Ten Funny Tweets Derek Re-Tweeted Last Week

Hi, everybody!

Once again, it is time for a big ol' bunch of tweets that I, personally, found amusing enough to want to share with you.

Why do I do this? There are two main reasons, really:

1. Because maybe it will convince you to stroll on over to Twitter and join, so you can find possibly even funnier people than the ones I am exposing you to; and
2. Because I'm lazy, but I still want to generate content to keep you guys happy.

There are a few other, more trivial reasons, but there's no need to go into those. Suffice to say, many Bothan spies gave their lives so that you can snort and laugh your way through these tweets...

Aaaaaanyway, let's do this thing, shall we? In no particular order..

You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 12, 2014

Poundtown - a fictional city that douchebags take women into for a brief, unsatisfying two minute or less adventure.

— Superhero & 00Negro (@MarcusTheToken) February 16, 2015

Greatest product review of all time 😂 pic.twitter.com/jIb4myfWpi

— Ridiculousness (@WeLoveRobDyrdek) February 17, 2015

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) October 26, 2014

I told my homophobic grandpa the word “homo” in Latin actually means “human being.” He said, “Well, uh, I don’t like Latin people, either.”

— Keating Thomas (@keatingthomas) February 19, 2015

"I am a proud non-reader of books." - Kanye West "I am a proud non-listener of Kanye West records." - me

— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) February 19, 2015

I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 5, 2014

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. Perhaps she'll die. There was an old woman who swallowed a goat. She sings like Stevie Nicks now

— ghost mom (@radtoria) February 22, 2015

Nobody at the office believes me when I say the worse case scenario always involves a molesty Pegasus with Luis Guzman's head.

— Godless Goomba (@ObscureGent) February 20, 2015

Clerk: Do you have six cents? Me: I see dead people. Clerk: You're not funny. Me: Your mom's not funny. Clerk: My mom's dead. Me: I know.

— Natalie P McTitties (@naggalie) January 12, 2015

And there you have it! Now, before we go to the video, I do have a bit of housecleaning to do. Bear with me.

There will be no Here Be Spoilers episode this week because, to be blunt, my job sucks sometimes. Due to scheduling issues, there is not a day this weekend where Jake, Larry and myself can get together to record another episode. Unfortunately, as the only one who knows how to work the equipment and do the editing, Jake and Larry are left hanging.

My apologies to those guys, as well as to you fine folks coming by to see if I'm doing anything on a regular basis. We'll be back next week with a conversation about Spaceballs!

Anyway, here's to a fantastic week for all of you! And to help it along, here's a little video clip to remind you that, although Brian Williams was suspended from NBC for lying about his experience while reporting in Iraq, we should not worry because he can always fall back on his rap career...

All the best,
Derek and Bosco