Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hey! You! Stop right there!

Collaborating and/or listening is still optional.

You didn't happen to see a big ol' pile of funny tweets from the Twitter machine, did you? Oh, wait...Here they are...

Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.

— Oh, Victoria (@VikeeysSecret) January 5, 2014

Ha ha, can't believe people think global warming exists when it's cold out-- hold on! shhh! a magic groundhog is about to ordain the seasons

— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) February 2, 2015

*puts sunglasses on a watermelon* *punches watermelon* "WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!" *slams hands down* "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!"

— Naïve American (@Nahdude83) November 15, 2014

I thought I dated Kate Moss for 6 months but it was a school science lab skeleton covered in bologna held together with cocaine paste.

— Bread John (@Breadery) January 26, 2015

Kylie Jenner is 17, Worth $2,000,000.00...AND she's never worked a day in her life... Ugh...I wish MY older sister was a giant whore...

— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) February 4, 2015

Kids "can I have cake for breakfast"? Me "cake isn't for breakfast. Eat this creme filled, chocolate covered, glaze donut with sprinkles"

— Chad's A Dick (@AllPraiseB2Chad) January 24, 2015

please vote for my potato chip flavor pic.twitter.com/3n7HgHWPiP

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 6, 2015

“It’s all about perspective,” she said flirtatiously. Bencivieni di Pepo put down his paintbrush. The year was 1278. “What?”

— Jeffrey Palms (@freypalm) February 6, 2015

Got drunk and finished my taxes. I'm getting 1.3 billion dollars back and I own Puerto Rico.

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) February 4, 2015

"Eating instant noodles regularly increases the risk of heart disease & stroke." After my creamation just add water & boil for 3 minutes.

— Liam Barrett (@LiamBarrettEsq) February 5, 2015

And there you have it! Pretty groovy, yes? And all without a bunch of yammering beforehand. I feel pretty good about that. In fact, I even feel pretty good about this week's video clip, too! As "Weird Al" Yankovic won the Grammy for "Best Comedy Album", here's the video for "Handy", a parody of Iggy Azalea's "Fancy", which did not win anything. Suck it, Iggy.

Have a great week!

All the best,
Derek and Bosco