I am sick. The weather changing, and my allergies are conspiring to straight-up kill me, but I forged ahead and got some tweets. But I didn't go looking for GIFs today. So what I am going to do is kind of a random "best of" sort of thing from the ones I've already used. No captions; they will just be there, mocking me. I'm cool with that. Let's start, shall we?
The third and final presidential debate happened, and it was just as ridiculous as you might have expected it to be.
I didn't watch the third debate but I heard there was a bad hombre ripping babies out of women at 9 mos using Chinese steel.— Vote Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) October 20, 2016
I couldn't watch, as I had to work, but I got the details after. And of course, the one major takeaway was Angry Orange refusing to say whether he would accept the results of the election. Instead, the rumor was that he (and his Child of the Damned) are trying to start up Trump TV. Let that sink in for a bit, and when you stop screaming, make sure to check out the video in this tweets:
On the news of Trump TV talks being underway behind the scenes, a reminder of what you’ll get. pic.twitter.com/GW4BZlGQEw— Ben Howe (@BenHowe) October 17, 2016
That sounds like fun!
Myself, I'm thinking about a write-in campaign. Let me tell you about my kind of candidate...
Remember: A vote for Ash is a vote for smarmy dickbags who still manage to be kinda likeable. (As opposed to the unlikeable kind, like Angry Orange.)
The rest of Angry Orange's week was spent claiming that everything is rigged against him. Not just the election, but also the media and Saturday Night Live!
My favorite moments on SNL:— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) October 17, 2016
1)Cracking up in Debbie downer disney 2)Hot tub lovers 3)Rigging 2000 election so that George W beat Al Gore
Trump: Found raisin in cookie I thought was chocolate chip. Cookies are phony. Bakeries rigged. Will outlaw all cookies. I'm very strong.— Joseph Scrimshaw (@JosephScrimshaw) October 16, 2016
Ooh! Pick me! PICK ME! I KNOW THIS ONE! https://t.co/KV1GkfLPKI— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 17, 2016
So, to recap: A rich white guy who has had everything handed to him by an army of paid yes-men and yes-women, believes that, because he isn't getting his way, it is obvious that he is being cheated. What a tool.
Myself, I spent the week possibly revealing way too much about myself and my thought processes.
But just imagine how fun Jurassic Park would be if the T-Rex just went "QUACK!" while it was attacking those trucks! https://t.co/6y8vpdRjDU— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 16, 2016
I like to think of myself as more of a cautionary tale. https://t.co/gV0HFcQWWW— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 17, 2016
It can't always be about meat projectiles. #ThingsISayPrettyOften— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 17, 2016
The utterly obscene way I look at a plate of lasagna before I eat it. Also, me eating lasagna. The horror... #ThingsIDontWantOnCamera— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) October 22, 2016
And that, dear reader, is what the inside of my head really looks like.
And then there were tweets...So many tweets. And I, in my weakened and booger-intensive state, had to pare it down to just ten. Here's the result. If you disagree with me, by all means, go to Twitter and find ten you think are better. I'll even come to your blog and read 'em! But until then, here are my choices...
Glinda: You've always had the power, my dear.— Lisa Marie (@xLiserx) October 16, 2016
Dorothy: ...So I basically murdered an entire family for no reason?!
Glinda: *Giggles* Whoops!
*sees air tank labeled 'oxygen' on the deck*— Ray 💀 (@SirEviscerate) June 25, 2016
Uh oh. Dan's gonna be pissed.
*cut to Dan underwater in scuba gear, his tank labeled 'farts'*
*fits his cowbell with a whammy bar— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) October 18, 2016
*accepts Christopher Walken's marriage proposal
I had a very disturbing dream about Jeff Smith aka The Frugal Gourmet.— мєχιиσивℓσи∂є (@mexinonblonde) October 17, 2016
His glasses were askew, food was everywhere and his beard was wet...
Just had a dream where i was watching a Star Wars film featuring Mechagodzilla, and all i could think was "Well, that's not very realistic."— Peace Cake Love (@redtache) October 20, 2016
DAD: met a nice gay couple tonight. white guy and a black guy.— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) October 21, 2016
ME: ...you didn't ask any stupid questions did you
DAD: of course i did
Scientists talk about wormholes but no one ever mentions the giant space worms making them. I smell a coverup.— Horrific Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 16, 2016
(math class)— Phteven (@CodyJP9412) October 17, 2016
CLASSMATE:*pulls out calculatorgiggles*
ME:*pulls out science calculator[SATAN SHALL FEAST ON UR FAMILY MORTAL]giggles*
Judging by the ongoing ceiling noise, I am assuming my upstairs neighbors have purchased a tiger and it is learning how to roller skate.— jean graeveyard (@JeanGreasy) October 22, 2016
And there you have it!
Now go have an awesome week. And to help it along, here's some Bad Lip Reading fun for the whole family!
All the best,
Derek and Bosco