Oh, I could post gross pictures of how he cut himself right by his left eye, and describe the injury in every disgusting detail...But I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'll post a pic of him already bandaged.
|"Will there be a scar? I heard chicks dig scars..."|
Okay, that's not entirely true. There are victims: wrestling fans. Although I haven't held any interest in wrestling since I was about 12 or 13 (back during the glory days of what used to be the WWF), I know what it feels like to find out one of your heroes isn't the awesome dude you thought he was.
|"I told 'em! I told 'em, I said, 'Yer readin' my brain with rays,' I said! BLARGH!!!"|
And now, on to some tweets!
This is, as always, just a tiny portion of the overwhelming awesomeness that is available to see on Twitter. Go there. Join. Follow these people. You will laugh until your guts hurt.
So, in no particular order...
What's the difference between a Fraggle a Doozer and a Gorg? Who cares, your mom's a whore— Evil Dad (@evildadatron) July 18, 2015
"Fuck you, Yoda. There's totally 'try.' It's why I'm fucking here on this bag of dicks planet. Because i couldn't t just 'do' Jedi. Shit."— ben acker (@bnacker) July 21, 2015
To prevent morning pee double stream, I sleep with a Breathe-Right strip on my penis— Eldge (@Sickayduh) July 10, 2014
Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 24, 2015
Ladies on The View would be so angry if they realized 75% of their audience are cats that stepped on the remote.— Greg Dorris (@GregDorris) July 24, 2015
"boy i like these Regular Mario Brothers...nothin more super than that if you ask me" -you, seconds away from getting your SHIT ROCKED— DVS (@DVSblast) July 24, 2015
Tom Cruise says he is willing to star in Top Gun 2 if there are no CGI jets. CGI Val Kilmer is mandatory,— Adam Wolf (@AdamWolf77) July 24, 2015
🎶ham ham ham / this is the ham song / it refers and pertains to ham / it has musical notes around it / ham-dee-doo / not a great tweet tbh🎶— Josh A. Cagan (@joshacagan) July 25, 2015
Pretty sure Pigpen should have probably died from E. coli by now.— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) July 23, 2015
Hope this Iran thing goes through so the Grand Ayatolla will stop blocking my Farmville requests.— Kevin Sussman (@KevinSussman) July 14, 2015
And there you have it! Now get out there and have an amazing week! And to help that along, check out this clip, because sometimes you just have to dance.
All the best,
Derek and Bosco