Thunderbirds Are GO! (1966)

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Some ideas look good on paper, and when made a reality, blow your mind with how amazing they are. Space travel, sliced bread and hot dogs with a tunnel full of chili already in them come to mind.

But then you get an idea that, while it seems like it would be a home run when you're looking at it on the page, turns out to be like a dog's fart. It's unwelcome, and surprisingly pungent. That's where this week's movie falls.

This week, Derek and Jake sat down to watch a movie based on Gerry Anderson's popular television show, Thunderbirds, creatively titled Thunderbirds Are GO!

Almost all of you reading this are familiar with Anderson's work, even if you are not familiar with his name. You see, he developed a form of puppetry he called Supermarionation, which involves marionettes with lifelike articulated mouths, and gigantic, highly-detailed sets for them to sit around and talk. That's it, really, except for the ridiculously long glory shots of space ships being put together.

Anyway...The movie.

The year is 2065! The Future! And the Zero-X rocket is preparing for launch! Its journey will take six weeks, and its destination is Mars! Among the crew are Space Captain Greg Martin (Alexander Davion), Space Navigator Brad Newman (Bob Monkhouse), and a few other unnamed crewmen. After what feels like a good hour of lovingly-shot passes of the ship being assembled, they take off. Unfortunately, there's a stowaway (Ray Barrett) in the bowels of the ship, on a mission to make sure the Zero-X does not make it out of the atmosphere.

The FUTURE!

The villain's plan doesn't go quite as he had planned, and his foot gets caught in a piston, causing the ship's flaps not to work properly, making it unable to get any lift. Satisfied that it was good enough, he escapes through a hatch in the bottom of the ship and parachutes to safety.

Up in the cockpit, Space Captain Martin sends everybody to the escape pod because the ship is going down soon less than ten minutes after taking off. Moments before the Zero-X crashes into the ocean in a huge fireball, the escape pod is jettisoned and the crew is safe.

Jumping ahead two years, the Space Exploration Center is ready to go again, but Space Captain Martin has a problem with the security, in that it appears there is nothing more being done than last time. He tells the President of the Center (Jeremy Wilkin) that he doesn't feel safe going, so the President offers to have the Thunderbirds (whom, as we have already established, are "GO") monitor action around the compound and make sure nothing sketchy is going on. This appears to calm the Captain's nerves, and the mission is on.

Our...heroes?

The Thunderbirds' commander, Jeff Tracy (Peter Dyneley), assigns one of his sons, Scott (Shane Rimmer), to cover Glenn Field, the site of the launch. He assigns his other two, Virgil (also Jeremy Wilkin) and Alan (Matt Zimmerman), to escort the new Zero-X until it leaves the atmosphere. With the plan set, all that's left to do is party.

Meanwhile, Lady Penelope (Sylvia Anderson), infiltrates the pre-launch press conference to get a tracking device, which is hidden in a St. Christopher's medal, onto Space Captain Martin's person. Because she's a sexy puppet, it works, and then she makes her way down to her car, where her driver, Parker (Davide Graham), awaits her orders and contemplates what the world would be like if he had a chin.

WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME?!

The next day, Lady Penelope's efforts to track Space Captain Martin are unsuccessful, and while Scott is checking on the crew before liftoff, he discovers that Space Captain Martin has been replaced by the same guy who blew up the last ship! The Hood (as he is referred to in the credits) pulls a gun on the group and runs away, but Lady Penelope spots him and she and Parker give chase, following him to a dock with a speedboat waiting. The Hood gets in the boat and is off, but he was not aware that Lady Penelope's car transforms into a boat, and they continue their pursuit. They follow him to an island, where a helicopter awaits the Hood, who immediately gets in and takes off. Parker, ready for some bloodshed but bound by some obscure rule that requires the other party to shoot first, has his gun (Rocket launcher? Machine gun?) sighted on the getaway vehicle. Once the Hood opens fire, the afternoon sky is lit up with explosions as the helicopter falls into the most flammable part of the ocean, it would seem.

Back at Glenn Field, the Zero-X takes off without any problems after Space Captain Martin is found, so Penelope invites Scott and Virgil to a club called "The Swinging Star" to party and see Cliff Richard and the Shadows. Jeff, however, is left behind to keep an eye on things, and promptly falls asleep and has a weird dream (which Jake interpreted as Jeff being worried the man in the moon wants to rape him) and wakes up the next day, having fallen out of bed.

No words. His expression says it all.

The six-week flight of Zero-X passes uneventfully, and the next thing you know, its crew is on the surface of Mars, where they hop into their rover and start blowing shit up. (These are Americans, after all.) This angers the natives--snake-like rock creatures that fire explosive balls out of their mouths. The crew takes the hint and, after a brief spin around the surface, decide it's time to get out of Dodge.

Upon re-entering Earth's atmosphere, the Zero-X crew attempts to reattach the remote-controlled wings they need to take off and land the ship. They get the first set on, but lose control of the second set, causing them to fall into the ocean and explode. The Thunderbirds are dispatched to see what help they can offer, and Space Captain Martin sends the rest of the crew to the escape pod again. However, the pod won't launch, so he contacts the Thunderbirds and tells them he will stay with the ship until things are functioning again.

I hate you so much, Craig.

The Thunderbirds hatch a plan that involves dangling Alan from a cable so he can fix the wiring of the escape pod, but when he drops his one and only screwdriver, it seems like all hope is lost, and Space Captain Martin and his crew will die a fiery death in the town square of Craigsville (North America's strategically-located source of guys named Craig for the entire United States). Or will they? Will Alan figure a way to work without the one screwdriver he thought to bring with him? If not, where will America get its Craigs? Do we get to see any of these puppets walk? And what was up with Jeff's tuxedo?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Derek was not impressed. Despite being a fan of the show, he feels that it did not translate to the big screen at all. But if you dig almost obscenely long panning shots of insanely detailed model buildings and ships, this could very well be the movie for you. So do what you will.

Jake straight-up hated this movie. It was long, ponderous, and had almost no conflict, once they killed the helicopter guy. He also thinks that this is the sort of film that happens when you let the model makers write the script. It was...not good. Not at all.

So put on your 1960s stewardess outfit or sparkly tuxedo, do not ask too many questions, and check out this week's episode!