Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Another fun week, another batch of funny tweets!

There was a lot going on this past week, including homophobic religious nutbag Kim Davis being released from jail after five of the six clerks in her Rowan County, Kentucky office began issuing marriage licenses again, including to gay couples. The sixth clerk, Davis' son, still refused to do so.

Davis is back to "work" today, still refusing to issue licenses, although she says she will not stop her clerks from doing so. This presents a few issues, not the least of which is whether licenses issued by her office, but unsigned by her, are legitimate. All this hassle and bullshit because this hateful, classless twat is reading a book that has been misinterpreted and cherry-picked to justify being that way.

Now with pictures!

Also, Rick Perry has dropped out of the vast field of people running for the GOP presidential nomination. Perry, who earlier this year announced his entrance into the race by saying God told him to run, suspended his campaign after the tide of money quickly dried up faster than the vaginas of any unfortunate women who unknowingly Googled "Santorum" without first talking to their more internet-savvy friends.

This is the least offensive image of it I could find.

So now the field is down to something like 184 people running for the GOP nomination. And just think: We've got another year of this to sit through!

Meanwhile, over on the Democratic side, the two people anyone is paying attention to--Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders--are casually sitting by, waiting for the GOP thing to implode while they sip mimosas and try to figure out whether the vice president is going to run.

And over in Twitterland, people continue to make with the funny! So what say we have a look at it, won't we? In no particular order...

Batman: I stalk the night like a bat. Robin: So? Batman: What do you do like a robin, bird boy? Robin: I took a shit on your car.

— Batcave Banter (@BatcaveBanter) September 7, 2015

Oh baba bia baba bia, baba bia let be go Beelzebub has a devil put aside for be, for BE, FOR BEEEE! #BohemianRhapsodyWithACold

— John Moe (@johnmoe) September 7, 2015

I haven't had phone sex per se, but I have masturbated while on hold to Dominos Pizza.

— Vanilla (@djr_102) March 2, 2015

It breaks my heart to think that in regions of sub-Saharan Africa, there are whole villages separated from Kevin Bacon by almost 7 degrees.

— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) August 17, 2015

Play Guitar on Campus Man has emerged from his '89 Ford Taurus for mating season pic.twitter.com/cP6H4psvk6

— Bad Things Disliker (@timonator98) September 9, 2015

[hands you a kazoo covered in mayonnaise] welcome to the university of phoenix

— knth (@painted_eel) September 2, 2015

Four and twenty half-charred blackbirds swarm from beneath the broken pie crust, thirsty for vengeance.

— SpaceGirl Incognito (@iamspacegirl) July 23, 2015

“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.

— Michael Pearce (@exador86) September 11, 2015

Unless your pants & shirt are made of living wolverines & piranhas, I really don't want to hear the outfit described as "fierce."

— Tony (@Tmoney68) September 2, 2015

Breaking: Sony announces yet another Fantastic Four reboot pic.twitter.com/st2C4r7qP7

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) September 8, 2015

And there you have it!

That about wraps it up for me over here. I've got to start editing this week's episode of Here Be Spoilers (we watched The Room) and try to cobble together something interesting for our 50th episode. So get out there and have an awesome week. (Also, if you get a chance, take a look at this post I wrote about last week's movie, The Last Man on Earth, in which I argue that the entire movie took place in the lead character's mind,) And to kick it off, here's a neat little clip that Larry told me about. It's not so much funny as it is mind-bendingly awesome. Dig it.

All the best,
Derek and Bosco