also discovered long lost music...
So, all-in-all, it wasn't a terrible week for me.
|Something to consider.|
*Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*— The St. Louisan (@thestlouisan) November 26, 2016
Vaping in your car outside of a closed Chipotle is as exactly sad as it sounds.— Blake Hammond (@BigRadMachine) March 13, 2017
Hi, retailers. Thanks for second guessing, but a what mum would really like for Mothers Day is an end to patriarchy and a strong orgasm.— Kate (@KateOfHysteria) March 15, 2017
Sometimes I'm like, "Why aren't I more successful?"— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 15, 2017
Then it takes me three tries to get my arm in my coat sleeve and I'm like, "Ah, right."
I should legally be able to joust anybody that's wearing Under Armour.— Die-sappointing (@Diealated) March 16, 2017
Earlier I had a drink and tried to suck on the straw without looking up from my phone long story short I didn't have a straw and people saw— your daddy (@Kappa_Kappa) March 16, 2017
"DADDY NO!!! THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"— Seamus O'flaugherty (@seamussaid) January 20, 2016
*maintains eye contact*
*slides off couch onto floor*
Life begins at sex. The baby lives for a while in the stomach before migrating to the shit sack where it learns to vape and navigate reddit.— Olly Dommers. (@Chumpstring) February 9, 2017
Why Canadians don't brag about Wolverine more often is beyond me.— Hand Solo™ (@RdrJay47) March 17, 2017
Exactly. pic.twitter.com/QbcM6KuRTP— Tobias Van Schneider (@vanschneider) March 17, 2017
And there you have it! Now go have an awesome week, darn it! And to get you in the proper mood, here's Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan all coked-up (allegedly) and giving an interview!
Drop the tiny coffee creamer to let us end this, Randy.
|That will do nicely.|
Derek and Bosco