Okay, I was going to skip the whole "Trump insanity" thing this week because, let's face it, it really didn't seem like there was much going on in the "batshit insane statements" department. I guess I just wasn't paying attention, what with the visit to an African-American church in Detroit, the visit to Mexico, the Arizona speech right after, and the whole taco truck thing.
And so, we're back to the grind. And while working hard at trying to make fun of someone who is so obviously mentally unstable, there's no better accompaniment that a delicious burrito.
|But not just when you're working hard...|
So, if you are, in fact, a creepy clown, I would avoid that place if I were you. And if you are a clown but you think you're not creepy, let me assure you that you are.DEVELOPING: Sheriff in Greenville, South Carolina, vows to arrest anybody dressed as a clown after reports of creepy clowns across town— Al Boe (@AlBoeNEWS) September 2, 2016
|What the hell is that little bit that comes out at the end?!|
Or not.Trump: We discussed the wall but not who would pay.— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) September 1, 2016
Peña Nieto: I immediately told him that Mexico would not pay for the wall.
It seems that Donald is talking out his ass when he says that he will stand tough against other countries and not be pushed around. Imagine that...He seemed so honest before this.They could have flown trump to Texas and dressed up any old Mexican guy like the president and trump would have had zero idea— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) August 31, 2016
|That's a pretty big burrito for only having four beans, half an avocado, and a tomato.|
One has to wonder whether anyone has told him just how ridiculous all of this sounds, because he is clearly not hearing it himself."Is Mr. Trump ready for the immigration speech?"— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) August 31, 2016
"He wants to tweet."
"He seems antsy."
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER HORSE TRANQUILIZER!!"
|Because he is distracted by visions of deliciousness...|
I think I know why.Alt-right currently paralyzed by this photograph: pic.twitter.com/5hDcH6jXNB— Jeffrey Goldberg (@JeffreyGoldberg) September 3, 2016
|The same reason this dog-thing can't run for office, maybe?|
Wait a minute...I thought he was supposed to be a Trump supporter. He was trying to make this sound like a bad thing?Only Trump supporters would try to make increased national access to tacos sound dystopian https://t.co/31N1sh4Q7E— Shay (@shaycode) September 2, 2016
|At least we won't have to wait until some restaurant has drone delivery service.|
What...the...hell?TRUMP: Make The Purge real!— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) September 1, 2016
CLINTON: I have charity that helps millions and I use email.
MEDIA: I honestly cannot tell the difference.
Don't get me wrong, she's far from my favorite person, but she is infinitely more qualified that the angry orange drain clog.
|Frankly, I'm ready to throw my support behind this little guy.|
Your tweets, that is, assuming you are on Twitter, and assuming one of your tweets made me laugh hard enough. If none of this applies to you, you should totally join Twitter and throw out a few bits of funny yourself. Here, let me give you a few examples in no particular order.
I've been on Twitter for two days. I've had 7 TCs, been in 14 DM rooms, been blocked by 37 ppl and followed by 1 Nazi. This is my 1st tweet.— Jay C Kent (@JayCKent) September 2, 2016
People are now up in my mentions arguing about how many bees Nicolas Cage could swallow. This is a good day.— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) August 28, 2015
I'm pretty sure I just witnessed a length of chorizo get sexually harassed.— Lord Goomba (@ObscureGent) August 28, 2016
I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.— Mable Gertrude (@MableGertrude) February 9, 2016
An orgy? No, thanks. If I wanted to disappoint several people at once I'd just show them the poetry I wrote in high school.— Spanky McDutcherson (@thatdutchperson) April 29, 2016
You guys my dad died from Crystal Pepsi.— Bob Phillips (@BobTheSuit) September 3, 2016
I want to be referred to as dreamy just once. Nightmarey is getting old.— Stewnami (@stewnami) September 3, 2016
Honestly as a Midwestern Irish Catholic I could never be in a cult because I was raised to know that group outings are miserable & expensive— ErinEph (@ErinEph) September 3, 2016
If my best friend was a zombie and I was mad at him, I'd be like "You're dead to me!" and then we'd laugh and laugh and I'm so lonely.— Awesome Todd (@Awesome_Todd) March 11, 2016
My family's coat of arms is a .357 Magnum and a fried bologna sandwich.— Greg Reckons (@gregreckons) September 2, 2016
And there you have it!
Now go have an awesome rest of the week! And watch out for murder burritos.
|Thought I was kidding, didn't you?|
Derek and Bosco