Ten Funny Tweets Derek Has Re-Tweeted In The Past Week

Well, kids...As I haven't recorded a new podcast in a while*, I've decided to put one of my favorite segments from the show into a blog post so you can still enjoy some of the funny.

You see, I like Twitter. A big part of the reason I like it is because of its 140-character limit for posts. Oh, sure, you can cheat that by using platforms such as Long-Tweets or Twit Longer, but I consider that cheating the system. There's a certain amount of thought that has to go into compressing what you want to say into one or two sentences and still making your point.

It also makes Twitter a perfect place to write some one-liners.

I've spent many hours laughing out loud at the people on Twitter that are way funnier than I could ever hope to be. And, as a fan of these folks, I like to share their jokes on my podcast. And now I'm going to share them here, too. Let's have a look, shall we?

In no particular order:

If I’m ever in a coma, I fully expect each and every one of you to draw a dick on my face.

— Clarke Kant (@clarkekant) February 16, 2014

Cat is hissing at nothing in the kitchen. Based on horror movies I've seen nothing good can come of this, but I'm a white guy so I'll stay.

— The Gay Farmer Guy (@thegayfarmerguy) September 1, 2013

I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)

— Night Vale podcast (@NightValeRadio) February 14, 2014

"Describe yourself in three words" "Lazy"

— Ben Martin (@0point5twins) February 14, 2014

"911, what's your emerg-" "The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell" "Sir uteri is not plural for ute-" "TAMPI EVERYWHERE"

— LJ Initially (@Sickayduh) January 3, 2014

Adults never get excited anymore about how big I got since they last saw me :(

— Rasta Pasta (@RastaHipsta) February 22, 2014

I'm not aloof, I'm oblivious. Aloof would suggest I'm aware of things going on around me.

— SoulCoffin (@SoulYodeler) February 19, 2014

i'm watching american beauty and wowaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa look at that bag GO UgH this is my favorite LOOK AT IT GO AGAIN O SHIT

— SUN BAE (@sunfox69) February 8, 2014

I make fun of people Instagramming their food, but I forget that, during the Renaissance, lots of artists were just painting bowls of fruit.

— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) April 9, 2013

In the beginning there was nothing, and it was good. Everything since then is one colossal fuck up.

— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) February 20, 2014

And there we go. If you are already on Twitter, I would definitely recommend that you follow any of these funny folks. (And me, if for no other reason than to make a reasonable comparison of what funny is and what it is not.) If you're not on Twitter, then go. Now. Sign up. And show us your funny.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco

*There actually was a podcast recorded with Larry Sieczynski, but the SD card that it was recorded on is corrupted and the file is lost.