Return of the Living Dead Part II

To listen/download, click here!

Zombies! Is there anything they can't do? Horror...drama...comedy...

What's that you say? Zombies don't do comedy? Of course they do. For example, check out Billy Connolly in Fido. Great flick. Technically, you can also count the Deadites in Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness as zombies. So there's no reason to assume that comedy is not a viable genre for the differently-alive. And yet...

This time around, the guys sat down to watch Return of the Living Dead Part II. According to Larry and Jake, it is basically the same movie as Return of the Living Dead, so if you've seen that one, you can pretty much skip this description and just listen to the show.

For those of you who, like Derek, never saw the first one, it's the story of Jesse (Michael Kenworthy), a young boy who just wants to be part of the "cool" gang, which consists of Billy (Thor Van Lingen) and Johnny (Jason Hogan). After some brief haggling, a deal is struck, and Jesse is allowed in. But before he becomes a full member, he has to go through his initiation, which involves being locked in a mausoleum. He's not keen on the idea, but the others insist, shoving him inside. Jesse wisely attempts to find a way out, but falls and lands next to a rotting corpse.

At the same time, two grave robbers, Ed (James Karen) and Joey (Thom Mathews), are heading into the cemetery to go to work. Joey's girlfriend, Brenda (Suzanne Snyder), waits in the van.

Idiots.

Earlier, a military convoy is transporting barrels somewhere, but as the military is wont to do in this sort of film, nobody made sure the barrels were stored securely, and three of them fall off one of the truck. While two are recovered, one manages to fall into a nearby creek.

Ed and Joey enter the mausoleum, allowing Jesse to escape, and then they begin sawing off corpse heads, which appears to be the primary source of income for that particular job, as well as loot jewelry from the coffins. Joey is not sure he wants to do this after all, but Ed draws him back in with promises of a bracelet for Brenda.

Billy and Johnny see Jesse running, and they take after him, chasing him into the woods and down by the creek, where they discover the barrel that fell from the military truck. They pop off the cover on the bottom and find another cap, this one see-through, and a corpse's face presses against it. Jesse takes off, heading home.

Darn kids! No respect for the dead (in a barrel)!

Making it back home, Jesse is caught by his older sister, Lucy (Marsha Dietlein), who is supposed to be watching him, but is doing aerobics in front of the TV. She tells him he has to go up to his room and do his homework, but he has a different idea: he needs to alert the military about the barrel he and the other two boys found earlier. So he grabs a flashlight and heads out, sneaking past his sister, who is dealing with the cable guy, Tom (Dana Ashbrook), and his advances.

Billy and Johnny, meanwhile, sneak back to the barrel, as well, and start dicking with the keypad mounted on the side. After a quick guess, they crack the code and release a horrible green fog, which immediately starts wafting across the grounds of the cemetery and into the mausoleum, where Ed and Joey are taking their lunch break, only to have it interrupted by one of the corpses they cut the head off of sitting up and trying to attack Ed. They, quite logically, freak out and run away to the van, where Brenda is dealing with her own undead problems.

But Brenda knows how to handle that.

Jesse makes his way to the barrel and gets the number to call the military, is scared by Tarman (Allan Trautman)--from the first movie--and runs back home, only to be spotted by the cable guy, who tells Lucy. Lucy reacts like any reasonable sister-slash-babysitter would, and traps Jesse in his own room by tying a sheet between his bedroom door and the upstairs banister.

Left with no other option, Jesse tries doing homework, but as he looks out his window, he sees Billy and Jason come stumbling out from an alleyway, and realizes something is up. So he makes a smoke bomb with common items around his bedroom, and when Lucy comes to check on who there is smoke pouring from under his door, Jesse runs past and locks himself in Lucy's room so he can call the military.

Ed, Joey and Brenda, by now, have made their way to the same neighborhood, and they steal the cable guy's van so they can get out of town. Unfortunately, they are not very good at it, and they crash the van into a telephone box, cutting off phone lines all over, including in Lucy's bedroom, where Jesse was on hold, waiting for a general to talk to.

A neighbor comes out to check on the accident, and is attacked and eaten for his troubles. (The lesson here, kids, is never try to help anybody, ever.) Ed, Joey and Brenda run into Jesse's house, and Joey and Ed immediately start complaining that they don't feel well. After the head in the bag Ed had carried from the mausoleum starts moving around and is revealed to be the severed head, a bunch of zombies break in, and a decision is made to go to Doc Mandel's (Philip Bruns) and get his car. Doc is not too happy with that plan, but gives in when zombies break into his garage. The entire group piles into the car, and Tom drives through the garage door, running over a number of zombies, and they are on the road.

Not as dumb as the other idiots, but idiots, just the same.

When an attempt is made to leave town is blocked by the military, who have set up blockades to keep anybody from entering or leaving town, they go to the nearby hospital, where Doc attempts to treat Joey and Ed, while the others wander around and look for other people. Jesse is the only one to find anybody, and that body is dead. Death doesn't stop it from trying to kill Jesse, but Lucy shows up just in time to shoot it with a shotgun, splitting the body in half.

Jesse, Lucy and Tom return to the emergency room to hear Doc's diagnosis: Ed and Joey are dead. For their part, Ed and Joey do not agree. Neither does Brenda, who insists on take the two of them away from there to get some real help. They pile into Doc's car and take off, leaving the others to fend for themselves.

Brenda drives them to another part of town, where they meet a few more military men, who tell them to turn back. By now, Ed has turned into an actual zombie, albeit a really whiny one. When one of the soldiers checks on him, he attacks, eating that guy. The others open fire on him, but it doesn't do much good. Brenda and Joey get back in the car and drive away, with Joey trying to convince Brenda to let him eat her brains. She finally agrees after she jumps out of the car and runs into a nearby church. Problem solved.

But nothing can fix this problem.

Back at the hospital, Doc devises a plan to get rid of most of the zombies so they can get somewhere safe. If he only had some brains...

But what about Ed? Does he continue to live? Or do the military guys finally take him down? And how about Billy and Johnny? What happens with them? Does the military get things back under control? Does Lucy get to bounce some more? Will Tom get some action from her? Will the severed head from earlier come back again, inexplicably?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Jake likes it, although it's not super-high on his list of good movies. He liked the makeup, and he enjoyed the humor, but he hated the actors. And he is right to do so. Most of them are awful.

Larry is conflicted. He doesn't want to hate this movie because zombie flicks are kind of his thing. But he also can't help comparing it to the original movie, and it is found severely wanting.

Derek is the only one who saw this in the theater. He thought it was pretty fun. Not a great one, but entertaining. He is very, very angry about one of the final gags. See if you can guess which one!

So put on your running shoes and gas mask, remember to stretch before running, and check out this week's episode!