Critters II: The Main Course

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Four years ago, Jake threatened Derek and Larry with the 1986 movie that involved way too many talented actors working alongside what appeared to be angry porcupines with lots of teeth, Critters. And he made good on that threat.

And now, much like the bounty hunters (Terrence Mann as Ug and Randy Spears as "Nothingface" Lee) and their drunk friend Charlie McFadden (Don Opper), the guys have returned to the town of Grover's Bend for more Gremlins-adjacent carnage!

The above-mentioned bounty hunters receive a call from their boss, a talking testicle with arms, who informs them that they have to go back to Earth because they didn't kill off all of the Crites two years ago. Before they leave for Earth, Ug promotes Charlie to full-fledged bounty hunter, and then they're on their way.

Bounty hunters? Or extras from a Warrant video? YOU MAKE THE CALL!

On Earth, Brad (Scott Grimes) is on his way back to Grover's Bend for the first time since the Crite outbreak two years before, and he is there to visit his Nana (Herta Ware) for Easter. He left because the entire town believed he was responsible for what happened. (Nobody's complaining about Billy Zane being gone, either, but you don't see him showing up and ruining everything.) When he gets there, he sees Megan (Liane Curtis), a former classmate who now helps her father run the local paper, being harassed by Wesley (Tom Hodges). Brad intervenes and sends Wesley packing. To show her gratitude, Megan offers Brad a ride to Nana's, where Nana is badgering the small children the watches about eating healthier.

Wesley, meanwhile, has contacted Quigley (Douglas Rowe) about buying some weird-looking eggs he found in a barn. Quigley is interested, and a deal for beer is made, which Wesley alters slightly by grabbing some of Quigley's vintage Playboy magazines. Quigley, in turn, contacts Nana, who wants to buy the eggs for the church's Easter egg hunt that's happening the next day.

The bounty hunters arrive on Earth, and Charlie, like a pig to a truffle, finds one a Playboy magazine that fell off of Wesley's truck as it drove by. Lee sees the centerfold and decides to turn into the woman in the magazine (Roxanne Kernohan).

Their quarry: These happy little dudes.

At the church, dozens of elderly women paint the eggs, completely unaware of what's inside them, for the next day. Nana also harangues Sheriff Corwin (David Ursin) into dressing up as the Easter bunny. He's not psyched about it, but he agrees anyway.

The next day, things go bad when the eggs start hatching, and Sheriff Corwin is the first victim, dying in the Easter bunny suit as he tries to fix the zipper. The bounty hunters arrive in town just as the Crites, having smelled food, lay waste to The Hungry Heifer, a restaurant in town. Ug and Lee rush in and attack the Crites, killing a number of them, and then are confronted by the manager (Eddie Deezen--the real hero of this film), who demands to know who will pay for the damages. Lee, taking in the heroic, manly form of Deezen, decides that he is the right form to take, and does so, leading to an upsetting visual of Deezen in thigh-high leather boots and a bikini top chasing after the Crites.

Star power!

Megan and Brad head to Quigley's to find out where he got the eggs, only to discover he has been killed by the Crites. Their next stop is the outskirts of town to contact Harv (Barry Corbin), who had been the sheriff back during the first attack, and was voted out of office immediately after. They ask for his help, and he responds that there is no way he is going to help the town after the way they treated him. Then he hops in his car and leaves.

 That evening, Lee turns back into the Playboy centerfold (thanks to Charlie, who keeps her from turning into Freddy Kruger at the last moment. They keep tracking the Crites, and Lee wanders into an ambush, where the Crites kill and eat her.

If only he had let her be Freddy...

Ugg drops back into Nothingface form out of depression, and Charlie has to bring him back to the church, where everyone in town is hiding from the Crites.

At the church, the men are taking turns keeping watch, and one of them is eaten pretty quickly. Brad, despondent about Harv not coming back with him, goes outside to have a look around, only to find the guy who was eaten moments before. Just as he's about to be attacked himself, he is saved by Harv, who decided to give the townsfolk another chance and also shoot a lot of tiny monsters. The to of them return to the church and offer up a plan to everyone else, but are interrupted when an elderly local points out that it's probably no coincidence that this is happening just as Brad has returned. Pushing on, a plan is made, involving the Hungry Heifer meat processing plant in town, a pile of cheeseburgers, and some explosives. (Conveniently located at the local hardware store!) But will it work?

Inquiring minds want to know!

Will the Crites, convinced that there's free food available, forego humans for tasty burger-y goodness? Will Brad and the others manage too kill all the Crites? Will all the buttons on Harv's sheriff shirt hold until the end? Will Charlie ever not look like he just stepped out of a sweat lodge filled with beer farts? And will Magan ever give Brad a chance to play some tonsil hockey?

You'll have to tune in to find out!

Derek actually enjoyed this movie. He even liked it more than the original. He was also pleased to see Eddie Deezen in there. His obsession with Deezen and Clint Howard is really starting to worry the rest of us. Please send help.

Jake liked it, too, but not as much, In fact, he thinks that each time he watches it, it gets worse, compared to the original, which he feels gets better each time. He has some real issues that he is going to have to work out.

Larry was sick, so he didn't make it to the recording.

So put on your 80s hair and pleather space outfit, fire up the grill, and check out this week's episode!