Look, I'm not going to go into all the details of what happened with the Angry Orange this past week. I don't really need to. If you're that concerned, go look it up.
If, like me, you don't want the details, here's what happened in just a few tweets:
At this point the only possible October Surprise for Trump would be that there is nothing left to dig up. And that is HIGHLY unlikely.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 2, 2016
Trump is grabbing women by the pu**y and Pence is whipping out the Mexican thing.— Barracks O'Bama (@P0TUS) October 7, 2016
Your 2016 GOP.
Tic Tac respects all women. We find the recent statements and behavior completely inappropriate and unacceptable.— Tic Tac USA (@TicTacUSA) October 8, 2016
I stand corrected.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 8, 2016
That pretty much sums it up.
|Here. Eat this.|
Took this awesome pic of the soggy bologna sandwich I had for lunch. pic.twitter.com/en27msPbAM— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) October 6, 2016
Reputed Death Eater Ted Cruz bothering people at home with rants about Trump and what their bones taste like. pic.twitter.com/ryBN30AxwA— Mr. Bad Guy (@RegularFred) October 6, 2016
This is the Zodiac speaking. Have you cracked the last cipher I sent you? pic.twitter.com/Fhr8Rapa1o— Ryan Danger Sims (@RyanDangerSims) October 6, 2016
There's a lot more....Feel free to look them up over on the Twitter machine. Now let's move on, with the help of some awesome Star Trek GIFs from the animated series!
The worst part about being a woman is that once a month I can only square dance MODERATELY pic.twitter.com/cKZkN25HLF— Eileen M BOO'Connell (@i_Lean) September 20, 2016
don't tell me what to do pic.twitter.com/ErAtCgQLrK— LastGrimeyOnTheLeft (@loljocks_grimey) October 6, 2016
And offering my own personal wisdom...
The literal translation of "Oktoberfest" is "painful anal bleaching". #FakeOktoberfestFacts— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 2, 2016
|Did that noise come out of you?|
I feel like the term "creepy clowns" is redundant.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 5, 2016
But I wasn't the only one.
I never thought the apocalypse would start with bringing in the clowns. Yet here we are.— Miss Kerri (@kwirkyKerri) October 5, 2016
The only thing scarier than clowns are their life choices— PieGuy (@ilovepie84) October 5, 2016
Well I for one am relieved that psychos are cutting out the guess work by identifying themselves with official clown costumes.— molly (@MollySneed) October 7, 2016
I think we can all agree they are creepy as shit.
|Captain, we found these clown pubes in the transporter.|
So let's just see what other funny stuff I found there! In no particular order...
Scared of spiders? Just imagine them in their underwear. Covering up their tiny spider butts. Eight teeny little leg holes. Adorable.— Markydoomdoom (@markydoodoo) October 2, 2016
sneaky letters pic.twitter.com/Ph9a8afPBy— James Egan (@jameswzegan85) October 2, 2016
My girlfriend Spatula (22) has just given birth to our first child Crybastard (0)— John Brennan (@UpturnedBathtub) October 2, 2016
If you can buy rap music with the cuss words taken out, I shoud be able to buy Christian rock with cuss words added in.— Goats? (@Gooooats) October 3, 2016
I eat all my food out of Chinese takeout containers. Pizza night is a nightmare.— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) October 4, 2016
Science is awesome.— Beatriz (@wittwitbarista) October 5, 2016
Science can be tasty.
Science lets you get away with revenge by using newtons 3rd law of motion & call it an "accident."
what kind of world do we live in when Wolverine can't even use the same public bathroom as normal people? pic.twitter.com/Uk9D7VGeqd— paperwarsh© (@PaperWash) October 6, 2016
It's very rude when old people are fingerblasting each other in the back of the theater while I'm trying to enjoy this Bridgette Jones movie— Giant Bearded Fuck (@AnAverageGiant) September 26, 2016
Long distance dating through eHarmony would be so much better if they offered free shipping.— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) October 6, 2016
I found myself driving fast and aggressive on my way to work this morning but in my defense a Tiffany song was on the radio.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) October 4, 2016
And there you have it!
|What is that doing to my chair?|
One last thing:
Does THIS work for You? pic.twitter.com/ymhuzrTgvq— Gracie in OH-IO (@GracieinOHIO) October 5, 2016
Now get outta here, ya goons.
|You're the best...And we're gonna graduate...And we're never gonna see each other again! *hic*|
Derek and Bosco