Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted last Week

Hey, gang! It's that time again!

HOWEVER...I wanted to take a quick moment to wish my youngest son, Nigel, a very happy 16th birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NIGEL!

"When 900-years-old you reach...Nevermind. You're pretty much there already, dad..."

Good lord and butter...All of my kids are now officially of driving age. But I refuse to make myself feel old because of it. Besides, they are happy to do it for me.

Anyway, it's time to throw a bunch of Twitter wackiness at you, and I think I've grabbed a few good ones. And, as always, if you want to find even more funny, by all means, join us over there and laugh until your guts hurt!

And so, in no particular order...

If I were Batman, 40% of my utility belt would be sandwiches.

— Kyle (@TheLevelArc) May 13, 2014

Smokey: Only YOU can prevent forest fires! Me: HOLY FUCK A TALKING BEAR

— Terry F (@daemonic3) June 30, 2014

Having recalled every vehicle they ever made, GM recalled 83,000 Fords today.

— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) July 1, 2014

I don't care how I end up as long as my Wikipedia page has a section marked "Tank Rampage".

— Patrick Brennan (@Pat_Bren) February 5, 2014

...and, if you think THAT'S fucking hysterical, watch this! *my last words, most likely*

— Jewcy Peach Jules (@JulesC70) July 3, 2014

What if all this time Gary Busey really is aware of his surroundings? We'll feel really bad.

— TYPO NEGATIVE (@typ0negative) July 3, 2014

Martha, why did u shave a flawless likeness of John Goodman into my chest hair? Why did u do this? Why do you look into his eyes & not mine?

— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) July 1, 2014

July 4th. 5 am. Biden runs into Obama's bedroom screaming "Can we open presents now?!"

— Adam Zopf (@adamzopf) July 4, 2014

(Amelia Earhart spoonfeeding her kids) Here comes the plane! Nyooooom-nyooooo---(spoon disappears) THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS, WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN

— Ace... Ace? (@AceMakesWords) June 27, 2014

True story: I saw 2 fat guys get in a shoving fight at the donut shop this morning. Also true: I kept yelling "use your diabetes on him!!"

— Heath (@DaHess1) April 20, 2013

And there you have it! Here's to an awesome week for all of you! And let me try to help it along with this cooking show parody video I made with my kids, starring Nigel and Vaughn. (Caleb was our light and camera guy.) It's called "Make It Edible". Enjoy!



Have a great week!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco