September 3, 2015

Signs

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Remember back in the crazy days of the early 2000's, when M. Night Shyamalan could release a movie and people actually got excited about it, based solely on the fact that he directed it? We were still floating on the heady rush of his ability to make Bruce Willis seem almost likeable in Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense.

Following those two films, he wrote, directed, produced, and probably catered Signs, starring a pre-publically racist Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix (more on him later), Abigail Breslin, and Rory, one of the lesser Culkin children.

We are very excited to be here.
After his daughter discovers crop circles in the family cornfield, former minister Graham Hess (Gibson) and his brother(-in-law?) Merrill (Phoenix) try to figure out just what the heck is going on.

Graham's kids, Morgan (Culkin) and Bo (Breslin), are way smarter than those two, though, and they've already got a pretty good idea what's up:

Don't you shake your head like that. You knew this was coming,
As mysterious lights begin to show up around the world, Merrill sits in a closet, watching it all unfold on TV.

Graham, meanwhile, struggles with his lack of faith, which he lost after his wife was killed in a hit-and-run accident a while back. (Funny story: It was Ray, a friend and former member of Graham's church, and played by the director, who fell asleep at the wheel and plowed into Graham's wife. Okay, so it wasn't funny. Shut up.)

The kids...Well, they have their own way of dealing with things.

Disguising themselves as Hershey Kisses.
When a baby monitor starts receiving communications between alien ships, the family realizes that they are closing in, and the decide to hide out and hope the aliens are just going to maybe steal their cereal and leave.

And maybe poop on their floor.
No such luck. One of them tries to kidnap Morgan, and Merrill goes after it with a baseball bat. His aim is terrible, and he ends up just hitting a lot of half-full glasses of water, but by a lucky coincidence water hurts the aliens, so that's a lucky break.

Other stuff happens, including a bilocating sheriff's deputy, angry spaghetti, and intensely bland acting!

Derek is fixated on Mel Gibson's "I am insane with anger!" yell, and references it many times throughout the show. He is also deeply amused by the way Jake pronounces Joaquin Phoenix's name.

Jake insists that he knows what the obligatory Shyamalan twist is, but after much discussion, neither he nor the others are able to confidently claim this is the case.

Larry (as well as the others) cannot help but be amazed by Abigail Breslin's performance. Not only is she cute as a little button, but she also acts circles around Culkin, and even manages to give Mel freakin' Gibson a run for his money!

Rory Culkin stops Mel Gibson from ruining another scene by ranting about
"the goddamn Jews" again.
There's also Star Wars news in The Lobby, new movies Coming Soon, Hollywood Purgatory, Larry's List, One Thing, and a game of Heads Up with Larry.