Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, everybody!

I decided that this week, as it is Women's History Month, I'm going to make this week's list nothing but funny women I follow on Twitter. But before that, just a few things...

Like brunch!

Angry Orange gave a speech to Congress, and he managed to not complain about how people hate his dumbass Executive Orders or the popular vote or any other stuff for almost 90 minutes!

Question of the Day: What do you want to hear from President Trump tomorrow night? #Hannity

— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) February 28, 2017

FREEBIRD! WOOOOOO! https://t.co/yMAvsuunj1

— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) February 28, 2017

Pundits went gaga, pretending like this...this was the "pivot" the were waiting for! It was finally happening! He was taking the job seriously!

That lasted all of one whole day, when Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would not be returning to Celebrity Apprentice next season, citing Angry Orange's "baggage" attached to the show.

The cat hair-covered piece of smoked jerky immediately took to Twitter to say Arnold was being fired because of his terrible ratings, and also President Obama "tapped the wires" at Trump Tower.

I don't want to be judgy but it seems Melania's fight against cyberbullying isn't going well.

— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 4, 2017

Well, things are getting ugly now. Even his own people are saying they have no clue what the hell he is talking about. So they have that much in common with him.

It might also be his undoing, because he is calling for an investigation. If it turns out that it was true, and the building was tapped, that meant there had to be a warrant issued, which means that a judge found probable cause, and someone's got some 'splainin' to do!

Fights are being picked, accusations are being made, and we all get to have a front row seat!

Inquiring minds want to know: name one thing congressional Ds are willing to work on, on a bipartisan basis, now. I am at a loss.

— JohnCornyn (@JohnCornyn) March 3, 2017

Impeachment. https://t.co/CVMf44INEa

— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) March 4, 2017

Heck, sometimes we get to participate! I, myself, got blocked by Mike Huckabee. Can't imagine what it was I brought up, but it must have rubbed him the wrong way.

Somebody's touchy! pic.twitter.com/kUByruVOFI

— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) March 2, 2017

Anyway, it has come down to the last Republican guy, George W. Bush, going on TV and offering his opinion on it.

You know it's bad when George W. Bush is calling for an inquiry into a rigged election.

— Laura (@SheWhoVotes) February 27, 2017

Good god...This is what we've become.

Proto-Phoebe, from Prehistoric Friends.

But then there were tweets! Lots of tweets! Funny tweets! And a metric fuckton (that's, like, 2.16 times a standard fuckton) of them came from some seriously smart, funny women on the Twitter machine! In fact, here's ten of them:

Anyone know if these are safe to eat? pic.twitter.com/UWtXSlrdS9

— liVsy (@liv_thatsme) February 25, 2017

Accidentally ate an entire banana trying to take a suggestive picture.

— heather lou* (@heatherlou_) November 30, 2016

I willfully dated a man who spoke in 3rd person & bore a striking resemblance to Mike Pence so please, don't ask me for "love advice", ever.

— The Sassiest Semite (@LittleMissLizz) February 28, 2017

Superheroes come from broken homes & inattentive parents.

Parents, stop hugging your kids. We need a Batman.

— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) February 13, 2016

My anger toward health insurance companies burns like the fire of 1000 suns.

Health Insurance Companies: That condition isn't covered.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) October 17, 2016

Making small talk, I mentioned my mother was from Scotland.
"Oh! So you're Irish."

He's no longer "with us."

— Kimtopher (@kimtopher22) February 20, 2017

He talked me into that "wrong hole" thing once...

sticking my finger through a wedding ring.

— ∂arkside∂eb (@darksidedeb) March 3, 2017

For when you're not getting any but want to smell like you did. pic.twitter.com/vEBgjYlk8Q

— Kris P Kreme (@krisv_723) March 4, 2017

Logan (2017) Adorable little girl stabs a bunch of dudes to death. 10/10 stars.

— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 4, 2017

You can snack on veggies at the market, no worries, but reach into the lobster tank for fresh sushi and everyone's tits are in an uproar.

— Craving (@calluptome) March 4, 2017

And there you have it! And remember: None of you bozos would be here without at least one awesome woman being around. So show some respect, you buttheads! Also, have an awesome week. To get it going, here's the woman who pretty much invented rock and roll: Sister Rosetta Tharpe...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco