Well, we made it through Easter without Zombie Jesus eating our brains, so I figured it would be a good idea to make another list. And get this: I'm using GIFs from the hilariously funny Swear Trek Tumblr page. If you like Star Trek, check it out.
|Sensors indicate hilarity!|
siri show me worst hip-hop trio of all time pic.twitter.com/8bZP8AHZCZ— CONWAY TWEETY (@edsbs) April 17, 2017
And speaking of disturbing White House visitors, insane cat lady Sarah Palin showed up with anthropomorphic Confederate flag/double-wide trailer hybrid Kid Rock and draft-dodging pants-filler Ted Nugent. Presumably, they were there to help Melania decide on wallpaper samples for the private residence once she and little Barron hop in their gold-plated, bald eagle head-lined limo and move in with daddy.
the new Beverly Hillbillies reboot looks shitty pic.twitter.com/rHBqO4RTIl— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) April 20, 2017
And just like that, the Liza Minelli wedding pic was no longer the most embarrassing photo in history. pic.twitter.com/FONZZK08Hv— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) April 20, 2017
"Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin, and Kid Rock."— Gord Macey (@GordMacey) April 20, 2017
"Who are the choices in the hardest game of Fuck/Marry/Kill I've ever had to play Alex?"
It looks like a pile of camouflage and failure, covered in a fine mist of Axe Body Spray.
*Someone* is currently in gross breach of contract... pic.twitter.com/JwIlKwcnCr— BadHombreLands NPS (@BadHombreNPS) April 21, 2017
However, he continues to argue that he's getting shit done, but nobody knew how hard this job would be!
"Ppl fear what they don't understand" Donald Trump whispers to himself, taking off his hair & easing into a bathtub filled w/olives & eggnog— Danny Charnley (@DanKCharnley) October 20, 2016
Stay strong, you big orange asshat! If we're lucky, you'll be impeached before you hit 200 days...
|We now go to the White House for a Healthcare Update...|
Updated Fox News lineup— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) April 19, 2017
8 PM Pepe Frog and Friends
9 PM The Comments Section
10 PM Email From My Dad With the Subject "RE: Re: re: FWD:"
The week before last, Bill-do Baggins went on "vacation" while this was being straightened out, insisting he would be back, as did the network. A few days later, in the face of advertisers running away as fast as they could, Fox decided it just wasn't worth it to keep him. Good riddance, you screamy shit bucket.
|Right there with you, Bones.|
If those hot MILFs in my area are so horny, how come I have to go find them? Maybe they wouldn't be so lonely if they made a little effort.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) April 22, 2017
And I also acknowledged 4/20, a "holiday" for fans of herbal entertainment, although I don't partake myself.
We've all thought it, but now I'm saying it: Pot smokers are the vegans of drug users.— Derek Springer (@TheRealDCF) April 20, 2017
Fun side note: When I posted this same comment on Facebook, I immediately got a response from some person I don't even know, who defended his use of pot, thereby proving my point.
|There it is...|
|Yeah, that's them.|
One time I wore a Kid Rock t-shirt to the state fair and won a velvet portrait of a corndog in a skeeball tournament.— Jedi Cheesy Grits❄️ (@JediGigi) April 16, 2017
the band Chicago:— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) April 17, 2017
1. Saturday in the park
3. Man selling ice cream
4. Italian songs
1. 4th of July?
I hate to get technical Starbucks® but shouldn't Unicorn Flavor pretty much taste like horse meat?— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) April 21, 2017
Me: I got a "Born to Lose" tattoo!— Just Bill ❄ (@WilliamAder) April 16, 2017
Wife: Is that Comic Sans?
Me: I had a Groupon.
GF said 2 me "I know U" so I took a dead rat from my wallet & gnawed on it 2 prove her wrong. Also, I have a big wallet, & a dead rat in it.— MyNameIsPappyG (@MyNameIsPappyG) April 22, 2017
The worse thing that ever happened to you is still funnier than any episode of "Full House"— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) April 23, 2017
Bruce Springsteen writes the most laid back songs about being on fire I'd be all AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH— Justin (@ThePocketJustin) April 21, 2017
im not against GMOs go ahead make me a science steak in a lab ill eat it I love hot dogs ive eaten beef jerky off my floor I can handle this— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) June 11, 2016
And there you have it! Now get out there and have a great week! And to help it along, here's Harry Potter rapping.
But, Harry...What about Voldemort?
|Ah, dang it.|
Derek and Bosco