Back before there was Batfleck...Before there was Argo...Heck, even before a turn as Bartleby in Dogma, there was Ben Affleck in 1998's Phantoms.
Oh, sure, you could mention that it also included future Sabretooth Liev Schreiber, future Mrs.Marilyn Manson Rose McGowan, future Home Alone 4 part-haver Joanna Going, and, it must be added, former alive person Peter O'Toole. But the most important thing to take away from this film is that it is not good at all. And, as it came out the same year as Armageddon--a film which Derek has pointed out numerous times whose mission would have gone off without a hitch, had lunkheaded A.J. (Affleck) not gone along and been the cause of so many deaths and horrible maimings.
|1998: Affleck's Year of Being an Idiot|
Naturally, Dr. Jennifer comes to the conclusion that this could be some kind of virus (because those things decapitate people all the time), so she and her sister try to find a weapon so they can shoot it. Apparently, they play pretty fast-and-loose with who gets to be a doctor in Colorado.
|Not the brightest crayons in the toolbox.|
|Deputy Stu is also known as "Rapey McRapeface" by close friends and witnesses.|
A further search brings the gang to the police station, where Affleck gets the radio working long enough to tell someone from another town to alert the FBI, the CDC, and anyone else who will listen about what's going on in this little town. He also asks them to forward the name Timothy Flyte to the FBI to see what they can find out. Shortly after, Deputy McRapeface is attacked by a giant murdermoth that humps his face to death.
It turns out that Timothy Flyte (O'Toole) is an actual person, and the FBI find him working at a tabloid, where he writes stories. The agents scoop him up, throw him on a plane, and ship him off to Colorado, where they hope he can be of some use.
|Like testing their new fart-containment suits.|
Inside the mobile lab, they make a sort of plan that involves a product that is used to dissolve oil spills, based on the idea that whatever the monster is, it is some sort of oil or weird-ass fluid in its rawest form. Vials of the product are shared around, and it comes time for one of them to taunt the monster out of hiding so they can attack it. Flyte--the only one who isn't armed with a gun of some kind--gets the short straw and is shoved outside to see whether the monster is willing to come out and play.
|SPOILER: Yes. Sort of.|
Jake picked this one. Perhaps in retaliation for last week's movie. That's fine. He digs the practical effects, but despises the shitty "human-nado" at the end. He is right to do so.
Larry has issues with this film. He thinks it is obviously not the best work of anyone involved. He would be correct in his assumption. But is it the actors'or the movie's fault?
Derek feels like there were so many chances for there to be a good movie in this, and none of those chances were taken. He also questions Dr. Jennifer's method of virus treatment.
So put on your hazmat suit, hold your nose, and listen to this week's episode!