Also, this week's GIFs involve MORTAL KOMBAT!
|MORTAL STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS!|
Anyway, it's been an incredibly stressful week, largely because half-rotted pumpkin covered in hair Donald Trump has a rage boner to blow shit up, and he jerked-off hard on Afghanistan last week by dropping a MOAB bomb--the largest non-nuclear bomb in the US's arsenal--to ostensibly destroy a bunch of ISIS tunnels. But, really, I think it's a safe bet to assume that it was the only way he could achieve an erection, and Melania was supposed to come to Washington to host the annual Easter Egg Hunt, so...
|Either way, someone's getting shot in the face.|
United Airlines is pleased to announce new seating on all domestic flights- in addition to United First and Economy Plus we introduce.... pic.twitter.com/KQjPClU2d2— McNeil (@Reflog_18) April 10, 2017
This is close second for United tweets ...pic.twitter.com/o83R7Im3Cn— Steven R. Walker (@Steve_R_Walker) April 12, 2017
Finally, our leaders have commented on the United incident pic.twitter.com/4sDfFEbjEC— Daniel Lin (@DLin71) April 11, 2017
But it was quickly overshadowed when White House spokesidiot Sean Spicer said that Hitler didn't use poison to kill people...in the "Holocaust Camps"...Holy shit.
|Here's a dramatic representation of that press conference. Guess which one is Spicer.|
I really hope Netflix will greenlight more episodes. That would be the kind of awesome you don't get often enough.
|Tim Burton's darker, more gritty Edward Scissorhands is gonna be so RAD!|
Everybody calm down...I'm watching Starship Troopers...with my dad (his first time)! Hahahahahahaaaa! He'll probably disown me... pic.twitter.com/vK3VVDCJZC— DrClayForrester (@TheRealDCF) April 11, 2017
The only way you would catch waiting to watch a giraffe give birth is if there's a reasonable chance a xenomorph would come out instead.— DrClayForrester (@TheRealDCF) April 13, 2017
So, as I'm sure you're all aware, my life is a rich cornucopia,
|Not "dance contest" rich, but pretty good.|
Scientists called a rose by 500+ names to see how it would smell; when they called it Dennis, it smelled faintly of B.O. and tortilla chips.— R.E.W. (@therealeatwood) August 18, 2016
the Thor Ragnarok bluray better have a special feature where all character dialogue is replaced by an off script Rhys Darby.— Daniel Danger (@tinymediaempire) April 10, 2017
performed cpr on gwyneth paltrow for a full 15 minutes before I realized it was a dead badger— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) April 10, 2017
Newscaster: We go to Tom who is live on the scene, Tom— The Last Obi (@ThaJawn) April 12, 2017
Tom: *in puppy face Snapchat filter* The tornado ripped through this small town...
Hi, we've actually met before, I just happen to be wearing my third jersey— Jeff Newton (@yonewt) April 13, 2017
"I'll take this jug of Jack Daniels and that sweet sword you have in the glass case for 19.99" -Me drunk in the liquor store at 10 am.— Traylor Parker (@TraylorParker) April 8, 2017
In Australia we have a right to bear dingos for self-protection. I have three concealed dingos on my person rn; Australia is very dangerous.— krispy (@krispythehuman) April 11, 2017
how to read this book pic.twitter.com/c3js95w7vl— zombie kitten ninjas (@47zombiekittens) April 14, 2017
I'm going to visit a dairy farm and pet all the cheeses and see if they'll eat out of my hand.— Jessica Fox (@HelloJessicaFox) August 17, 2016
People get mad if you egg their home. But if you use enough eggs on a hot day, you gifted them a house omelet & they can't get mad anymore.— Frank Whitehouse (@WheelTod) May 25, 2016
And there you have it!
|Breakin' 2: Mortal Boogaloo|
Now I'm outta here!
|So long, suckas!|
Derek and Bosco