Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

White people be crazy!

A radical statement, certainly. However, events last week in Keene, New Hampshire during their #PumpkinFest celebration go a long way toward proving exactly that.

You see, it turns out that some New Englanders don't just get all nuts when, say, the Red Sox beat the Yankees in the World Series, or when the Bruins win at all. In the new tradition of people going apeshit over pumpkin-flavored things in Autumn, a bunch of them started destroying and looting because, er, pumpkins, I guess.

Naturally, the Twitterverse took full advantage to point out the similarities and differences between the rioting there and the peaceful protesting happening in #Ferguson, Missouri. The difference that really caught my eye (aside from the lack of military-style crowd control equipment in New Hampshire) is how the African-American people in Ferguson are referred to as "thugs" and "looters", while the white people in Keene are called "revelers".

The Great Pumpkin's spokesperson responded, "We do not negotiate with terrorists."

Anyway, crazy white folks aside, the fine folks at Twitter were in solid form last week, and I had a ton of tweets to go through. The worst part was deciding which ones to skip over. But, for better or worse, this is the ten I'm giving you. (In no particular order.)

some guy walked up next to me with a shirt saying "free hugs" while im wearing my "Hugs $1.99" shirt. fuck you man im starving here

— Hot Dog (@AwesomeTurbo) October 16, 2014

when will you be home ? I drank 3 slim fasts & im Im buying dogs on eBay , I shouldn't be alone

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 20, 2014

The most "metal" thing I've seen in Norway: crazy statue of a naked man breaking free from a gang of naked babies: pic.twitter.com/ifRFT9n5ha

— Mike Senese (@msenese) October 20, 2014

"Welcome to McDonald's, how may I take your order?" "Begrudgingly, I would imagine."

— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) October 7, 2014

Waiting for a flu shot at a discount store. No nice needles; they dip a pencil in the vaccine and jam it in your arm.

— James Lileks (@Lileks) October 23, 2014

What do you mean you don't know what Care Bear would win in a fist fight? Get off me, this sex is over.

— Evil Noodles (@Dawn_M_) October 21, 2014

Quit calling my vagina Grimace.

— cheddar biscuits (@cheddarbiskit) October 25, 2014

Andy Serkis signs up for Thundercats movie pic.twitter.com/i3EGeZ7p4c

— Rich the Ripper (@cheekyricardo) October 25, 2014

My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.

— pig (@_sweet_ham) April 20, 2014

My wife has left me to my own devices for dinner. In the refrigerator is about four pounds of cheese. I think we all know what happens next.

— John Scalzi (@scalzi) October 23, 2014

And there you have it!

Now, before we head out with our usual video clip, let me just wish all of you an awesome Halloween! Have fun and don't eat too much candy! Have a great week! And let's start it out with this nightmare-inducing video from Weird Al Yankovic!

All the best,

Derek and Bosco