September 28, 2016

Piranha

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This week, the guys sat down to watch the 2010 reboot of the Roger Corman classic, Piranha, starring Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd,Ving Rhames, Jerry O'Connell, Steven R. McQueen, Eli Roth, Adam Scott, Paul Scheer, and Richard Dreyfuss, who was given top billing, despite the fact that he was only in the movie for about two minutes. There are also several thousand others, but really, they're pretty much there to be eaten by super-mean fish.

Say, baby...
It's Spring Break! So, naturally, thousands of teens on the verge of alcohol poisoning have converged on Lake Victoria, where they also run the risk of contracting literally hundreds of STDs, dying from overdoses, and, this time around, being eaten by angry prehistoric fish with a bad outlook on life.
But beautiful smiles.
Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue), along with Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames), are doing their best to contain the insanity, but are unavoidably diverted to investigate the death of a fisherman (Richard Dreyfuss) whose body has turned up almost completely skeletonized, so Julie enlists her son, Jake (Steven R. McQueen), to babysit his younger siblings while she takes a dive team out to find clues.
But moooommmmm!
Jake, who is madly in love with a girl from his school, Kelly (Jessica Szohr), is sidetracked by Derrick (Jerry O'Connell) and his cameraman Andrew (Paul Scheer), who want him to be their guide around town, so Jake pays off his little brother and sister to babysit themselves while he traipses around town, following Kelly to make sure she doesn't get involved in Derrick's horrible "Girls Gone Wild"-esque stupidity. That works briefly, but once Kelly gets a few shots of tequila in her, sh appears to be down for doing anything with anybody. Further proving what a lightweight she is, Kelly parties hard for about ten minutes before barfing over the side of the rented boat they're on, and then retiring to the cabin, where she stays for the rest of their trip.
Gross! It's that guy from Sliders!

Right about this time, everything goes to hell, and the titular piranhas begin eating everybody in sight.
No, really.
From this point, there's really not much more to add to the story. There's tits everywhere, blood everywhere, and Sheriff Julie has to rescue Jake and his idiot friends while leaving Deputy Fallon to handle thousands of people being eaten by thousands of angry fish. Ving Rhames being Ving Rhames, he does his part by hacking just about every single one of them to bits with an outboard boat motor.
Two words: Bad. Ass.

The rest of the movie is just loads and loads of gore. Really. That's pretty much it. There is, however, a pretty cool setup for the sequel!
SPOILER: not appearing in the sequel.
Jake picked this one, and he was right to do so. He is happy to point out that the gore effects are done by the amazingly talented folks at KNB Effects, but the CGI piranhas were...somewhat lacking. He also says that the overall feel of the film harkens back to the horror films of the late 70s and early 80s. He's right. And it's awesome.

Derek absolutely despises Jerry O'Connell. So much so, in fact, that he refused to remember his name throughout the whole show, despite the fact that the only difference between O'Connell's character's name and his own amounts to, essentially, a typo. But seriously, fuck that guy.

Larry is super-impressed with the gore effects, too. He was, however, upset that there was nobody in the movie with his name, so Derek found a random person in one of the shots and declared that that guy was the Larry of the film. Everybody was happy with that choice.

So put on your swin trunks, shake what your mother gave you, and download this week's episode!
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September 26, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Autumn is here! And with it comes all those things we hate, like UGG boots, pumpkin spice everything, and, for me, nasal infections.

But it also ushers in things we do like, such as bonfires, trips to the apple orchard, Halloween...

And other stuff.

Anyway, another week has come and gone. And, because I decided to avoid talking about Trump, I feel pretty darn good. Unfortunately, as I type this, the first debate between him and Hillary Clinton is about 45 minutes away, so I figure now would be a good time to mention a few small things before it starts.

To keep things light, I've added some GIFs from the television show Psych. I love that show. And if you have a problem with that, I have only this to say:

Word.
So let's get started.

First off, there appears to be some sort of epidemic recently involving hurting people at malls. As a guy who spends an inordinate amount of time being at a mall, I'd appreciate it if we could just kinda cut that out, because getting shot and/or stabbed would just really put a crimp in my plans of living long enough to see an actual real hoverboard, as opposed to the so-called hoverboards we have now, which are essentially motorized sideways skateboards that occasionally catch on fire while charging. (If they would only burst into flames when hipsters and other douche-intensive people are actually using them, that would solve two problems at once!)

Anyway, the point of all that is, please don't come and shoot up my mall. Thanks.

Shawn and Gus never got the hang of gang signs.
Speaking of douche-intensive people, Donald Trump, Jr. posted this on Twitter last week, freshly lifted from an alt-right website, because those wacky Trumps just can't stay away from those sites!

Are the orange ones Trump family members?
Needless to say, people pointed out just how asinine it was, but then other stuff came to light, such as the fact that the copyrighted photo was stolen from an immigrant photographer's website. That guy wasn't thrilled. But in the immediate backlash of the post, folks on Twitter stood their ground while awaiting a statement from the one source that could clear all of this up.

Skittles eventually did respond, stating that refugees are people, not candy, so the analogy was ridiculous, and Skittles would comment no further.

What a time to be alive!

Now if USA Network would just bring back Psych.
Meanwhile, I spent some time exposing the disturbing reach that some companies have into our lives. It goes further than you might think.

Along the way, I also took the time to dispense a bit of my own sage wisdom to the benefit of others.

I have more wisdom. Go ahead and ask me stuff. I'll give answers like nobody's business!

No, really!
And then there were tweets...A lot of really good ones! And I took it upon myself to get on Twitter and pick the ones that best represent the insane fun over there. And I did it. Not for the glory, but for you, dear reader, so that you might be inclined to join us over there and contribute.

In no particular order...

And there you have it! Not a bad one among them.

Go ahead and celebrate with me.
Now get out there and have a great week. And to start you off, here's a clip of the kick-ass theme song from Psych.


One final note to remember:


And with that, I'm outta here.

Mmm...Tacos...
All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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September 21, 2016

Cutthroat Island Jason X

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A note from Derek:

 Okay, look...I know I said I picked Cutthroat Island for this episode, but I just couldn't do it. Not because the movie was bad, as such, but because it wasn't really anything. I tried watching it once last week, only to fall asleep within fifteen minutes of viewing. I tried a second time a few days later, and I saw the whole thing. And now, only a few days after, I cannot remember a single thing about it. That should tell you what you need to know.

Literally, the most exciting thing in the movie, and even this is kinda "blah".

So I decided to call an audible for this week's show. I was not going to sit and watch this movie again, and chose Jason X, which is infinitely better and, in my opinion, far more entertaining. To soften the blow for Larry and Jake, I also snuck Troy Parker over to join us, and it turns out he loves Jason X, too, so it was a win all around!

Sparks were flying!
Anyway, let's do this. -- Derek

*****

 This week, the guys sat down to watch Jason X, the tenth installment in the Friday the 13th series. It stars Kane Hodder as Jason, and although it's goofy as shit--Jason In Space, essentially--he plays it like the raging, silent serial killer we all know and love.

It is, it seems, immediately after the events of Jason Goes to Hell, although it is unclear as to how Jason is alive again, as he was last seen on the bottom of Crystal Lake. However, he's back and has been captured by a government organization that appears to be headed by evil Egon Spengler (David Cronenberg), who wants to study Jason's rapid cell regeneration.

A scientist, Rowan (Lexa Doig), thinks it's an extremely bad idea, and Jason should be destroyed or, at the very least, stuck right where he is, chained to the ceiling in a big ol' empty warehouse.

So he can learn to be all murdery in a responsible way.
Unfortunately, nobody bothered to ask Jason what he wanted to do, and so he takes matters into his own hands, killing the one guard who they have put in charge of this apparently immortal pile of hate and rage. When the others come to see Jason, they find the dead guy, and are almost all chopped into a fine, bloody mist.

The only exception is Rowan, who manages to get her hands on a gun and shoots Jason to get his attention. As expected, it works and he angrily lurches toward her, unaware that he is stepping into a cryostasis chamber. Rowan locks him inside, happy with herself and the job she has done, until Jason, who is, again, a mass of pissed-off murdery-ness, uses his hate-strength to stab her through the cryochamber door with his favorite machete. This causes the chamber to leak, freezing both of them until...

445 years later, when a teacher (Jonathan Potts as Professor Lowe) and a group of cardboard cutouts masquerading as his students visit  Earth (they all live on Earth II, which, while a healthier planet, everyone agrees it is not as good as the original), they find the chamber, Jason, and Rowan. Rowan is still alive-ish, and Jason is a murder-cicle, so they load them onto their shuttle and take both up the the main ship, where the students revive Rowan with the application of nanotechnology, chainmail bedclothes, and underpants removal. Another student is left to dig out gross things from inside Jason's eyehole. Needless to say, he comes alive and takes it kind of personally.

This scene is truly smashing.
Thus begins a new trail of dead bodies, but this time there's not nearly as many places to run away because, well, the endless vacuum of space is your only other option.

Fortunately for Professor Lowe and his students, the ship they're on comes standard with a team of space marines who are supposed to be able to protect you from exactly this sort of situation. Their sergeant, Brodski (Peter Mensah), is a pretty level-headed guy whose priority is the safety of the people on the ship, even if one of them is an insufferable dickweed who wants to keep Jason alive and sell him on some sort of black market or something.

Brodski's compromise: Let me filet this guy and then you can sell him.
The other space marines are quickly turned to soup, and even Brodski gets kebabed, leaving everyone's fate at the hands of a guy with a hockey mask who, let's be honest, is not really a people person.

And a combination murderbot/sexbot that one of those kooky kids built.
When it looks as though all is lost, one of the students (Chuck Campbell as Tsunaron) instructs his android, KM-14 (Lisa Ryder), to kick the shit out of Jason. She does exactly that, shooting off his murderin' arm, one of his legs, and a solid three-quarters of his head. Problem solved.

OR IS IT?!?
Funny thing: All that awesome technology that brought Rowan back from the dead, also does the same for Jason, going so far as to rebuild most of his body and his entire head, and encasing it all in bulletproof metal!

Uber-Jason's first act is to punch off KM-14's head. Literally.

The gang's next move is to try and stop at a colony out in space. Let's look at that closer, shall we?

Here is a ship with a murderous lunatic onboard, and he is more-or-less confined, albeit with a small group of people who are not half-robotic murderers, so bad for them. However, taking it to a colony would introduce Jason to a whole new pile of people to murder to death. Probably not the wisest move.

Of course, they could always try to distract him while they escape.
Unfortunately, they are unable to stop the ship in time because Jason has murdered their pilot, so the ship plows through the colony, essentially killing every single person in there anyway.

They then find that Brodski is alive and, with his help, they put a whole bunch of explosives in the corridors linking the two sides of the ship because the other side is leaking oxygen. The explosion separates the sections, but Jason manages to get onto the one the students are on, and he wants a little bit of retribution.

After making contact with another ship in the area, they make plans to escape and leave Jason on their own ship. When the ship finally arrives, the survivors attempt to leave, but the door won't open. It has to be repaired before they can leave, so Brodski volunteers. And in order to keep Jason distracted, they use a holodeck to make him believe that he is back at Crystal Lake, where he sees some campers who invite him to "drink beer, smoke pot, and have premarital sex...We love premarital sex!"

Jason responds accordingly.

Remember, kids: Premarital sex can kill you!
This is just enough of a distraction for the kids to get to the rescue ship and see their own ship explode in a ball of fire, debris, and one very unhappy serial killer, who comes flying through space to get them. Fortunately, they are saved when Brodski, who was left outside when the explosion happened, maneuvers himself into position to tackle Jason and basically wakeboard on his body down through the planet's atmosphere, where they are quickly, and amusingly, deep fried.

Could this be the end of Jason?

No. No it isn't. But it is for this movie...

Derek picked this movie and absolutely loves it because it is so damn goofy. His favorite Jason kill of all time is the whole sleeping back thing (see above), which needs to be viewed in its entirety to be properly enjoyed.

Larry also loves the movie, and he thinks you should watch it. A lot. All the time. Seriously, stop reading this and go watch it. Then watch it again. He'll wait.

Jake digs this movie, although it's not his favorite. He also has a fascinating theory about Jason's junk which truly has to be heard to be appreciated. You will never be able to watch one of these movies the same way again.

Troy was shocked and pleased to discover this was the movie Derek picked because it was the first horror movie he snuck into as a kid. This was the first time he'd seen it since then, and he had forgotten how silly and fun it was.

So sharpen up your machete, put on your hockey mask, and take a stab at this week's episode!
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September 19, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Okay, guys. I'm not doing it. I'm not tweeting about Angry Orange this week. Tired of it. Need a break. Fuck that clown.

So, instead, I'm going to talk about one thing, and then do the list. But I still grabbed a bunch of cool animations to celebrate Adam West's birthday, which is today. Happy birthday to the first Batman I ever knew!

Adam West...That's who.
So...whaddaya say we get started?

You are feeling verrrry sleeeeepy...
Of course, the biggest news story of the week is the explosion that happened Saturday night in New York. And the failed one that sorta fizzled earlier that day in New Jersey. And the other one in New York that didn't happen because some homeless guys found the backpack the bomb was in and called the police.

Dramatic re-enactment.
The explosion in Chelsea injured 29 people, but fortunately nobody was killed. The one major casualty was a dumpster, but authorities are in agreement that the dumpster was kind of a dick, so no big loss, really. The other bombs didn't hurt anybody, so what I think we can take away from all this is that the guy responsible for all of this is kind of an incompetent idiot.

Impressions, too? Is there nothing Adam West can't do?!
This theory was further proven when, a mere 36 hours after the explosion in Chelsea, the guy was caught after being identified when he fell asleep in the doorway of a bar in New Jersey. After a brief chase, he was shot three times and taken into custody. And good riddance to the puckered sphincter of a human being who would do something like that.

This is one of two GIFs I have where Batman wears shorts outside his costume. WHY?!
And let's not forget to give a big ol' nod, a thumbs-up, and a hearty handshake to all the police and other first-responders who jumped into action as soon as some sort of danger was found. Those guys rock. If you see one, say thanks. Maybe buy their coffee or lunch for 'em. Let them know they're appreciated, okay?

Here's the other one. I don't remember this episode, but I will watch it soon.
That said, let's us look at a bunch of tweets I was lucky enough to have read over on Twitter, shall we? And if you dig them, c'mon over and join us to throw in your words!

In no particular order...


And there you have it! Now get out there and have an awesome, less explodey week! And to help it along, here's a Foo Fighters video.


Enjoy the rest of the week!

Down, Bosco! Down!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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September 12, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey, everybody!

Look, I know I've been going on a lot about Trump lately, and I've been wanting to branch out a bit and cover some other stuff. So, if you'll bear with me, I'm gonna give it a try. However, there are still some Trump-related things, because like anything you get used to doing, you can't just up and quit without a little transition.

To help me along in this transition, and in celebration of the release this week of Captain America: Civil War on home video, I'm going to employ some nifty Iron Man animations to show whose side I'm on. Now let's suit up and see what's going on out there!

That's better.
Last week, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton went head-to-head at the Commander-In-Chief Forum, which was essentially an interview with both of the candidates--separately--conducted by hard-hitting journalist Matt Lauer, who, as you may recall, is one of the hosts of that bastion of relentlessly dogged information gathering, The Today Show.


Naturally, Lauer got right down to business, first by spending almost half of the thirty minutes Hillary Clinton was getting to ask her about the e-mail non-scandal that has been dismissed by all but the most ridiculous followers of Trump and the GOP. When he went on to ask her actual questions about national security, and then interrupted her for every answer and told her to hurry up because they didn't have much time left.

When it came time to interview Trump, the interview took an turn, with Lauer asking a few questions and then letting Trump ramble on for what felt like hours without interrupting him.


It really wasn't pretty. But what was pretty was the smackdown Hillary offered up to GOP chairman Raunch Pabulum (I think that's how it's spelled), who tried to convince us all that Hillary should have been sporting a Joker-like grin while discussing Iraq and stuff like that.


That's gonna leave a mark.

Aaaaand boom goes the dynamite.
Of course, this is something that Hillary and her followers are getting used to, although more and more people are making noise about the fact that she is not really being treated equally in these situations. In fact, one newsperson (sorry, I can't remember who) straight-up admitted that Hillary is being held to a higher standard because Trump is a first-timer. What the actual hell?

Case in point: Last week Hillary gave a speech in which she referred to half of Trump's supporters as "a basket of deplorables". An interesting turn of phrase, to be sure, but hardly worse than Trump saying that Mexicans are drug dealers and rapists. Or that Muslims should be deported. Or that women are stupid. Or that African-Americans are lazy. Or...well, you get the idea.

Anyway, when Hillary made the "basket of deplorables" comment, the GOP and Trump's fans went apeshit, demanding an apology. These are the same people who chant "Shoot the bitch!" at Trump rallies. But, apparently, referring to them as racist, xenophobic, misogynists hurts their tiny little feelings. Personally, I think it was an error, too...


I'd guess it's closer to 80%, but that's just me.

Thank you! I'll be here all week!
When not freaking about Hillary spitefully pointing out truthful things, they insist she is on her last legs. And this weekend, she was apparently completely off them because she stumbled getting into her ride after attending a 9/11 memorial service and had to be helped inside.


Now, for a few weeks, the GOP has been nearly apoplectic because she had a cough. Clearly, this was some sort of symptom of the head injury she suffered years ago and was treated and cleared for back then, so it's obvious she's dying as we watch her and will waste away long before election day, right?

Or it could just be a touch of walking pneumonia. Either way, the GOP feel that she should totally just quit running right now. Trump, especially, is wanting this to happen because if she manages to survive (probably with the installation of an Iron Man-style arc reactor? See? I can tie all this into my animations...), he will have to face her, a talented speaker with a lot of political knowledge, in the three planned debates, although he is certain that the whole thing is rigged anyway.

A dramatization of a possible debate without moderators.
Now, on to other stuff.

The new iPhone 7 was unveiled last week, and it seems to me, an Android user with zero interest in Apple products, that they've run out of ideas for stuff to add, and have now decided to take things away. This model, in fact, no longer has a headphone jack, so you have to give them more money so you can own their wireless earbuds.


Suck it convenience!

Apple's new spokesperson explains their marketing strategy.
Now let's look at some tweets! These come from the fine folks over on Twitter, one of which is the hilarious @BourgeousAlien, who is consistently funny, Check her out, if you're heading that way.

So...Tweets...In no particular order.


And there you have it! Now go have an awesome week! And to start it off, here's a clip from the Avengers blooper reel.


Heroes and stuff!

Too late, dude. We're finished.
All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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September 7, 2016

Fright Night

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Remember back when vampires were scary? those glorious days before a bunch of pale, mopey teens spent their time pining for love and sparkling? Nosferatu, 1931's Dracula...all the way up to Salem's Lot, The Lost Boys, and today's movie, Tom Holland's 1985 classic, Fright Night. Great times.

You see this movie, along with so many other great ones asserts that vampires are basically blood-drinking hate machines with rage boners who seek nothing more than to feed their various lusts.

And possibly a recommendation for a good oral care specialist.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves...

Charlie (William Ragsdale) is a typical 80s teenager. He just wants to get laid. His girlfriend, Amy (Amanda Bearse), is willing to offer up her good stuff, but it seems that the only time she's really into it is when Charlie is distracted by his new neighbor Jerry (Chris Sarandon) moving coffins around in the evening--a total mood killer.

Conversely, when Charlie's good to go, Amy tries to distract him further with a television show called Fright Night (what are the odds?), hosted by Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall), a former horror film star who specialized in vampire-themed movies. And while you might think this back-and-forth would lead to a wacky but emotional romantic teen movie, you would be incredibly wrong. What were you thinking?

Baseball! I was thinking about baseball!
Charlie jumps almost immediately to the conclusion that his neighbor is a vampire, and it is confirmed when Charlie witnesses Jerry about to drain a prostitute of her blood while taking her to Pound Town. Unfortunately for Charlie, nobody else sees this and, therefore, nobody is willing to believe him, including Amy.

Left with no alternative, Charlie goes to Evil Ed (Stephen Geoffreys), a fellow student who seems to know a lot about how to kill vampires for some reason. Evil offers some advice, including not inviting a vampire into your home.

Of course, when Charlie goes home, he discovers Jerry in the house, having been invited there by Charlie's mother (Dorothy Fielding), a strange woman who disappears from the movie after only three or four scenes.

After a late-night attack on from Jerry in which Charlie gets tossed around like a ragdoll but manages to escape death with a No. 2 pencil, Charlie thinks it's time to up his game with some professional help...

Well...sort of.
Charlie visits the television studio to convince Vincent to help him take down the new vampire next door. For his part, Vincent handles it much better than the average person might, especially one who has just been fired from his job, but still declines to be a part of this nonsense.

When Charlie goes back to Amy and Evil to tell them what happened, they talk Vincent into administering a "test" to Jerry by having him drink fake holy water. After a quick call to Jerry, who has a very suspicious list of demands, even for something as ridiculous as this sounds, plans are made to conduct the test and prove to Charlie that Jerry is not a vampire.

Totally a vampire.
Jerry passes the "test", but then Vincent notices that Jerry does not cast a reflection in a mirror, and suddenly Vincent is on Charlie's side...Sort of. He believes Charlie, but there is no fucking way he is going to be involved in anything to do with real vampires.

As Charlie and Evil walk Amy home, they discuss the possibility of a plan before Evil decides to go down a dark, spooky alleyway to take a shortcut home. (Because that seems reasonable.) Naturally, nothing good comes of it and Evil is all vampired-up by Jerry, who then goes after Charlie and Amy.

Ducking into a club, Charlie tries to call Vincent to warn him that Jerry is trying to catch them, leaving Amy to sit by herself. Jerry easily finds her and, after some casual grope-dancing, he takes her away.

Meanwhile, Evil arrives at Vincent's apartment, shouting that there's a vampire following him. When Vincent lets him in, Evil tries to attack him, but Vincent gets away by trying to push a wooden cross through Evil's forehead.

Yeah, but doesn't it make me look, you know, rad?!
It is then that Vincent decides that he has to help Charlie defeat Jerry the vampire. They meet at Jerry's house and confront him, with Vincent pulling out his crucifix and waving it around ineffectually. Jerry explains that it won't work on him because it requires faith, and he knows that Vincent doesn't have it anymore. Charlie does, though, and pulls out his emergency backup crucifix, which does affect Jerry and causes him to run away. Vincent runs away, too, but to find Charlie's mom.

Instead, he runs across Evil, who tries to turn into a wolf so he can just straight-up eat Vincent. The application of an enthusiastically wielded broken chair leg throws a wrench in Evil's plan, instead turning him into a whiny, naked half-human with a big ol' hunk of wood stuck through him.

Whosagood hell hound? You are! Yes, you are!
Suitably reinvigorated, Vincent rushes back to Jerry's, where he finds Amy, although he is suspicious that something might be wrong because she has super-duper crazy mouth and tries to eat him. He locks her in Jerry's sex room (don't all vampires have one of those?) and runs to find Charlie, who is again being thrown around like a ragdoll.

The two of them manage to force Jerry into the basement because the sun is coming up, and the windows down there are all painted black to make sure nothing interrupts Jerry's coffin time. They break all the windows, causing Jerry to be cooked in the emerging sunlight, and all is safe and right in the world...

OR IS IT?!?

Larry picked the movie, and he loves it. His only problem with it is that he isn't sure what the deal is with Jerry's...servant? Personal Igor? Familiar? What is that guy? And why is he filled with green goo? It's weird, man...

Derek liked it, but worries about the over-the-top acting being done by everybody but Roddy McDowall. His concerns are for naught, according to the others, because this movie is sort of tongue-in-cheek, which allows for that sort of thing. But that Evil Ed guy...What an obnoxious douche.

Jake also loved this flick, and he feels that it may have been one of the last great vampire movies. He's also a fan of Tom Holland and feels that this is a solid film. He also tries to figure out what the servant guy is all about, but to no avail.

So sharpen up those wooden stakes, chug some holy water, and listen to this week's episode!
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September 6, 2016

Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Wow.

Okay, I was going to skip the whole "Trump insanity" thing this week because, let's face it, it really didn't seem like there was much going on in the "batshit insane statements" department. I guess I just wasn't paying attention, what with the visit to an African-American church in Detroit, the visit to Mexico, the Arizona speech right after, and the whole taco truck thing.

And so, we're back to the grind. And while working hard at trying to make fun of someone who is so obviously mentally unstable, there's no better accompaniment that a delicious burrito.

But not just when you're working hard...
Bow, before we get to Trump, there is an important bit of information that I want to share: It turns out that there are creepy clowns out there, freaking people out. Well, the South Carolina police aren't going to put up with that.

So, if you are, in fact, a creepy clown, I would avoid that place if I were you. And if you are a clown but you think you're not creepy, let me assure you that you are.

What the hell is that little bit that comes out at the end?!
Anyway, Donald Trump has decided (well, his handlers have, at least) that he needs to look more presidential. In an attempt to give off that "presidential vibe", he took trip to Mexico to meet that country's president, Peña Nieto, to discuss many things, including paying for the wall Trump wants to build along the U.S. border to keep people from entering the country illegally.

Or not.

It seems that Donald is talking out his ass when he says that he will stand tough against other countries and not be pushed around. Imagine that...He seemed so honest before this.

That's a pretty big burrito for only having four beans, half an avocado, and a tomato.
That same day, Trump gave a speech in Arizona where he continued to predict a dystopian landscape filled with murder and rape (and possibly tacos) if Hillary is elected, and then doubled down on his insistence that Mexico will pay for the wall.

One has to wonder whether anyone has told him just how ridiculous all of this sounds, because he is clearly not hearing it himself.

Because he is distracted by visions of deliciousness...
Later in the week, Trump took a trip to Detroit so he could pretend to care about black people by attending an African-American church to give an interview, but the press were not allowed inside.

I think I know why.

The same reason this dog-thing can't run for office, maybe?
Then there was the Trump supporter who went on TV and tried to convince everyone that, if Hillary Clinton is elected, there would be "a taco truck on every corner."

Wait a minute...I thought he was supposed to be a Trump supporter. He was trying to make this sound like a bad thing?

Frankly, I don't see a downside...

At least we won't have to wait until some restaurant has drone delivery service.
There has also recently been a lot of attention called to the fact that Trump is basically being handled with kid gloves (probably because of his tiny hands), but Hillary is being dragged over hot coals at every turn for some of the dumbest shit they can find, the latest being that she is clearly not capable of being a president because she...coughs?

What...the...hell?

Don't get me wrong, she's far from my favorite person, but she is infinitely more qualified that the angry orange drain clog.

Frankly, I'm ready to throw my support behind this little guy.
And then there were tweets...

Your tweets, that is, assuming you are on Twitter, and assuming one of your tweets made me laugh hard enough. If none of this applies to you, you should totally join Twitter and throw out a few bits of funny yourself. Here, let me give you a few examples in no particular order.


And there you have it!

Mmmmm...Burritoooooo...
And yes, I know this is all a day late. It was a holiday weekend. What do you want from me? How about an awesome video clip? Fine. Here's the one Bad Lip Reading did for the Democratic National Convention!


Now go have an awesome rest of the week! And watch out for murder burritos.

Thought I was kidding, didn't you?
All the best,
Derek and Bosco
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