Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Okay, okay...I know I'm late with this week's post. I have a reasonable excuse, though: I had to work early yesterday, then I came home and fell asleep almost immediately. I only intended to rest for an hour or two, but the next thing I knew, it was twelve hours later and Bosco was staring at me a few inches from my face with a meaningful look in his eyes that clearly told me, "Right now would be a great time to take me outside."

Anyway, as soon as Bosco was finished disgracing the neighbor's flowers, I rushed right back home to make this list of hilarious folks from Twitter who make the jokes I put out there seem like they were written by a not-as-funny guy with an unstable sleep schedule...

And so, with almost no ado whatsoever, let's get on with the funny! (In no particular order.)

Dollar Tree clerk asked me to fill out a survey to maybe win a $500 gift card and I was like I don't need to own a whole dollar store thanks

— Lisa (@LisaACOTA) August 11, 2013

Jenny McCarthy & Donnie Wahlberg got married! He's the new kid on her block & singled her out! JK no one had vaccines & all guests got polio

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) September 5, 2014

Meanwhile, at the Justice League, "What did you tell Aquaman?" "All I did was ask him if he knew that Ariel chick, and he ran crying"

— Rusty (@GayDeceiver) September 8, 2014

is the chinese symbol for corn dog just combining corn and dog? look im not trying to be difficult. i just wanna get this tattoo right

— sara (@mrsjohngoodman) September 11, 2014

I'm waiting for a truly innovative iPhone design. Instead of rectangle, maybe three sharp rods. A million floating orbs. A pink gas.

— John Moe (@johnmoe) September 9, 2014

My only claim to fame is having all my possessions sold on an episode of Storage Wars.

— sue bobby (@bobbysue123) September 9, 2014

it hurt my feelings that you didn't look surprised when i pulled a hotdog out of my purse

— victoria (@radtoria) June 2, 2014

Spot the typo. pic.twitter.com/DyFdDHmNQ4

— Akshar (@AksharPathak) September 12, 2014

Oh no. I’ve added French cinema to my muffins instead of French cinnamon and now they’re black & white with a bleak, existential flavour.

— GCS Recruitment (@GCSRecruitment) September 11, 2014

Ugh! Apple just added a U2 Map app to my iPhone without my permission. None of the streets even have names on them.

— retrocrush (@retrocrush) September 12, 2014

And there you have it!

Here's to hoping for a great week for all of you. And to start you on your way, let me once again direct you to a clip from the continuously amusing Wits radio show/podcast hosted by John Moe. I can't recommend that show enough. Great music, great comedy, and occasional appearances from Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and RiffTrax!

This clip features Twitter ninja Rob Delaney, as well as musicians Neko Case and Kelly Hogan...

Have an awesome week!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco