Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

It's Sunday! So, of course, all the cool kids are stopping by to see what was funny on Twitter last week, right? RIGHT?!?

Well, maybe not all the cool kids, but definitely all the attractive and smart ones.

Anyway, it was another awesome week. Of course, there's the premier of Sharknado 2: The Second One (which--shameless plug--I'll be recording a podcast about with Jake and Larry this very afternoon for Here Be Spoilers, so tune in on Monday when it's posted!).

Another fun thing that happened was Orlando Bloom (The Lord of the Rings trilogy, the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies) did something we all have wanted to do for some time: He took a swing at worthless hunk of infected taint skin, Justin Bieber. Unfortunately, he missed. But he got to take a swing! It's a step in the right direction, for sure.

But enough of that. It's time to lay on the silliness of the Twitter folks. And, as always, let me implore you to go and join. It's great over there.

And now, in no particular order...

Remember how Arnold Schwarzenegger looked in Total Recall when he was ejected into the vacuum on the surface of Mars? That's my O face.

— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) August 1, 2014

The tip jar at this briss smells funny

— El Jefe (@Sickayduh) December 7, 2013

Ever wondered how planes fly? This picture reveals all. pic.twitter.com/MJtSC2ai82

— Mike Clarke (@Mr_Mike_Clarke) July 31, 2014

I donated some sperm to a lesbian couple. They didn't want a child or anything. They just sat too close to me on a bus.

— Monkey Tragic (@aka_fatman) July 31, 2014

I put ketchup on everything: Hamburgers, French fries, tater tots, my feelings, hot dogs, my college degree, popcorn, my virginity.

— Brent (@Brentweets) July 30, 2014

If I had a vagina I'd be sure to take her on long walks past construction sites. She'd be an outdoorsy vagina. Yup.

— Mikos Von Beaverhaus (@iMikosnyc) July 29, 2014

I just watched a fat guy at the playground birth himself out of the tube slide he was stuck in and it was so fucking glorious I want to cry.

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) July 25, 2014

*Tastes toilet water to make sure my dog doesn't know something I don't know

— sara (@SomthinBoutSara) July 30, 2014

I'm not a priest but I know that jesus is 43% pancakes

— Adam Says Relax (@Adam14) July 27, 2014

If you scan your tribal arm tattoo at the self register at the supermarket it rings up a case of PBR and a dozen Muscle Milks

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) July 31, 2014

And there you have it! I hope you all have a fantastic week! And to help you on your way, here's a neat little clip of Wits host John Moe and author Neil Gaiman talking Mythbusters host Adam Savage into singing "I Will Survive" as Gollum from Lord of the Rings:

All the best,
Derek and Bosco